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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drink when home with DC?

194 replies

Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 13:56

My second AIBU in as many days, although this is the fault of my first!

My boyfriends been a bit of arse this morning and we've just had a bit of a row, over the fact I was drinking in the house last night, when DD was in bed.
He was out with friends and I had friends at our house, he's saying I knew he was drinking so I shouldn't have.

I can understand if I was drunk, but I obviously knew I was in charge of DD, so I wasn't! He's saying anything more than 1/2 drinks isn't ok though.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/07/2017 15:28

What you did was perfectly fine. You would have been perfectly ok if DD had needed you.

[I remember your older threads. Frankly, your b/f can piss off with telling you that YOUR parenting isn't up to his standards]

BusterGonad · 30/07/2017 15:29

Oh and we were up at 7.30 as normal! Confused

MadMags · 30/07/2017 15:29

Boris haven't most people said they drink at home? Confused

ConstanceCraving · 30/07/2017 15:30

How on earth can you say that Annie? Do you often witness the OP drink four glasses of wine and cocktails whilst taking care of her baby?

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2017 15:33

How on earth do you know that, Annie? How qualified are you to declare a stranger on the Internet perfectly fine to take care of a young baby after several cocktails and probably more than a bottle of wine (home measure are a lot bigger than pub measures)?
What an odd statement to make...

SandyDenny · 30/07/2017 15:34

I have three children. The oldest is 14. I have never once in the 14 and a bit years he's been alive had a sudden emergency in which I've had to drop everything and rush him to the hospital at night in the car

I can only think of a couple of times that I've had to go to A & E with my dc in the evening but that doesn't mean that it's never going to happen. People have to rush their dc to hospital every single day, sure the thing about an emergency is that it isn't an everyday event and not having had one before is no protection against it happening in the future.

Personally I wouldn't drink as much as you did op and I'd be pretty annoyed if someone in charge of my dc did. I would always make sure I was safe to drive.

cuirderussie · 30/07/2017 15:35

I have been a parent for over 20 years and have never had to rush to A&E at night. And unless you live in some remote outpost, couldn't you get a lift or a taxi? And no, I hardly drink at all, I just don't get the extreme MN panic!

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2017 15:36

🎖to you Buster, since you appear to be looking for validation that taking what I presume is a young child with you to the pub to watch you drink five or six pints is also perfectly fine.

ConstanceCraving · 30/07/2017 15:37

Not drinking because you might need to go to A and E is very different to drinking too much because you have a 9 month old baby.

CryingMessFFS · 30/07/2017 15:38

4 glasses of wine is too much let alone with cocktails on top when you're looking after a baby. It isn't about having a drink when there's a child in the house, 1 or 2 fine. But that is a lot of booze the OP had and is wrong IMO.

BusterGonad · 30/07/2017 15:41

Flogging I live in a village, all the kids enjoy these social events, it isn't a scabby pub with scabby people. It's a family pub, where the villagers socialize and it keeps the village alive. I'm proud to be part of the community and the children love it. I don't need validation I just think a lot of the responses are a bit crazy. When you have kids you don't have to suddenly become a nun and as boring as fuck. Life goes on.

MadMags · 30/07/2017 15:42

It's not just about driving to the hospital, is it?

Babies can be unpredictable for all sorts of reasons.

Alcohol has never been so important to me that I need to drink that much in sole charge of a baby.

BorisTrumpsHair · 30/07/2017 15:43

MadMags yep, but never TOO much!

Floralnomad · 30/07/2017 15:43

Well I also don't drink at all , but the way I look at it is the person in charge of the child should imagine that they are paying someone else to look after their child and should only drink as much as they would be happy if the paid person had drunk whilst looking after the child IYSWIM . I.e. If you want your nursery worker to have had no more than 1 glass of wine then you only have 1 .

SnowWhite33 · 30/07/2017 15:45

When my son is asleep upstairs and we are having a dinner party, or a birthday party, or BBQ, or Its xmas or NYE, whatever you name it,does that mean only one of us, DH or me can have more than 1 or 2 drinks?
I think its absolute nonsense.
The only thing that really matters is common sense.
If your baby is tiny and you will need to wake up for feeds, take that into account.
If your baby is unwell and might be waking up at night, take that into account
If your baby is a bad sleeper and is generally waking up, think about that
If your child sleeps through 7am-7pm even through fireworks (like mine does), take that into account
Like i said its all down to common sence, for some 2 drinks make them drunk while others can handle a lot more and still be able to act appropriately in emergency situation.
In a social situation like this its more likely you will need to get yourself, your husband or your friend to hospital than your child anyway.

astoundedgoat · 30/07/2017 15:45

I'd had 4 glasses of wine and a few cocktails... No hangover

I could weep for those days. Now my drinking is limited not so much by virtue, but by the utterly APPALLING prospect of parenting with a hangover.

If we have friends over, I might have 4 small glasses of wine, or gasp 5 over the course of a long evening, between, say 8pm and 1am.

If I have the 5th I'll probably suffer for it the next day though.

ElizabethShaw · 30/07/2017 15:46

I don't drive anyway, so that isn't an issue for me, and I would certainly have a couple of drinks while kids are in bed.

A bottle of wine and a couple of cocktails is too much when looking after a baby though, I agree with your DP.

DearMrDilkington · 30/07/2017 15:49

Yabu. That's too much alcohol when your the only one responsible for a baby.

BusterGonad · 30/07/2017 15:49

Oh and I do agree babies vs youngish children is different, I wouldn't drink more than a few glasses of wine/ pints with a baby or toddler as obviously they need help with absolutely everything.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 15:50

It was maybe a bit too much to drink and it's the most I've drunk when I've been home with DD. But I know I wasn't drunk and my friends agree, even the sober one.

I'd say the wine was smaller measures actually, as I was conscious of not drinking too much, between me and my friend we hadn't finished two bottles and she was drinking larger glasses than me. I kept switching betteen drinks and it was spread out over 7ish hours. We'd had a Chinese around 7 and ordered pizza with other friends about 12 (yep, I'm hitting the gym later) I wouldn't drive, but I wouldn't after one drink. I wasn't stubbling or anything, just slightly giggly. I managed to phone pizzas and taxis for people going home, took care of my sick friend, cleaned up the kitchen and washed glasses.

OP posts:
squoish · 30/07/2017 15:50

I think that's probably too much. Your DP has a point.

brasty · 30/07/2017 15:51

Different people can function on different amounts of alcohol. My DP rarely drinks - a few times a year. One glass of wine would be too much if he was in charge, as it really goes straight to his head. I drink and would be fine.

You need to be able to still deal with emergencies. Whether that is cleaning up sick, or calling a taxi or 911. Few people could do that after a bottle of wine and a few cocktails.

brasty · 30/07/2017 15:52

Emboo if you could do all that, then fine. And it was over 7 hours which makes a big difference.

user1484615313 · 30/07/2017 15:53

OP you sound like you know what you're doing. But its nice you have a bf that's concerned enough to notice these things.

brasty · 30/07/2017 15:54

If I pay someone, I don't expect them to drink alcohol at all. But if I pay someone to take care of my DC I also don't expect them to use TV as a babysitter. The difference is someone being paid is doing it very short term. Whereas parents of young ones are doing it virtually all the time.