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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drink when home with DC?

194 replies

Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 13:56

My second AIBU in as many days, although this is the fault of my first!

My boyfriends been a bit of arse this morning and we've just had a bit of a row, over the fact I was drinking in the house last night, when DD was in bed.
He was out with friends and I had friends at our house, he's saying I knew he was drinking so I shouldn't have.

I can understand if I was drunk, but I obviously knew I was in charge of DD, so I wasn't! He's saying anything more than 1/2 drinks isn't ok though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 18:58

He knows because he asked this morning Annie and I told him what I'd had. I guess he asked because my friend was very hungover, but I obviously wasn't.
We're going to Ibiza for a week in September, with my family and some friends. We go to Australia for Christmas and new year though, which I'm really looking forward to.

Well she wasn't showing any signs of illness lions and she was in her room asleep as she is every night. The monitor was on and with me, she was checked on as often/probably more actually, as she usual is.

So yes, I think I'd have noticed if she became unwell. As much as any other night, anyway.

No Tatter he's not normally like this at all. Which is what's really thrown me, despite my feeling's that DD, was perfectly fine and knowing I wasn't out of control drunk.
Maybe he's been on mumsnet though, as it seems the majority think I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/07/2017 19:04

I was going to come on and say it's fine and he's being daft, we have all had a few when caring for our childl but actually even though you're trying to justify it. It does sound like a lot of booze and I can see your boyfriends point.

I like a drink as much as the next person, but I never drunk that much whilst my daughter was in my care at that age.

So I don't agree one or two, but neither do I agree the best part of a bottle of wine and cocktails. There is a mid point.

RedStripeSorry · 30/07/2017 19:28

I saw a few mum's today and out of 5 of us 3 were hanging. I'm not saying that's a good thing at all but I think it's more common than mn would believe. It does sound like a lot but over 7 hours and with food must have helped.

Tolerance is different for different people. I used to drink tons on a night out (pre dd) and feel fine. Now after not having drank anything for the first few month of this year plus my appetite being quite small I don't know my limits anymore and what you had would floor me!

I think it sounds like there's deeper issues with your relationship and he sounds like he's trying to get one over on you.

AnyFucker · 30/07/2017 19:33

I like a drink and did have a couple when in charge of tots so was prepared to say yanbu but what you had sounds like a lot

Do you come from a culture/upbringing of heavy drinking ?

IfNot · 30/07/2017 19:39

Yes because literally every single person who drinks over the recommended limits is going to die young in a horrible manner hmm and what's more, you sound quite happy about that. get a grip ffs

How rude. Nope I'm just quite a cheearful person. And not defensive about my drinking..

IfNot · 30/07/2017 19:39

And I can spell cheerful. .!

ScarletSienna · 30/07/2017 19:46

I think you did have too much if you were in charge of a child. Mostly because, as you said, you were tipsy and I don't think level decisions can be made then. What you had, does sound a fair bit to still be clear-headed.

I know I'm overly cautious though as I haven't had any alcohol since I was pregnant with DC just in case I needed to drive.

Upyourdaisy · 30/07/2017 19:49

Emboo19 I'd say you're 50/50 right now in terms of judgeiness. Wink
I'm half way through a bottle of wine and once the baby is asleep will be watching a film with the other 4 (some awful Disney shit that requires more wine!)

angieloumc · 30/07/2017 20:11

I think the amount you've had is too much to be honest. What if DD had woken you'd started feeding her and fallen asleep? However your BF is a hypocrite if he drinks at home when you're out.
As for the poster who drank 8 was it, ciders in the pub with her child, the mind boggles seriously, that's an awful lot.

Bluepansies · 30/07/2017 20:14

I personally don't like to be over the drink driving limit if I'm alone with dd as I hate the thought of not being able to drive in an emergency if I needed to

angieloumc · 30/07/2017 20:14

And if you don't drink you're 'boring as fuck'!
Come on now, if someone doesn't drink it doesn't mean they're boring, what a silly comment.

SurferRona · 30/07/2017 20:19

nah, Emboo that's fine. If anything serious (or serious feeling) happens to a loved one when you've been drinking, the adrenaline kick sobers you up extremely effectively and extremely swiftly. Not enough to drive legally, but the effects on cognition is significant. I think your DH was a being a bit of a controlling arse.

BusterGonad · 30/07/2017 20:24

Angie Of course if someone doesn't drink it doesn't make them boring but some MNetters are so righteous and bloody boring that it makes my blood boil!
I had 6 over 6 hours with food, it was a village event, full of children and friends and neighbors. A completely safe family friendly environment. It really isn't an awful lot.

Borninatrap · 30/07/2017 20:28

Ridiculous responses to OP.

She's already said she felt fine & wasn't hungover and had eaten plenty.

You do realise that there are people out there taking drugs around their kids but are still deemed to have parenting capacity? I'm not advocating taking drugs around dcs btw but there needs to be perspective. OP isn't an alcoholic but was socialising with friends and balanced her alcohol consumption out with soft drinks. OP, don't beat yourself up about last night ffs. You sound like a great mum.

NoCapes · 30/07/2017 20:32

I think if the OP had posted:
'I went out last night and left 9 month old DD with DH, when I got in I had to sleep on the couch as there was a drunk person in my bed as it turned out DH had had a bit of a party with a load of friends round and over the course of the night had drank a bottle of wine plus several cocktails, although he insists he wasn't drunk'
The replies would be very very different

I agree with your DH, that's just far too much with a 9 month old in the house

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2017 20:35

One of my absolute pet hates is when people rush to post on threads - "you sound like a great mum", based on absolutely nothing. Why do that?
Op may indeed be a great mum, then again she may not; there's no evidence either way on an anonymous forum.

Madonna9 · 30/07/2017 20:38

Four wine and a few cocktails: okay, I wouldn't be happy if my OH would've drank that much while I was away.

I'd say about three units of alcohol is the limit for the parent in charge.
Despite the fact I really couldn't handle so much alcohol when my DS was nine months old... Grin

AnyFucker · 30/07/2017 20:40

Good point well made, NoCapes

Borninatrap · 30/07/2017 20:41

One of my pet hates is when people berate other people for doing something that they wouldn't do. You are not the fucking oracle. Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't make you right or superior. It's so sneery.

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2017 20:43

No, to doesn't make me right or the Oracle, I agree. It doesn't necessarily make the op a great mum either.

AnyFucker · 30/07/2017 20:43

Well, I wouldn't snort a few grams of pure coke while in charge of children

Where do you draw the line line, born ?

Nothing is off limits for criticism, you say ?

Bedsheets4knickers · 30/07/2017 20:49

God we drink every night . Normally 1st glass is poured around 5pm with dinner .

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/07/2017 20:50

Oh sweet Jesus

Most of the binge drinking western world out their kids to bed and have a few wines

Borninatrap · 30/07/2017 20:51

Do you know what AF, I joined MN in 2005 and I remember when it wasn't used to berate people to make yourself feel better or make people feel shit about having a one off blow out. The OP, through her own cognition (and the fact that she's posted on here) is probably working out that maybe she had a bit much but what's making me Hmm is the amount of posters saying 'well I wouldn't do it...' as though they are human robots.

flogging if I want to say to OP that thinking these things through points to a certain level of competence in parenting I will. It's not a research paper, that requires peer reviewed evidence, it's an opinion. She sounds like she is a good mum and I'll reassure her if I want to. She might not give a flying shit about my opinion anyway.

MotherPie · 30/07/2017 20:51

The one night I ever had a friend round to share a bottle of wine ds had a febrile convulsion and I had to ring an ambulance. I was mortified and explained I'd had a few drink but wasn't drunk and nothing else was said.