To say I'd rather stick hot pins under all of my fingernails than go to this?

[Caenea]

An email has come through from a "committee" of people I went to secondary school with.

A reunion is being arranged for next July(!) to mark the 10 years since we all left Year 11. They are inviting me to not only go, but give a speech and be a "VIP"

The why and wherefores of this are because I was the only person in the entire year to actually move more than 50 miles away from home to go to university, the only person to go to university without a single other person from school in tow, the only person to remain in the university town after the degree was over and apparently I was a very popular person at school and everyone is very curious about what I've been up to...

Well, this is news to me, because my life was a living hell at that school. I went to the other end of the country for a reason. Even people who claimed to be my friends would push and push and push until the "jokes" were long over and I was nearly in tears. I never went back for the same reason. I hated my home town, I hated my school and I hated everyone there with three exceptions.

Would it be very unreasonable of me to reply telling this "committee" that I would literally rather boil myself in zoflora than attend this event?

Dear all,

Please don't change the date on my account. My schedule is just so packed, and subject to last minute changes, I couldn't possible guarantee my attendance.

Besides, I'd rather stick red hot needles under my toenails.

Much love

Xxxx

Fitton - sometimes people do remember and are embarrassed about how they were back then, so try to forget/ignore it. Not saying this is so in your case, but I have had it happen, where a person from school and I "met" via social media, and they apologised for the person they had been at school. Much nicer person now.

"Unfortunately I don't look back on my time at [name of school] with fondness. I am not able to attend the reunion (on any date)."

I don't think it's likely that 10 years on they want to resume bullying you. I think it's much more likely that they don't remember how awful they were to you (people don't like to think of themselves as bullies), or they do remember how awful they were, and feel a bit bad about it and want to make it up to you. Perhaps I am being too generous.

But I think it's fine to reply simply saying you don't want to go, and even to add the line about them setting fire to your jumper. I think people ought to feel bad when they've done stuff like that.

I had this.
There is one person from my school I am still in contact with.
I replied with a simple 'sorry, I'm not coming to the reunion'
For weeks I got Facebook friend requests off various people which I ignored and they gave up in the end.
I think after 10 years some people's memories are a bit warped.

You owe them nothing, I would love an opportunity to say up yours to my old bullies.

Tell them you don't want to attend and would rather do anything else on the planet than spend time in their company. Tap into your adult self, the lioness mum, not the bullied school girl. Imagine these girls bullied your child, tap into that rage. But warn your sister

we're just trying to gauge numbers

"OK thanks, you can count me out."

I love these replies!

Sorry it's so stressful op. If you think they won't stop I'd send one of the blunter replies. But all friendly sign off.

It sounds hellish to go back (but if your sisters going maybe you'll have all the Intel from what goes on?!)

Dear [organiser]

Please don't change the date on my account. My life has moved on in so many ways since I left school that I no longer feel I have any connection with it.

I shall not be attending, but I hope those who do have a good time.

Caenea

(Translation - I've moved on to better things despite you, and made more of a success of my life than you have.)
Slightly PA, but soooo polite.

Oh I fully intend to get up on the gossip.

My sister hung around the homestead for a few more years than I did so she was able to tell me that one of the boys ended up in prison for armed robbery and one of the girls ended up on Jeremy Kyle...

I will not lie, a part of me was rather pleased.

I've replied just saying I live too far away to return for one night out and to count me out of it if they need numbers. I think any further replies will either get the ignore, ignore, ignore response or an incredibly rude dismissal if they pick a bad moment...

I actually had one hideous bully apologise to me. He said he'd been a twat, had actually fancied me but his mates had taken the piss because I wasn't cool. And that now he realised what an utter arse he had been and he was sorry.

I thought that took some balls to do so I bestowed my forgiveness and he's actually turned into a reasonably nice person. We parted on good terms.

You don't need to justify, apologise, defend or explain. Your reply that it's too far is a good one despite that.

Look how they've made you feel though. Think about that for a bit, then realise you owe them nothing. I hope you're super successful in whatever you currently do and are reclining on your yacht sipping something delicious.

Have you seen "Grosse Point Blank"? It's excellent. Fabulous sound track.

Caenea

Did we go to the same school ? I am aware of a lad in my year and one a couple of years below that went away from armed robbery plus at least 2 (possibly 3 I honestly can't remember) that went on Jeremy Kyle ...

Last Sunday a friend's boyfriend asked me were DH and I going to an event he's involved with next weekend. I said "No, we can't make it" his answer was " Oh, here come the excuses". I replied "I don't have to give you any reason or excuse, we won't be going".
It really is that simple OP.

I have a subsequent engagement.

I had that, magicstar1. It's really liberating to stop with the "sorry, can't" or "such a shame, I have to cut my toenails". The ability to say "I don't want to/ I won't come" without offering further explanation has been life changing. If I am on friendly terms and wish to remain so, I add a "have a great time".

Not only has it freed me of unwanted social occasions, I also have much more fun on the ones I attend. I say yes, I really mean it.

www.dailymotion.com/video/x3bnw4r

Sort of similar.

I had a great time at school, but I wouldn't go near a reunion!

I wasn't cool, I wasn't part of the in crowd. But I had my friends and while I got teased and picked on a bit for various things (mainly because I was football obsessed and didn't know how to manage it - I was a bit of a prat looking back, but it's no excuse to chuck my (admittedly football team emblazoned) coat in a pond...), I generally enjoyed school.

But I despised the girls that made up the "in" crowd. The girls who always had time to do their hair and make up, who looked, even in a very drab school uniform, amazing. I was so plain, so normal, and yet personality wise so strange and off the wall. And I was loud. I never knew when to shut up, always making stupid comments and chatting. Those girls made me feel like I was wrong for being like that.

The boys weren't much better - they were all football mad too, but a different team (think Liverpool/Everton, but much further south) and took the piss non-stop.

I know it would be those girls who would organise a reunion and I have no desire to see any of them ever again. I have not done much with my life, which actually I'm quite happy with because I never wanted to - I just wanted to have children and run a household, which is what I do, working part time for my sanity bills etc.

So I would be happy to tell them that I won't be coming, regardless of dates. I'm still in touch with my best friend from school,we're still best friends and she's godmother to my eldest. If I wanted to be in touch with anyone else, I would be. I'm not, so make of that what you will!

You've done the right thing OP, hopefully they'll get the message this time!

Ever see "Carrie"? I have a spidey tingle that the proposed VIP status is a roose to set you up to knock you down again but then I am a cynical old bag.

Dear Committee
After 10 years I have moved on and left childish things behind. Shame you haven't
Love Caenea

Don't say you can't go, say you don't want to.
Then you won't be hassled to change your mind, and you allude to how unpleasant it was for you, letting them know that you are not their mug.

Love that line from friends "oh I wish I could. But I dont want to."

No need for explanations.

@Youcan't...

Was it in W. London and an absolute hellhole?

I have never been to a school reunion (20 years for me), am not Facebook friends with anyone from school, and no desire to be anymore. I had about four of them as friends 8 years ago when Facebook was still quite new and after a few weeks, I kept getting little digs to my posts that made me remember all the bullying and comments from school.

A week later, I deleted the lot of them after another comment and didn't reply to their "concerned message".

They hadn't changed.

I think in your case, you have to reply just once again but firmer and make it very clear no date will work for you.

Then after that, ignore and delete.

There are no dates in my diary free for school reunions. Hope you all enjoy the night.