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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I'd rather stick hot pins under all of my fingernails than go to this?

173 replies

Caenea · 30/07/2017 11:44

An email has come through from a "committee" of people I went to secondary school with.

A reunion is being arranged for next July(!) to mark the 10 years since we all left Year 11. They are inviting me to not only go, but give a speech and be a "VIP"

The why and wherefores of this are because I was the only person in the entire year to actually move more than 50 miles away from home to go to university, the only person to go to university without a single other person from school in tow, the only person to remain in the university town after the degree was over and apparently I was a very popular person at school and everyone is very curious about what I've been up to...

Well, this is news to me, because my life was a living hell at that school. I went to the other end of the country for a reason. Even people who claimed to be my friends would push and push and push until the "jokes" were long over and I was nearly in tears. I never went back for the same reason. I hated my home town, I hated my school and I hated everyone there with three exceptions.

Would it be very unreasonable of me to reply telling this "committee" that I would literally rather boil myself in zoflora than attend this event?

OP posts:
magicstar1 · 31/07/2017 10:52

I was a loner through school...wasn't bullied, but not made welcome either. At a friend's 40th she introduced me to her friend, who happened to be from my school. She made a big squeal "Oooh great to see you" blah blah blah. I'd had a few drinks so was totally blunt and replied "you didn't talk to me through school, so don't bother starting now" and I walked off. Felt good lol.

Original poster
Caenea · 02/08/2017 12:13

Oh bloody hell...

I thought I'd got away with it but no. They've emailed me back, asking if changing the date would work as "nothing is certain yet, we're just trying to gauge numbers."

Whyyyy. They can't possibly get a date that suits everyone. Why are they offering to alter it? I've ignored it for now, but I have a horrible, horrible feeling that they're not going to take being ignored.

For God's sake one of these girls threw a bag at my head in a science lesson once.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 12:17

So, continue to ignore it Confused

Butterymuffin · 02/08/2017 12:20

You've replied once. Ignore it now. Then eventually they'll have to come back with another date if they do and you'll unfortunately be busy on that too. The middle email - you're just so busy that that one got overlooked. I think you win by not showing emotion but also not agreeing to go to whatever is being planned.

MrsJamin · 02/08/2017 12:22

I think you need to tell them that you have no interest seeing them again. I had a similar secondary school experience and would rather iron my hand than do a speech in front of people that made my teenage years so desperately sad and lonely.

CoughLaughFart · 02/08/2017 12:25

'Oh no; thank you so much, but I couldn't possibly ask you to change everything for me. Have a wonderful time!'

'Screw you bitches' would be a more succinct version, but it would possibly lose you the moral high ground.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 02/08/2017 12:27

'' I'm afraid I'm busy next year. And the year after that - capisce?''

They should be able to understand that.

JennyTaylior · 02/08/2017 12:29

This is why you need to be blunt - so you don't give them ammo for a batting to and fro game. Just say "Thank you, I am not interested"
No excuses, no made-up reasons, just no.

KarineAimee · 02/08/2017 12:30

"Thanks, but I won't be attending on any date. Hope it goes well" Boom.

They don't deserve your politeness, but hopefully it will get rid of them pestering you.

AllThatGlistensIs · 02/08/2017 12:32

It sounds like you need to get out of the mindset of thinking you need to reply to them.

You don't, honestly. Simply don't reply, and don't give it any more headspace Confused

MrsPorth · 02/08/2017 12:32

Oh dear. I was one of the posters who advised you to say the date was not ok.

They're pathetic, sucking up like this to someone who's made good. Fools.

Ignoring them is the only option now. Or maybe replying, "I'm very busy and stuff tends to come up at short notice. Fix a date and let me know, but please don't work it around me."

I do think that ignoring is best though. The woman in charge is clearly thick skinned.

FadedRed · 02/08/2017 12:32

Just ignore and/or block any further emails. Don't give it any more headspace. To put it kindly, that you seem to feel a need to reply at all makes me wonder if you are still feeling intimidated by them. You are an Independant adult now, not a schoolgirl any more. They are just a unhappy memory. So take control and ignore them.

BabsGanoush · 02/08/2017 12:32

Say you can't attend in person but do a pre-recorded video saying you got a first at Cambridge and became a brain surgeon, your work has taken you all over the world. The highlight was dining with Barack Obama. You can't attend as the date clashed with an invite to The Palace.

Wondermoomin · 02/08/2017 12:34

You should've gone with OverOn's advice, that was the most sensible on the thread.

No need to create drama - either delete the message or respond with a simple "Thanks for the invite, but I'm not able to attend. Have a great time".

You can still do this. If you do decide to send the message as above, make it your last. It firmly shows closure on the matter while being mature and polite about it so you retain the dignified position. You can then safely ignore any further contact.

Wondermoomin · 02/08/2017 12:36

Oh and I meant to add - don't say why you're not able to attend, just state it as fact. If you give reasons and excuses, they can be dismantled as you've seen from using an inconvenient date as the excuse.

Holly6474 · 02/08/2017 12:37

Gosh I would be blunt now. I would rather shit in my hands and clap than go to a school reunion, for similar reason to you OP. Why would I ever want to be in a room with the bastards who bullied me?!

PoppyFleur · 02/08/2017 12:39

And this is why you should never specify a date being inconvenient! A suggested reply;

Thank you for the kind invite but unfortunately I will be unable to attend. Wishing everyone a lovely evening.

Good luck OP. By any chance did you go to public school? Could this be a reunion/school alumni fundraiser?

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 02/08/2017 12:40

I basically had the same as you.

My school had a reunion a while back. I declined to attend. That was it.

I don't wish any of them ill but I'm quite happy never to see them ever again too.

Donttouchthethings · 02/08/2017 12:41

DO NOT REPLY!
They are virtual strangers on the internet trying to get you to buy into something.
You owe them NOTHING!
Do not engage.
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore!!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 02/08/2017 12:42

Dear xxxxx,

I was being polite in my last email, I am not interested in attending the function.

Regards,

Caenea.

Then block their email address. Flowers

Donttouchthethings · 02/08/2017 12:42

IGNORE!!

user1492692527 · 02/08/2017 12:43

Of course you could go down the "Well I now charge for attendance at events. My hourly charge is £squillions, payable in advance and non refundable.."

BannedFromNarnia · 02/08/2017 12:43

Honestly, I would just reply at this point with something like - "There's not need to change the date for me, I'm afraid it isn't an event I'd want to attend at all. I hope it goes well, but please count me out."

"Can't make it" with reason is polite code for "over my dead body". If they push after that a polite but extremely clear no is fine.

If they carry on asking, then just keep repeating your polite statement. (Oh and note that my statement doesn't actually say sorry, because you're not. No need to apologise to them.)

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 02/08/2017 12:43

You don't need to reply to the next one. You've replied politely. Now just block and ignore. Let them organise their little party.

Take care.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 02/08/2017 12:44

What Raptorina said. That's the best - please use it!

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