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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I'd rather stick hot pins under all of my fingernails than go to this?

173 replies

Caenea · 30/07/2017 11:44

An email has come through from a "committee" of people I went to secondary school with.

A reunion is being arranged for next July(!) to mark the 10 years since we all left Year 11. They are inviting me to not only go, but give a speech and be a "VIP"

The why and wherefores of this are because I was the only person in the entire year to actually move more than 50 miles away from home to go to university, the only person to go to university without a single other person from school in tow, the only person to remain in the university town after the degree was over and apparently I was a very popular person at school and everyone is very curious about what I've been up to...

Well, this is news to me, because my life was a living hell at that school. I went to the other end of the country for a reason. Even people who claimed to be my friends would push and push and push until the "jokes" were long over and I was nearly in tears. I never went back for the same reason. I hated my home town, I hated my school and I hated everyone there with three exceptions.

Would it be very unreasonable of me to reply telling this "committee" that I would literally rather boil myself in zoflora than attend this event?

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/07/2017 12:03

I still live in the village where my school was but I'd rather jump in a pit of snakes during mating seasons than go to a school reunion. When there was one, I didnt go. They made my school years miserable as fuck.

Evewasinnocent · 30/07/2017 12:04

Tell them you have a subsequent engagement to attend

Original poster
Caenea · 30/07/2017 12:04

Where they got the email from is a complete mystery to be honest. Very few people have my personal email - I primarily use my work email - so I have sent round a query to ask who gave it out.

My sister says she might go and good luck to her but I've told her outright that hell will freeze over before I am voluntarily in a room with any of those people.

OP posts:
CanaryFish · 30/07/2017 12:04

I wouldn't reply at all.
Delete and ignore

paxillin · 30/07/2017 12:04

Best delete. If you want to respond just say "Thank you for the invite, I won't be attending. Best wishes"

tigerdriverII · 30/07/2017 12:06

Just decline: no explanations or sorries. If they contact you again, ignore and block.

It's very British (I'm making an assumption there), very female (ditto) and very MN to feel you have to explain yourself. I've been training myself out of it: I cut virtually every sentence I write, or say, in half!

IrritatedUser1960 · 30/07/2017 12:07

I can't imagine anything worse, I never got bullied at school but loathed the whole experience and have no desire to see any of them ever again.
Although I have occasionally looked at open facebook pages and have noted that the most promising and popular pupils have done fuck all with their lives.

Floggingmolly · 30/07/2017 12:07

How did they manage to contact you? The proposed "VIP" thing sounds uncomfortably like a Stephen King's Carrie setup to me, sorry.

Original poster
Caenea · 30/07/2017 12:08

You're all so sensible. Thank GOD I didn't reply last night - the baby was howling at me so I was in no mood to be subtle or polite.

My problem is, what event could I be attending that's booked up a year in advance?

OP posts:
CurlsandCurves · 30/07/2017 12:10

Family wedding?
Holiday?

smashyourglasses · 30/07/2017 12:10

You don't need an excuse ffs. Just say 'no'.

Original poster
Caenea · 30/07/2017 12:10

The VIP garbage is ringing alarm bells for me too.

I can't help thinking that someone's been passing on information about me to various others - not got a problem with it, people will gossip and all the rest of it, doesn't bother me - but they've caught wind of the fact that I'm not exactly doing badly...

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 30/07/2017 12:10

Sounds like they are just nosy and want to find out whether you became successful and thought they could lure you back with a VIP pass when you might have otherwise said no.

OverOn · 30/07/2017 12:12

You don't need to make up an event - just say you can't go. If they email back asking why, you just ignore it.

noblegiraffe · 30/07/2017 12:12

You don't need to tell them why you can't make it. Just say 'sorry, I can't make it, hope you all have a lovely time'.

SapphireStrange · 30/07/2017 12:14

My problem is, what event could I be attending that's booked up a year in advance?

You don't need to invent one! Do not explain or apologise.

Block them from contacting you on that email address too, if you can.

hatsoncats · 30/07/2017 12:14

Sounds like an opportunity for them to rip the piss out of you all night long.

Either as above, "I will not be attending this event" or even better still, just delete, ignore & block on your email settings. Silence often speaks louder than words.

AnyFarrahFowler · 30/07/2017 12:16

You don't need to give a reason or say sorry. Just say "I won't be attending. Regards, Caenea".

There is nothing in this world that would entice me back to my secondary school for a reunion.

SkintAsASkintThing · 30/07/2017 12:17

If your sister is considering going it sounds like she's the likely culprit........id keep them hanging for 6 months or so then respond apologising that the email had gone into the spam box and that you won't be able to attend as you're far too busy.

ZippyCameBack · 30/07/2017 12:17

I probably wouldn't go if it was the secondary school where I did my Highers, because I still see a few people from there so I know roughly what they are like and what they are doing. I'm related to most of them by marriage now (very rural area) so family gossip keeps me informed.
The boarding school I went to before that is a whole other matter. About 12 years ago I got an invitation to some huge anniversary celebration and it sent me into a bit of a tailspin. I made some excuse about not really being ready to go back, plus I had a small baby at the time. I'd been the token poor kid there already, I didn't need to repeat the experience.

Timefortea99 · 30/07/2017 12:18

You don't have to give an excuse. Just say, thank you for the invite but I cannot attend. Best wishes....Or don't respond. This is not a big thing. You don't owe them anything including an explanation. I didn't mind school but I would never attend a reunion. Look forward, not back.

Gingernaut · 30/07/2017 12:18

Block the email.

Block them on Facebook.

Don't respond.

MrsMozart · 30/07/2017 12:19

Y'up. On further thought, unless you're now a 'famous in the media person' where to not acknowledge etc. would harm you, delete and block.

DistanceCall · 30/07/2017 12:19

To be honest, I would make use of the opportunity and tell them to go fuck themselves.

A dignified silence is overrated sometimes, IMO.

DeathByMascara · 30/07/2017 12:20

Nope. Just don't go. Don't even bother replying!

I went to one a number of years ago and it wasn't all that bad to be honest. Although I haven't forgotten one bitch woman commenting 'what, you're getting married??' in very unflattering shock.

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