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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I'd rather stick hot pins under all of my fingernails than go to this?

173 replies

Caenea · 30/07/2017 11:44

An email has come through from a "committee" of people I went to secondary school with.

A reunion is being arranged for next July(!) to mark the 10 years since we all left Year 11. They are inviting me to not only go, but give a speech and be a "VIP"

The why and wherefores of this are because I was the only person in the entire year to actually move more than 50 miles away from home to go to university, the only person to go to university without a single other person from school in tow, the only person to remain in the university town after the degree was over and apparently I was a very popular person at school and everyone is very curious about what I've been up to...

Well, this is news to me, because my life was a living hell at that school. I went to the other end of the country for a reason. Even people who claimed to be my friends would push and push and push until the "jokes" were long over and I was nearly in tears. I never went back for the same reason. I hated my home town, I hated my school and I hated everyone there with three exceptions.

Would it be very unreasonable of me to reply telling this "committee" that I would literally rather boil myself in zoflora than attend this event?

OP posts:
BannedFromNarnia · 02/08/2017 12:45

@MrsPorth The problem with the 'things come up at short notice' response is the same as the 'I'm busy' response - they'll just keep pushing you to committ. Far better to nip it in the bud and just say no with no excuse for them to cling onto.

Can you tell I have to say 'NOPE' a lot at work?!

mikeyssister · 02/08/2017 12:47

I have to be honest and say I expected that reply. And if you don't reply to this one they will continue to contact you.

Nice and simple: Thanks for the invite but I won't be attending.

Don't say why or that you're not able or that you don't want to.

Friedsprout · 02/08/2017 12:47

Thank you, but I'm really not interested.

Regards

SteppingOnToes · 02/08/2017 12:48

I had similar - and tried to get out of it saying the date didn't work. When they persisted I listed all the shitty things they did to me as a child as the reasons I would not be attending and said that I was in touch with all the people I wanted to be in touch with...

Golondrina · 02/08/2017 12:48

Just don't reply again.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/08/2017 12:49

I think replying again would be in order - just say "No, please don't change the date on my account as it's unlikely I would make it whatever day you choose, my schedule is packed".

And if they STILL badger you, THEN tell them to fuck off.

Golondrina · 02/08/2017 12:50

Or if you feel you must, reply, "Thanks, but that won't work for me I'm afraid." or "Thanks, but I'm really not interested" Keep repeating that.

Areyoufree · 02/08/2017 12:50

A group of boys once followed me almost all the way home, spitting at me the entire time. It remains one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. One of them tried to friend me on Facebook a few years ago. I honestly think sometimes people don't remember stuff the same way.

user1495451339 · 02/08/2017 12:51

Just don't reply again and leave it at that. They sound like they might humiliate you.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 02/08/2017 12:56

"I'm afraid I have a substantial number of commitments which would make attending this reunion on any date somewhat onerous.
All the best with it though."

Too passive aggressive?

BewareOfDragons · 02/08/2017 12:56

Dear xxx,

I will be clearer: no date will work for me. Your proposed reunion is my idea of hell. Please do not contact me again.

C

StormTreader · 02/08/2017 12:58

"I am not available to attend this event. Regards, Caenea".

ToEarlyForDecorations · 02/08/2017 12:58

What Userlotsa numbers said ! Brilliant.

  1. They want some mug to give the speech so they don't have to.
  2. They still think they can push you around.
  3. It's some sort of coup to have you there.
  4. Notice it's the same group that were shitty to you at school.

As you've been advised a simple no thank you I am not interested in attending this event should be sufficient. Personally, I would put in a further sentence to say, 'please do not contact me in future regarding this or any other matter.'

Cackleberry4 · 02/08/2017 13:00

I'd respond with 'Thank you for the invitation but I will not be attending, reunions just aren't my bag.'

They are going to fawn over you at the beginning and then bitch about you after, don't let them set you up as an Aunt Sally.

From personal experience it doesn't take long for the clique mentality to kick in and old behaviours to quickly return.

Blackadderspants · 02/08/2017 13:01

Caenea Flowers so sorry they are badgering you. She sounds like she won't back down until she has a firm no.

I'd say

Dear XXX

I am not interested in attending this event on any date.

Regards
C

Then ignore and block. You don't owe her any explanation or excuse.

morningconstitutional2017 · 02/08/2017 13:01

If school was so miserable for you no-one would blame you for not attending.

I would send a short and pithy reply to these ghastly bullies - just one word will be sufficient - NO.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/08/2017 13:01

My problem is, what event could I be attending that's booked up a year in advance

Washing your hair? Cutting your toenails?

Fact is - you don't need to give a reason.

Either don't respond at all or just say. "No thanks." They are wanting to find out about you and are

A) hoping that your life is shit

B) going to spend the next 10 years talking about what you wore/said/did at the reunion

C) both of the above.

You will not win against these people. If you are in a job you love but it doesn't pay particularly well it will be all "Huh - thought she was soooo much better than us and look at her."

If you are doing stonkingly well it will be "She thinks she's too good for the likes of us - just came to show off, the snotty cow!"

Keep well away - it's just not worth engaging with them.

Spudlet · 02/08/2017 13:03

I too would rather wade through sewage than attend a school reunion. I lost touch with these people for a reason!

'Thanks, but no. Reunions aren't my thing.'

Firm, leaves no wriggle room, and also hints that you are now so utterly fabulous that you are regularly invited to VIP it up at reunions, and it's just such a bore... Grin

paxillin · 02/08/2017 13:03

Time to drop being polite then.

Dear School-Not-Friend,

I have no interest in this or any subsequent school reunions. Please remove my email from this mailing list, it was given to you without my consent.

Caenea

dingdongdigeridoo · 02/08/2017 13:03

Dear X,

Nah.

Regards,
OP

Blackadderspants · 02/08/2017 13:05

What paxillin said - brilliant.

Although I also like dingdongdigeridoo's suggestion Grin

noblegiraffe · 02/08/2017 13:05

Just reply with 'unsubscribe'.

user1486669405 · 02/08/2017 13:06

Arrive by helicopter.

SweetLuck · 02/08/2017 13:07

This is exactly why you should never use 'busy' as a reason for non attendance. Just say 'I'd rather not, thanks. Hope you have a great time.' and leave it at that.

CarrieBradshaw85 · 02/08/2017 13:08

Fuck that. I had similar experience to you at school OP and I refuse to consort with any of the filth I went to school with. Vile nasty people, but as a PP has said don't reply or send something saying 'thanks but no thanks have a good time. Then change font to white and type 'fuck you' repeatedly.

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