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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say I'd rather stick hot pins under all of my fingernails than go to this?

173 replies

Caenea · 30/07/2017 11:44

An email has come through from a "committee" of people I went to secondary school with.

A reunion is being arranged for next July(!) to mark the 10 years since we all left Year 11. They are inviting me to not only go, but give a speech and be a "VIP"

The why and wherefores of this are because I was the only person in the entire year to actually move more than 50 miles away from home to go to university, the only person to go to university without a single other person from school in tow, the only person to remain in the university town after the degree was over and apparently I was a very popular person at school and everyone is very curious about what I've been up to...

Well, this is news to me, because my life was a living hell at that school. I went to the other end of the country for a reason. Even people who claimed to be my friends would push and push and push until the "jokes" were long over and I was nearly in tears. I never went back for the same reason. I hated my home town, I hated my school and I hated everyone there with three exceptions.

Would it be very unreasonable of me to reply telling this "committee" that I would literally rather boil myself in zoflora than attend this event?

OP posts:

Trb17 · 30/07/2017 12:24

@Caenea... you don't need to give a reason. Just send a short note back saying, "Unfortubately I'm unable to attend. Hope the event goes well. Regards" ... then delete any and all further emails. Job done. NO is a complete sentence.

YANBU. I'd avoid a reunion of my school like the plague tbh.

WotsitWig · 30/07/2017 12:25

Ugh, just delete the email, OP. If you reply, they might try to start a conversation with you.

TheLegendOfBeans · 30/07/2017 12:26

I had this!

After quite literally questioning everything I'd experienced at that awful place I concluded that I'd rather staple my tits to a windmill and deleted the email and blocked the sender.

Kittychatcat · 30/07/2017 12:27

Either ignore the email or say 'thanks for the message, I won't be attending'.There is no need to explain anything or make up excuses.

If your sister does go along to the event tell her to be vague about why you aren't there (she's away, she's busy this weekend etc instead of she'd rather stick pins in her eyes than see any of you again)

nina2b · 30/07/2017 12:28

Wild horses couldn't drag me up a school reunion or a university one come to that. Ghastly in the extreme! Just ignore, delete etc.

nina2b · 30/07/2017 12:29

...to a school reunion...

SapphireStrange · 30/07/2017 12:29

I'd rather staple my tits to a windmill

I'm stealing that.

hellejuice91 · 30/07/2017 12:33

My secondary school did something very similar recently. A girl (who I don't remember) added a huge number of people to a group on facebook to mark the 10 year anniversary. There were three types of people:

Those who were up for it and talking about what to do/where to go etc
Those who either chose to ignore the invite or explain it was not possible to go
Those who made a string of accusations about school life and said how horrible everyone was

I admit the ones that made the comments did have a pretty hard time, but all they suceeded in was making themselves look bitter, meaning the bitchy girls and bullies from school (who probably thought they did nothing wrong) won yet again.

Just politely decline.

FadedRed · 30/07/2017 12:40

You could send the response via your Personal Assistant, just to wind them up a bit.
"Ms Caenea sends her compliments, but will not be attending the event of XXth XXXX 2018. She hopes you all have a pleasant evening.
Nelly Bloggs
PA to Ms Caenea"
Then delete and block.
Ask your DSis if she has given your contact details to this group, and ask her to check with you first before doing the same in the future.

SapphireStrange · 30/07/2017 12:42

Great idea, Faded!

Trb17 · 30/07/2017 12:47

Faded wins actually

Original poster

Caenea · 30/07/2017 12:47

Oh heavens no, it wasn't my sister who handed it out!

A friend has got back to me apologising and said she gave it to them. I'm not happy and I've told her so, but it's done now!

I have replied, because I'm too British to just ignore it. I have just said:

Dear [name]

Unfortunately, this date doesn't work for me. Trust it goes well,

Caenea.

Thank you for all being so sensible. We'll have to see if they take the hint.

OP posts:

missmoohoo · 30/07/2017 12:47

Send you op to them.

Trb17 · 30/07/2017 12:49

Well done Caenea ... if they reply and try to rearrange or persuade you then just block the sender.

CoughLaughFart · 30/07/2017 13:08

I think you did the right thing by replying. Ignoring it would simply have meant follow-up emails, them badgering your sister 'just to check' you hadn't missed it etc.

In a slight defence of school reunions, I actually had a great time at mine, completely unexpectedly (trust me, I was NOT one of the popular kids). That said, it was an informal night in a bar organised by one woman, and I knew I had the option to duck out after a couple of drinks if it was hideous. I'd have probably felt very different about a big do with speeches organised by committee!

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 30/07/2017 13:09

@MrsMozart omg, you swore, lass! Love that we can swear on here.

A new colleague swore the other day and then looked horrified. I told him we're adults, it's allowed.

LadyCassandra · 30/07/2017 13:09

We had one a couple of years ago. Fortunately I live on the other side of the world so I was unable to attend. In the run up, I had to change my Facebook name from [firstname] [maidenname] [marriedname] and removed my maiden name so I couldn't be found as easily, as I got tons of friend requests from people who I would cross the road to get away from.

SapphireStrange · 30/07/2017 13:13

Well done, OP.

I'd ignore/block any further advances.

MrsMozart · 30/07/2017 16:28

@GingerAndGivingofZeroFucks it happens sometimes m'duck, it happens Admittedly usually only when stood on by a horse or similar event or, as occasionally happens, when the fuckwittery becomes too much

mrscropley · 30/07/2017 16:32

You should have explained your social diary is full up to 2020 or you would have loved to mingle. .

TheClaws · 31/07/2017 01:19

But MrsCropley, how about August 23, 2020, the date of the next reunion? Pop it into the diary NOW!

oldlaundbooth · 31/07/2017 01:52

Absolutely no fucking way will you be going to that reunion young lady.

Stay here and talk to us instead!

manicinsomniac · 31/07/2017 02:05

Think you've made the right decision.

I know they must all be mid twenties but something about the tone of the emails - VIP, speech, 'nobody's heard from you on facebook so we're all really interested' etc - worries me and gets my 'high school bullies' sensors twitching. If it was me I'd be thinking that they were planning some kind of humiliating practical joke on you (like in teen movies where the unpopular kid gets invited to prom by the football captain as a joke/dare and then ditched/laughed at). Probably unlikely and just my paranoia but there's no way I'd be risking it.

Original poster

Caenea · 31/07/2017 10:23

Yes, we're all mid-twenties. I sent the email yesterday and so far - fingers crossed - I haven't heard anything back.

I would like to think that there were no ulterior motives behind the invite but I'm not that stupid and I'm not that trusting - just as an example, when I was encouraged by the staff to run for Head Girl, they listened perfectly to everyone's campaign speech, then chatted through mine.

There was also the incident where they set fire to the sleeve of my jumper with deodorant and a lighter. Fortunately it was tied around my waist at the time and I got it off before any harm was done, but I genuinely cannot understand why they would go from that to "Ooo, you're so out of touch now, we want to hear from you!" regardless of how much time has passed.

I'm so angry. I honestly thought I'd brushed all this nonsense off and that I was getting over it and it was all water under the bridge etc - but no, this has dragged it all back up and my primary thought is just "How fucking dare you".

Grrrrrr.

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 31/07/2017 10:26

Good reply. Though I also liked the idea of getting the PA to do it.

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