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Original poster

To be fuming with DSIS???

411 replies

K1092902 · 30/07/2017 00:55

DSIS is getting married end of August. I'm maid of honour and DSD2 is supposed to be one of three bridesmaids and DD a flower girl with DNiece.

DSIS is visiting from France tomorrow. They are staying for 3 weeks but we will only be seeing them tomorrow as we go to London on Monday and DM/DF and DSIS are going to Wales for a fortnight a long with future BIL and DNiece.

DSD2 is 18 and we have recently found out she is pregnant.

DM and has told DSIS over the phone sometime this week. I wasn't aware of this and was going to tell her in person when we see her tomorrow

She has now decided she doesn't want DSD being a bridesmaid as she doesn't want to be shown as condoning teenage pregnancy.

DM telephoned me upset 20 mins ago to say DSIS phoned earlier to tell her.

DM has now been put in a position and doesn't want us coming for dinner tomorrow as she knows we will argue.

I'm fuming. I'd be on the phone to her now but she will be driving to Calais to catch her ferry.

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 19:13

Controlling?!

The histrionics on this thread amaze me!

The bride is merely exercising her right to choose her own bridesmaids - why do the family think they have any right to FORCE her or SHAME her into making decisions she is not happy with?

Or is it only pregnant 18 yr olds who are allowed to have personal choice?

sunnydalegottobedone · 01/08/2017 19:15

Wow to some of these posts Confused OP you sound lovely, and an awesome SM. I hope you all have a lovely day out somewhere as a family.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 01/08/2017 19:17

It's not teen pregnancy though, she's 18

You know the TEEN part of EIGHTEEN? That means she is a TEEN.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 01/08/2017 19:27

The bride is perfectly entitled to dump her niece as a bridesmaid just a few weeks before the wedding because it looks like she's 'condoning' teen pregnancy.

It just makes her look like a controlling twat.

Does that somehow upset you heebies?

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 19:39

no - it makes me laugh that you're so determined to condone teen pregnancies that you would twist this into a 'control' issue.......
what exactly is the bride 'controlling' in DSD's life?

histinyhandsarefrozen · 01/08/2017 19:43

The bride is dumping her neice because she is pregnant. That's bizarre.
Stand up for it if you like. Smile it just makes you look like a twat too.

kittybiscuits · 01/08/2017 19:50

With bells on.

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 19:53

the bride is dumping her niece because she's an irresponsible teenager.....if the bride believes that teen pregnancy is not something she wants to promote then she has that right.

DSD needs to learn some maturity if she's going to go all precious over a bridesmaid position

pointythings · 01/08/2017 19:58

Heebie you need a dictionary. If the bride were to have a placard designed which she would then display prominently at her wedding, reading TEENAGE PREGNANCY IS FAB then she would be promoting teenage pregnancy.

As it is she is being a dick about having someone whose pregnancy probably won't even be noticed by people who don't already know about it in her wedding because she has suddenly developed 1950s morality, this after having had a child before marriage herself.

That's called hypocrisy.

Of course the sister is free to dump whoever she want from the wedding. But let's hope she doesn't complain when her family judge her for it. Which very many of them will.

Willow2017 · 01/08/2017 20:29

So far we have learned that if you are under 20 and pregnant then you have a duty to get rid of it because heven forbid you actually could cope with a baby and go on to have a great life.

Many single mums I know were with someone and are now not, they have jobs, pay for childcare and have got on with their lives. Not every single mum is sad and desperate to go out clubbing and carving a career in some high flying job.

All the hystrionics seem to come from people on this thread who seem to have got the idea that the op is trying to force her dsis to do anything. Not once has she said this, only that she is disapointed that her dsis has done this and dumped the rest of them too without even having the decency to talk to her first. Thats shitty behaviour right there.

People seem to have forgotten that a little girl was looking forward to being a flower girl and she has been dumped unceremoniously too.

Nobody is saying that dsis should be foreced to do anything just her stance on 'condoning teen preg' is pathetic, the pregnancy wont even be noticed yet, its a pitiful excuse and a bit suspect that she had somneone else lined up to take ops place before she even spoke to her.

And again she has a child before being married anyway, what makes her so special that its ok for her but nobody else? Just where on the moral high ground is she perched (rather precariously)?

Yep funny how there is now a 'new user' joined in....

Lunde · 01/08/2017 20:33

the bride is dumping her niece because she's an irresponsible teenager.....if the bride believes that teen pregnancy is not something she wants to promote then she has that right. DSD needs to learn some maturity if she's going to go all precious over a bridesmaid position

So why has the Bride, in addition to sacking adult DSD, also sacked her own married sister as MoH and her young flower girl niece from the wedding? Are they being "irresponsible" as well.

All sounds very Bridezilla to dump the whole of one side of the family from the wedding party

MetalMidget · 01/08/2017 20:44

If this is totally unexpected from the sister, I'd be wondering if she's been put under pressure by her husband to be or his family. Binning off a bridesmaid just because she's pregnant is bizarre, unless the couple are devoutly religious.

I'm a bit worried now, one of my bridesmaids liked R&B and dance music. I'd hate to think that people thought that I endorsed that sort of behaviour....

CoughLaughFart · 01/08/2017 20:53

The bride is dumping her niece because she's an irresponsible teenager.....if the bride believes that teen pregnancy is not something she wants to promote then she has that right.

She's not being asked to front a national campaign in favour of it. She's being asked not to kick her own niece when she's down.

acatcalledjohn · 01/08/2017 21:02

I don't know about anyone else, but to me it almost reads as if DSIS is sock puppeting on this thread...

There seems to be a rather bizarre and outdated attitude that an 18YO is somehow better off dealing with the tough emotional decision to abort her pregnancy, as opposed to having the baby. Both are tough decisions for different reasons which none of you get to decide on, BECAUSE BODILY AUTONOMY!

She's already had to deal with her BF running off, her DF acting like a worthless and uncaring piece of shit, now followed by being ostracised from a social occasion as if she's some sort of dirty Victorian freak show. And because she sadly no longer has her own mother to turn to, she relies on her (frankly bloody amazing) StepMother for emotional support.

The girl needs support, not a bunch of people pretending to be the morality police and punishing her for a mistake. She's had enough shit flung at her, cut her some slack.

sunnydalegottobedone · 01/08/2017 21:09

To acatcalledjohn WineWineBiscuitBiscuitSmile and some cake CakeCake spot on

Beadieeye · 01/08/2017 21:21

Oh wow, this is baffling. I'm so sorry you and SD are going through this. I don't understand how your sister has made the connection between: her wedding and the approval/disproval of a pregnancy. A wedding is a family celebration for most, not a proclamation of the bride's own moral compass. More to the point, why does you sister believe SHE must not condone another woman's pregnancy? And for whose benefit? Will there be extremely old-fashioned guests there who need to be shielded from reality?
I'm thinking the planning of the wedding has gone to her head, and can guarantee that if this IS out of character for her, she will look back on this and feel thoroughly ashamed. She's risking tainting her own wedding day because she will remember her shoddy treatment of you all.

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 21:30

Get real people!

this after having had a child before marriage herself
She most likely wasn't 18 when she had her dc and wasn't relying on her parents to fund her lifestyle choice.

now followed by being ostracised from a social occasion
She's still invited to the wedding - just not as bridesmaid - i wouldn't call that being 'ostracised'.

acat Is that what you do when you can't accept that people on a public forum have a different opinion?
Accuse them of 'sock-puppeting'/being a troll and try derailing the thread?

How very mature of you.....

histinyhandsarefrozen · 01/08/2017 21:31

Perhaps the young woman could have a scarlet A on her chest so everyone can be clear the bride is not promoting teen pregnancy?

Hmm. There must be a way good people like heebies and the bride can treat young women like pariahs and not look like total shits themselves.

acatcalledjohn · 01/08/2017 21:43

acat Is that what you do when you can't accept that people on a public forum have a different opinion?
Accuse them of 'sock-puppeting'/being a troll and try derailing the thread?

Some of the comments sound like they would come straight from the bride.

You denied the girl was an adult upthread. HmmConfused

She is denied the chance of being a bridesmaid over a likely still invisible pregnancy. She's effectively been told she's not good enough. As if pregnancy makes her somehow less worthy.

And then the OP has been demoted without being spoken to.

Yes, I'd call that ostracised.

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 21:45

pariah?

total over-reaction his.

user1493630944 · 01/08/2017 21:47

Maybe DSis is very disappointed that the niece she was close to is not now going to take up her good university place, and instead is going to be a teen mum without a partner. DSis is entitled to be disappointed.

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 21:48

You denied the girl was an adult upthread

The TEEN in eighTEEN says she's not an adult

acatcalledjohn · 01/08/2017 21:49

The law of this country states that any person from the age of 18 is considered an adult. They may still be in their teenage years, BUT THEY ARE ADULTS!

How hard can that be to understand?

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 21:49

thankyou user

Reading this thread is like i've landed on some strange planet.....

acatcalledjohn · 01/08/2017 21:51

Yes, planet earth must be a strange place for you.

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