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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with DSIS???

411 replies

K1092902 · 30/07/2017 00:55

DSIS is getting married end of August. I'm maid of honour and DSD2 is supposed to be one of three bridesmaids and DD a flower girl with DNiece.

DSIS is visiting from France tomorrow. They are staying for 3 weeks but we will only be seeing them tomorrow as we go to London on Monday and DM/DF and DSIS are going to Wales for a fortnight a long with future BIL and DNiece.

DSD2 is 18 and we have recently found out she is pregnant.

DM and has told DSIS over the phone sometime this week. I wasn't aware of this and was going to tell her in person when we see her tomorrow

She has now decided she doesn't want DSD being a bridesmaid as she doesn't want to be shown as condoning teenage pregnancy.

DM telephoned me upset 20 mins ago to say DSIS phoned earlier to tell her.

DM has now been put in a position and doesn't want us coming for dinner tomorrow as she knows we will argue.

I'm fuming. I'd be on the phone to her now but she will be driving to Calais to catch her ferry.

OP posts:
Trb17 · 31/07/2017 19:32

Holy fuck Couldnt - you think the DSD got pregnant because of the "the wanton disregard of someone else's feelings" ?!?

Wow. Just. Wow! Shock

LagunaBubbles · 31/07/2017 19:40

Maybe one day OP your sister will learn the important things in life are love and relationships with others, and not just a "perfect" day with a "perfect" photo on the wall.

Willow2017 · 31/07/2017 19:50

Dsd actually got pregnant out of 'wanton disregard' for her close friend and aunts feelings.

Ok ladies and gentlemen we have all just slipped into the twilight zone.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 31/07/2017 19:56

Couldnt, your judgy pants must be so far up your crack, it must be like cheese wire by now.

pointythings · 31/07/2017 19:57

Couldn't must be the Dsis. Has to be. I mean - who would actually believe that a relative would deliberately get pregnant in order to steal the limelight? Delusional does not begin to cover it...

MrsLupo · 31/07/2017 20:01

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kittybiscuits · 31/07/2017 20:06

I don't know what Mumsnet are playing at TBH

Storminateapot · 31/07/2017 20:06

This is one of the saddest threads I have read. DSiS seems to have lost sight of the fact that a wedding is a celebration of love and family not a perfect photo opportunity.

For your DSiS to have deliberately excluded those she loves the most over some misguided sense of superior judgement and to have photographic evidence of the fact she did that...forever unchangeable. She will regret this.

kittybiscuits · 31/07/2017 20:07

It's obvious what needs to be done. These knobbers are breaking mumsnet.

kittybiscuits · 31/07/2017 20:08

Ah...finally. Hopefully not just the posts were deleted.

Didiusfalco · 31/07/2017 20:09

I saw your other thread too. You sound awesome. Thank goodness the poor girl has you and your ddad. Hope your dh has given his head a wobble. Stand firm on this though, you are not the one in the wrong Flowers for you.

CoughLaughFart · 31/07/2017 20:15

*Actually DSD could show that she is really a grown-up here, try to respect other people's preferences about THEIR weddings and insist to the OP that she will be fine, that she is happy to give up the BD's role if that's what the bride wishes in light of the changed circumstances - and to insist that the OP should of course go to her own sister's wedding.

I know supportive step-parents and all, but OP should not feel that she has to miss her own sister's big day because of loyalty for her step-daughter.*

This suggests the OP is desperate to go to the wedding but feels like she can't, whereas actually she doesn't want to as she's very angry in her own right.

Also, while the stepdaughter may be an adult, the OP's younger daughter is very much a child - one who was probably very much looking forward to being a flower girl. Would you want to be the one saying to your child, 'Sorry darling, you can't be a flower girl anymore because your auntie thinks your big sister is a tramp'?

zzzzz · 31/07/2017 20:26

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

acatcalledjohn · 31/07/2017 20:59

She expected me to say I would be dropping out the wedding as well so apparently has already asked her future SIL to be maid of honour- which is my fault apparently .

I think your sister was trying to find an excuse to get rid of you from the wedding because her STBH wants his own family to take centre stage.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/07/2017 21:00

"I know supportive step-parents and all, but OP should not feel that she has to miss her own sister's big day because of loyalty for her step-daughter."

Well this puts you firmly in the camp of "step children aren't real family", doesn't it. What an obnoxious sentiment.

OP, in some ways your sister has made it easier for you because you no longer need to decide whether or not to step back from being in the wedding party - she's done it for you. How lovely of her. Angry

Whether or not you go to the wedding - well, as I said before, I think I'd go to the ceremony for form's sake (and to keep your mother "happy") but then not go to anything else afterwards. I'd have real trouble trying to be happy for someone who had treated me and my family so appallingly.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 31/07/2017 21:06

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CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 31/07/2017 21:08

She expected me to say I would be dropping out the wedding as well

But you WERE saying that, OP!

Your DSIS obviously knows you well enough to predict your response/actions.

IHateUncleJamie · 31/07/2017 21:09

OP you know your sister - could she be being manipulated by her DH-to-be? Is it likely that he is pulling the strings? I think the mystery of who is driving her behaviour will have a bearing on whether you ditch the wedding entirely or whether you try and reason with your sister.

My first instinct is to say don't go, in protest at your DSD being judged as if it's still the Victorian era. But only you know your sister and whether this is coming from her - or her DH...

zzzzz · 31/07/2017 21:33

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz · 31/07/2017 21:34

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Willow2017 · 31/07/2017 21:45

Well ladies, we learn something new every day.

Before any of you contemplate getting pregnant in future be sure to ask all your relatives and friends first if its ok or does it offend/hurt/discombobulate THEIR feelings. Heaven forbid you dont consider everyone else before doing something with your own life!

And I suppose if you accidently get pregnant you better do the same and ask them if its ok for you to keep going with the pregnancy or would they like you to have an abortion to protect their self centred, moralising sensibilities!

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 31/07/2017 21:51

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Willow2017 · 31/07/2017 21:55

Because the dsis has been very close to her, is her aunt and has dumped her a couple of weeks before the wedding?

Because the dsis is an unmarried mother too, pot and kettle?

Because you dont treat your friends and family like that.

Dsis has also taken her spite out on her best friend (op) and her young neice who has nothing to do with any of it.

kittybiscuits · 31/07/2017 21:56

I think CuntMakeThisShitUp has done enough derailing for one thread. Nothing more to say to it.

WhiskyIrnBru · 31/07/2017 21:58

Some horrid posters here.

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