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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed there's a random man in my garden painting the fence at 7am!

350 replies

GetOutOfMYGarden · 29/07/2017 07:41

I'm a 25 year old woman living alone with two dogs in a terraced house. All houses in the row have an individual garden both in the back and front. I rent, most other people in the row own their house.

Next door has recently decided to renovate their back garden, including installing an (ugly) garage in there, building higher fences and a built in kennel for their three dogs. Wasn't bothered about any of this. To be honest I don't particularly like them that much so I don't mind not seeing them Grin

I came home from an overnight shift today at 7am. Parked behind my back gate as usual and found a random man on a stepladder in my garden painting the fence with Cuprinol! My other neighbour had let my dogs out in the garden at 6:30am for me as she always does when I'm on nights (lovely 89 year old lady who's recently been widowed, I pop in with dinner about twice a week for her and generally check she's okay since she's too depressed to cook for herself atm, her family can't be around every day and so she insists on doing this to 'repay' me) so they were milling around in there happily sniffing at his ladder (lucky I don't rely on them being guard dogs, isn't it!). Oddly enough, they haven't attempted this with the neighbour on the other side of them who has a massive Boerboel in the garden. Neighbours knew I was out for a night shift since they made a bit of conversation when I was leaving last night in my uniform and my car wasn't there. I'm usually back at about 9am but my shifts has ended early

Confronted him and asked who he was, he said the neighbours doing the garden renovations had said I'd given him permission to come into my garden and paint that side of the party fence. Pointed out that I clearly haven't as the gate was double locked and the dogs were out! Tells me 'sorry I thought you'd forgot so I hopped the fence, oh well love let me finish and I'll get out, you'll have to speak to [male neighbour]'. I told him certainly not and to get the fuck out of my garden now before I called the police. Told him that misled by my neighbour or not, I'm telling him right then and there that he had no permission to be in there.

Once he was out of the garden and I'd locked my gate properly again, I went round to knock on the neighbours' front door and ask what the fuck they're playing at. No answer, although they were definitely in, I could hear CBeebies blasted through the wall to my living room for their DS and their cars were all in their usual parking spots. I went upstairs for a wee (bursting at this point Blush) and through the bathroom window I could hear the male neighbour, female neighbour and the painter in his garden bitching about me, calling me a rude bitch! I shouted down mid wee that no, I wasn't, and asked if it was okay for me to come in his bloody garden without permission! No answer to that one.

Neighbours won't answer the door to speak about it and I'm tired after a night shift and I don't feel I can go to sleep until this is sorted lest this cheeky man hop my fence again Sad To be honest if they'd asked and had it done on a day I was in, I'd have given them permission!

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 29/07/2017 08:38

It's not an overreaction, he had no right to be in the garden.

SoupDragon · 29/07/2017 08:39

I can understand that you didn't want him there and were angry that the neighbours hadn't asked permission but you were unnecessarily rude to him. The neighbours are the ones at fault for lying to him about permission.

IslandBambini · 29/07/2017 08:39

Wow @KimmySchmidt1 why do you have to bring rape into it? Like that is the only reason to get angry at a stranger in a garden? He could have been anyone and as OP stated, she wasn't rude off the bat, she politely asked him to leave first and he refused (her words).

Please don't reduce rape like that. I'm not being sensitive just politely putting my opinion out there like you have. Smile

VeryButchyRestingFace · 29/07/2017 08:39

It doesn't sound like he actually raped you so I'm not sure why got so angry

So a woman is only entitled to feel angry with a man if he's "actually raped" her?? Hmm

Your username is fast becoming synonymous with utterly barking posts, KimmySchmidt1.

PovertyPain · 29/07/2017 08:39

doesn't sound like he actually raped you so I'm not sure why got so angry

That's fucking disgusting thing to say. You should be ashamed of yourself.

BBTHREE76 · 29/07/2017 08:41

YANBU. They didn't ask your permission, and you come home from a night shift (which the neighbour knew you were doing) to a stranger in your garden who refuses to leave 😳.
Neighbour is making this 10 times worse by not answering the door to discuss it.

IslandBambini · 29/07/2017 08:41

@whyhastherumgone don't know if it's a x post as I thought I was the only one that noticed, glad someone else said something!

lelapaletute · 29/07/2017 08:41

You lot are all bonkers. Of COURSE YANBU OP. I'd have a fit of some strange man just climbed uninvited into my garden, even if he was coming to drop off some Milk Tray and a sexy negligee. It's trespassing, and it's a bloody cheek of your neighbours. And then to call you a ride bitch because they've been rumbled??? I mean what?

thebear1 · 29/07/2017 08:41

It honestly wouldn't bother me, but it does you which is all that matters so you had every right to ask him to leave.

Redsippycup · 29/07/2017 08:42

It doesn't sound like he actually raped you so I'm not sure why got so angry

What the fuck have I just read?!

So it's unreasonable for a woman to be angry about anything less than rape?!

londonrach · 29/07/2017 08:43

Abit surprised people think op should let a strange man in her garden. Mn is a strange world. Would you seriously allow this in your garden. Yanbu op. The tv thing...petty and childish. Hopefully ll sort it.

joojoobean99 · 29/07/2017 08:43

Wow, I think a lot of people are missing the point here. U are a woman living alone, your neighbours told a painter he can enter your garden without permission and when ur dogs had been let out, and then the painter wouldn't leave the first time you asked him to! And then your cheeky neighbours wont even answer the door to discuss the problem! YADNBU!! Who gives a fuck about a fence being painted for free? He was on your/landlords property without permission, end of story. I would've reacted in exactly the same way, OP.

londonrach · 29/07/2017 08:44

Just read the rape comment! Shocked. Mn is a vvvvvvvv strange world and tbh that comment...creepy.

desperatelyseekingcaffeine · 29/07/2017 08:44

Definitely not being unreasonable. It's hugely invasive. And for all the posters saying they'd love their fence painted that's irrelevant. I'd love my house cleaned. Doesn't mean I want to wake up at 7am to find a stranger hoovering around me saying "It's ok love the neighbour said you wouldn't mind"

HotelEuphoria · 29/07/2017 08:45

It would annoy me too, its the principle of assuming access to someone else's property etc. OP could have been sunbathing naked or hosting a swingers party in her living room. WTF just assumes it's ok to go into someone else's garden to do work without permission and over a locked gate whilst their dogs were out.

This isnt about getting a free paint job, its about a lack of respect and invasion of privacy.

lelapaletute · 29/07/2017 08:46

Although to be fair I speak as someone having a running war with the children on the block of flats opposite thinking they can just climb the fence from their garden onto mine whenever they damn well please, and then bang on the back door until someone lets them in so they can pass through the building to the street! Not only have the knackered the new chain link fence on my side by using it as a climbing frame, the larger metal fence between the blocks has sharp points on it and I fully expect to come to the kitchen window one day and see one of them disemboweled atop it. Which would be a shame. Really.

0hT00dles · 29/07/2017 08:50

I'm with you OP. And the fact that you're renting needs to be taken into account as you would be most likely liable at the end of your tenancy.

All the op's saying they'd love their fence painted for free? Did you read that she's renting. I was never allowed paint a fence when renting in case it wasn't the 'right' colour. You asked politely, he refused.

Scrowy · 29/07/2017 08:51

I suspect the people who aren't bothered about this kind of thing are also the kind of people that are happy for their MILs to do the laundry for them without asking.

Some people think, 'how nice someone is being helpful' other people find it a massive invasion of privacy and would hate it.

Your neighbours clearly asked a painter mate round on a sat morning when they thought you would be out to paint the fence they have put up without permission from your landlord and without asking you for access. Twats. I would be pissed off too even if I had got my fence painted ITS THE PRINCIPLE Grin

leafv · 29/07/2017 08:52

They were being completely unreasonable. If my dogs were out when someone climbed over the fence they definitely would have bitten them!

waitingforlifetostart · 29/07/2017 08:54

You sound quite aggresive. Maybe your neighbour didn't want to ask you as he's had bad reactions before.

MrsMozart · 29/07/2017 08:55

OP I too would be furious.

The loud tv and their refusal to answer the door just shows how self righteous they are.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/07/2017 08:56

I may have been rude, but I've been on a long night shift that they've known about because they asked about it as I left last night. Can't help but feel that painters aren't usually working at 7am, but this one just so happens to be on a day they think I'm out until 9am. I've never argued with them before this.

You don't have to justify yourself OP - this was totally out of order. Your personal safety has been compromised - how do you know who this person is? As you say, your dogs could have knocked his ladder (or he could have hurt one of them - deliberately or accidentally), or they could have brushed against the wet cuprinol, which would be hell to get off their coats, and may even be caustic for all I know.

He should have put down his paintbrush and left when you first asked him, or gone with you to speak to your neighbour.

I wonder what your neighbour would say if you were telling strangers to go into his garden to carry out odd tasks?

ArcheryAnnie · 29/07/2017 08:56

YANBU. Man comes into your garden without permission, you ask him to leave, he demurs, you inisist. You did the right thing.

The further news about your landlord being in dispute about the fence confirms this.

MrsMozart · 29/07/2017 08:56

As for the call to the landly - if one if my tenants was having an issue I'd want a call as soon as possible. Tenants have right to quiet enjoyment.

morningconstitutional2017 · 29/07/2017 08:57

What is the matter with people? A simple request (either orally or a note put through your door) from your neighbours beforehand would have been in order and then none of this need have happened.

Communication is vital but it seems to be forgotten about so often and causes needless problems.
Be grateful that it was Cuprinal - one of my previous neighbours used that old-fashioned smelly stuff which is toxic (damned if I can recall the name) - I had to wash the cat.