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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely furious that husband hasn't come home?

275 replies

Frogandbear · 28/07/2017 18:42

My husband has gone out today with people from work for lunch and been out socialising/drinking the rest of the afternoon. I had something I needed to do at 7pm, for which I needed him to be home. I text him at 6pm to ask why he hadn't left yet. He said he had forgotten that he needed to be home for 7pm but he would be back as soon as possible. So then it was 6:15pm and he still hadn;t left the bar. I text him again to ask why he hadn't left yet. Then it was 6:30pm and he STILL hadn't left. I phoned him and he eventually picked up. I asked him why he was still there, and he wasn't going to make it home in time considering that he had to walk to the station, get a 20 min train and drive home. He said that no one else had left yet and that he was finishing his drink - wtf??? Angry

He won't be home by 7pm now and I have had to cancel my activity Sad whilst he is out enjoying himself and I have been at home with the children all day. I am absolutely furious that he made no effort to get home in time and would do this to me. I told him that if he wasn't home by 7pm then he wouldn't be coming in. AIBU?

OP posts:
TodaysUser · 28/07/2017 21:56

Maybe me? But how are people honestly so angry and suggesting she works herself up or LTBHmm

ellestyle · 28/07/2017 22:05

I agree, it's not on locking him out. He's been an arse, get your own back tomorrow, but i wouldn't lock him out.

TenForward82 · 28/07/2017 22:05

That's not what you said User. You basically said "His time is more important than yours. Be a surrendered wife and a doormat."

SnarkOfTheThunderPants · 28/07/2017 22:06

Meh, just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean they're a troll.
I don't necessarily agree with Today's but hey. That's life.

ellestyle · 28/07/2017 22:08

Can't believe how many say ltb. Good grief no wonder so many marriages end in divorce. No one is perfect. Everyone cocks up sometimes.

Witsender · 28/07/2017 22:11

This is so disrespectful. Even if it was just some social engagement on her part, why does his trump hers?

He let her down, and has treated her with complete disrespect. I would be so incredibly angry.

RandomMess · 28/07/2017 22:18

That is awful of him, I would be so hurt Sad

BigApple11 · 28/07/2017 22:29

Is he home yet OP?

Imbeingunreasonable · 28/07/2017 22:34

Is this a 'chicken or egg' situation? Yes, he did promise - but if I spoke to someone at 6 and said I'd be there by 7, then got a text just 15 minutes later asking if I'd left, I'd be ordering another drink.

Eh? Wtf?? What point would that be proving? My boozing is more important than my wife's activity and if she keeps ringing me I'm going to get shit-faced even thought I'm supposed to be looking after my children tonight Hmm how mature!!!

I don't think context matters a jot. If you give your word to someone you will be home for a certain time or whatever, you stick to it. Especially if you've got nothing better to do yourself other than be a selfish arse.

As my old man would say 'you shouldn't make promises you have no intention of keeping'.

sunrisetosunset · 28/07/2017 22:35

He wouldn't have been able to take over childcare after drinking all afternoon anyway. OP. How selfish of him.

viques · 28/07/2017 22:38

Why does he drive his car to the station at all if it is only a 10minute walk.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 28/07/2017 22:38

My ex played sport every Friday evening, almost without fail, for years and years. Once or twice I went out for a works lunch and planned to be home by six, but overran. I'm not proud, but the texts 10 minutes after the other (before I'd even needed to have left) pissed me off. I may have turned off my phone.

I don't think I was entirely unreasonable, given that I must have forgone literally hundreds of Friday nights out for him.

It really is all about context.

inkzooka · 28/07/2017 22:40

Agree with Zaphod in that it's not LTB territory unless we're gonna get more context that he does this every week and OP never gets to go out at all or something.

SouthPole · 28/07/2017 22:43

see a solicitor in the morning|????

Lol.

Imbeingunreasonable · 28/07/2017 22:46

but the texts 10 minutes after the other (before I'd even needed to have left) pissed me off.

I can see what you're saying but given the fact that op's dh had to walk to the train station, take a 20min train ride and walk 10minutes back I'm guessing that's probably at minimum a 35 minute journey overall, and who knows what the maximum journey time would be?

We don't how long it would take dp to walk to the station from whichever bar he is at, and we can't know if he would have had to wait a while for the train. It all takes time and as op clearly stated in her post she had an activity planned for 7pm meaning it would probably take her some time to get there herself. So maybe by ringing him at 6pm was the deadline for him to be home in a reasonable amount of time to allow for the op's journey to whatever she is doing.

I don't think she's unreasonable for ringing him at 6:15, 6:30 or whatever because by that point she will be anxious that she will miss her activity. As would most people put in this situation.

ChasingHighs · 28/07/2017 22:46

He's a twat. Don't lock him out though.

Sorry.' Are you middle class' made me laugh. Grin

Also, stop fucking place marking.

Imbeingunreasonable · 28/07/2017 22:46

Bold fail!

ARumWithAView · 28/07/2017 22:47

I've definitely done this : promised DH I'd meet him at 8pm, got caught up with work gossip and drinking and our typical 6pm end being pushed back because a few people had more energy and wanted to stay out later. I've let him know and cancelled our plans ...and there are no kids in our situation.

How is this comparable? You let him know. You cancelled the original plan. That is what grown-up, considerate people do. OP's partner did neither; just messed the OP around until it was too late. Your DP was not left in sole charge of children, and was presumably free to make his own new plans when you cancelled. OP can't even leave the house until her partner gets home.

Would your DP be fine if you locked him in the house, took the keys, promised you'd be back at 7, then didn't bother? Because that's what it's like, when you're home alone with sleeping children. Yes, sometimes it's nice to just chill out. But it doesn't really matter what you want, if you're waiting for someone to come home and they don't. You're utterly stuck. I'm not surprised it crosses some people's minds to put the chain on the door and go to bed: it's the only thing that gives you a sense of control. Beyond that, your options are to be gracious or ungracious when an apology may or may not be offered.

HipsterHunter · 28/07/2017 22:50

@MellyPapa hilarious !

Imbeingunreasonable · 28/07/2017 22:54

Anyway I think OP is now justified in pulling the same stunt on him in future. Yup, it's petty but it probably would be satisfying and he can't say jack.

StarryCorpulentCunt · 28/07/2017 23:12

Can he stay? Is he serious? I'd be texting back "You might as well, you've nowhere else to fucking sleep tonight."

Then order a takeaway, preferably on his card, put kids to bed and have a nice evening pretending you can't hear him knocking.

ARumWithAView · 28/07/2017 23:13

Can't believe how many say ltb.

196 posts in this thread. By my count, 8 posts have a) suggested OP should LTB if this is a regular occurence, or b) described how that poster has ended a previous relationship due to a lack of reliability and respect, or c) advocated chucking his things on the lawn or instructing a solicitor (the latter poster adding that she is 'cantakerous').

Please point me towards that mythical page where scores of viperish men-hating MNers are demanding the OP leaves her partner immediately. I always read about those hysterical harpies, then get stuck in this kind of thread where 90% of the replies are quite reasonable (if irate), leaving a tiny minority of more extreme posts to be seized on as proof that women are intent of goading everyone to divorce their poor husbands for the tiniest transgression.

mermaid101 · 28/07/2017 23:17

Can someone explain the significance of being middle class or not?

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 23:25

Perhaps if she were working class like me, she'd be standing at the door with a rolling pin. I see no evidence of that so farGrin

ChasingHighs · 28/07/2017 23:29

lol at rolling pin.

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