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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely furious that husband hasn't come home?

275 replies

Frogandbear · 28/07/2017 18:42

My husband has gone out today with people from work for lunch and been out socialising/drinking the rest of the afternoon. I had something I needed to do at 7pm, for which I needed him to be home. I text him at 6pm to ask why he hadn't left yet. He said he had forgotten that he needed to be home for 7pm but he would be back as soon as possible. So then it was 6:15pm and he still hadn;t left the bar. I text him again to ask why he hadn't left yet. Then it was 6:30pm and he STILL hadn't left. I phoned him and he eventually picked up. I asked him why he was still there, and he wasn't going to make it home in time considering that he had to walk to the station, get a 20 min train and drive home. He said that no one else had left yet and that he was finishing his drink - wtf??? Angry

He won't be home by 7pm now and I have had to cancel my activity Sad whilst he is out enjoying himself and I have been at home with the children all day. I am absolutely furious that he made no effort to get home in time and would do this to me. I told him that if he wasn't home by 7pm then he wouldn't be coming in. AIBU?

OP posts:
supersop60 · 29/07/2017 20:57

Op YANBU.
You had an arrangement, he broke it.
Why is his activity more important than yours?

supersop60 · 29/07/2017 20:57

Op YANBU.
You had an arrangement, he broke it.
Why is his activity more important than yours?

Murpher · 29/07/2017 22:28

OP is the reason you haven't updated that you're having an awful time today? I know only too well what men like this do - I had it for 20 years. They will make YOU feel bad for being unreasonable about THEIR need to socialise. It matters not a jot what your plans involved, the fact was, you HAD PLANS. Let me tell you honey, he's not going to change. I tried every trick in the book but he always managed to wriggle free.

I am of course now divorced and never looked back. People used to wonder why I divorced him as he wasn't beating me up etc. Well not physically, but 2 rounds of anti-depressants later I decided I'd had enough. Street angel, house devil I think they're labelled. Bet he wouldn't do that to work colleagues/friends.

Think very carefully about how you proceed if this is an on-going problem.

clarabellb · 29/07/2017 22:29

I agree with pp, more context is needed here!

PugOnToast · 29/07/2017 22:32

He is a twat. Sorry

PenguinBollard · 29/07/2017 22:37

So it's totally okay for someone to steal fruit from a super market on Mumsnet today but if someone forgets he needed to be home by 7 and is late, they should be kicked out of their own home and divorced? Righto.

QueenMortificado · 29/07/2017 22:38

How did it go OP?

Murpher · 29/07/2017 22:38

Yes, he's undoubtedly a twat, living a single man's life within the comfort of a family unit. Perfect. But the question is - is this routine behaviour or a one-off. If the latter, then perhaps some extreme management of his expectations will bring things into line. If it's on-going, well, that's really up to the OP, but I wouldn't stick around.

Freshlysqueezed · 30/07/2017 00:15

Do you work OP? Just thinking I work full time as does DH and sometimes it's important to stay out once in a while for the sake of your job. Easy to get carried away as well!

timeisnotaline · 30/07/2017 00:44

freshly what??! I work. Yes sometimes it's important to stay out. Obviously I negotiate those times with my husband - sometimes I can go and sometimes I can't. I don't promise to be home so my husband can make a prearranged thing then decide stuff him and his life, I'm having fun. Your post is entirely irrelevant.

bubblesquirrel · 30/07/2017 08:03

Do you work OP? Just thinking I work full time as does DH and sometimes it's important to stay out once in a while for the sake of your job. Easy to get carried away as well!

Easy to get carried away when you're selfish and don't care that you're ruining your partner's evening.

ScarlettDarling · 30/07/2017 08:12

Hope you're ok op?

hellejuice91 · 30/07/2017 08:27

My goodness everyone is being so hard on him. It is difficult without context. If it was for a once yearly meet up with friends that had been waxed lyrical about fair play, he is an idiot he should have remembered. Or even if he does this all the time. If he very rarely goes out or if the activity (judging by the fact it's a specific time, tells me it's an exercise class or something along those lines) is a pretty standard affair then just have a relaxed night in instead. You know that if whatever was happening tonight was so important you should have arranged a baby sitter instead. He has just as much right to let loose as you do

Serialweightwatcher · 30/07/2017 09:04

So what happened?

JacquesHammer · 30/07/2017 09:06

You know that if whatever was happening tonight was so important you should have arranged a baby sitter instead. He has just as much right to let loose as you do

That doesn't matter. He agreed he would be back.

Had he said "actually I'd like to stay out longer, I'll arrange a sitter" there would be no issue.

What he did was lead OP to believe he would be back, then renege on that.

It is the action of a manipulative twat

JacquesHammer · 30/07/2017 09:06

Oh and teacake is a Hyacinth Bucket type who is class obsessed

JammyGem · 30/07/2017 09:18

OP I hope you're ok. What time did he get in?

His behaviour is completely unreasonable. It doesn't matter how often either of you go out, and it doesn't matter if he didn't actually want to be home for 7. You had an agreement, and he should honour that. If he didn't like it he should've spoke to you like an adult rather than messing you around and making you miss your activity.

Kisathecat · 30/07/2017 09:19

Let it go, as long as it doesn't happen all the time....it's good for him to occasionally go for a drink to relax with colleagues. You can't lock him out that is so excessive.

Rachie1986 · 30/07/2017 13:10

OP isn't coming back is she?

Writermom22 · 30/07/2017 16:11

Op sounds a little too controlling but in all fairness, I'm also one for doing things 'on time'.
But, if hubs has something planned, then I make sure I don't have plans for the same time (individual plans) so if something cropped up for hubs, I'd prefer to move or one-off cancel my activity, knowing that hubs would do the same for me if the need arose. Some battles are not worth raising.

Whynotme99 · 30/07/2017 17:47

What happened in the end OP?

LongingforNeptune · 30/07/2017 19:48

Op? Are you ok?

gandalf456 · 30/07/2017 20:01

Hopefully, she's clobbered him with the rolling pin

cailyaclara · 30/07/2017 22:13

Hope you're ok, OP. I have a DH who pulls similar stunts. It's not fun or fair

Foxylass · 30/07/2017 22:35

Hope you are OK OP.

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