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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely furious that husband hasn't come home?

275 replies

Frogandbear · 28/07/2017 18:42

My husband has gone out today with people from work for lunch and been out socialising/drinking the rest of the afternoon. I had something I needed to do at 7pm, for which I needed him to be home. I text him at 6pm to ask why he hadn't left yet. He said he had forgotten that he needed to be home for 7pm but he would be back as soon as possible. So then it was 6:15pm and he still hadn;t left the bar. I text him again to ask why he hadn't left yet. Then it was 6:30pm and he STILL hadn't left. I phoned him and he eventually picked up. I asked him why he was still there, and he wasn't going to make it home in time considering that he had to walk to the station, get a 20 min train and drive home. He said that no one else had left yet and that he was finishing his drink - wtf??? Angry

He won't be home by 7pm now and I have had to cancel my activity Sad whilst he is out enjoying himself and I have been at home with the children all day. I am absolutely furious that he made no effort to get home in time and would do this to me. I told him that if he wasn't home by 7pm then he wouldn't be coming in. AIBU?

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 28/07/2017 20:14

"Just to clarify, we live within 10 mins walk of the station"

If you live so close to the station why does he even take the car? Hmm

ClopySow · 28/07/2017 20:16

are you middle class

What?

MrsHarveySpecterV · 28/07/2017 20:16

OP why aren't you answering any questions about the context??

If he hardly goes out and your event is a regular thing then I think YABU and you should have said when he mentioned it to stay out, enjoy himself and you would rearrange your event.
If it's a regular thing for him to stay out late and get pissed after work and he let you down for a one off planned event that you were going to then he IBU.

ClopySow · 28/07/2017 20:17

If you live so close to the station why does he even take the car

What?

ClopySow · 28/07/2017 20:19

The context doesn't matter in this situation

MeanAger · 28/07/2017 20:20

you should have said when he mentioned it to stay out, enjoy himself and you would rearrange your event.

Or he could have arranged a babysitter. Why should OP have to rearrange her social plans because he suddenly decided to make some?

AdalindSchade · 28/07/2017 20:21

Because the OP herself said that he had to walk to the station, catch a train that takes 20 minutes and then walk home at the other end. Why call after just 15 minutes unless to make a point?

Probably because the husband has form for being a drunk twat and not doing what he was supposed to. I would have had to call my xh several times in that situation and he still would have left late.

Mumsnut · 28/07/2017 20:22

I'd treat yourself to a weekend away (even if only visiting your mum) starting the moment he walks in the door.

Venusflytwat · 28/07/2017 20:22

I'd be raging.

Is he home?

PearlyPinkNails · 28/07/2017 20:28

Don't text him back, the selfish cunt.

Jaxhog · 28/07/2017 20:28

If he promised to be back in time for you to go out to something you'd arranged then, yes, he's totally BU.

I'd phone too. If only to remind him that he's messing up MY plans.

Rhubarbtart9 · 28/07/2017 20:31

It doesn't matter who goes out more. What matters is that an arrangement had been made and OP/DH both knew he needed to be back for 7. DH initially forgot and then with prompting decided to stand OP up and mess up the established arrangements. It's very likely he knew about this work social beforehand and should have arranged a babysitter

BloodWorries · 28/07/2017 20:32

I agree at this point it doesn't matter if this is the first time since DH has gone out in 10 years and the OP goes out every night and all weekend. The time to discuss OP staying in so he can have a night out was before he went, not once he was there.

But I have noticed the OP (so far as I can see) hasn't mentioned the 'activity' or how frequently her DH goes out, so I do wonder what the balance is, but I wouldn't presume that it is an unbalanced. But maybe something to take into account in the future.

If when he was planning his night out he had asked you to miss your activity would you of been okay with it? Just wondering if there is a reason he feels that he couldn't discuss it, or take the opinion to better ask forgiveness than permission. I hate that and my DP does it frequently, to me it's the same as lying. Saying he will be home in time for tea, or at a set time and then not. Not on.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 28/07/2017 20:33

Placemarking for the eventual update from op - hope you've had a Wine by now

Elland · 28/07/2017 20:33

YADNBU! I would be fucking furious.

It's bad enough forgetting that he needed to be back for 7 but then choosing to just not come back when you reminded him in enough time is so rude and disrespectful.

Who does he think he is to act like his life is so much more important than yours.

Lock the door and do not let him in!

Alittlepotofrosie · 28/07/2017 20:37

Is he home op?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/07/2017 20:38

Sorry he's ruined your evening.

And "middle class"? WTF?

needsomesunshineandwine · 28/07/2017 20:40

I don't see the problem with this if it is a one off, unless it was something really important your missing.

I and my husband has went out in the past and ended up being later than anticipated.

I'd enjoy the peace, tv to myself and wine. Bliss!!

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 28/07/2017 20:41

Jesus Christ, all the posters nagging OP. She has young children. It's more likely she is putting them to bed etc than deliberately dodging questions on here.

He's a dick. He never intended to leave on time.

Applebloom · 28/07/2017 20:43

As suggested by a pp I'd text ' I've to be somewhere tonight I'll drop kids into you if you aren't on train by now!'

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/07/2017 20:43

I'd enjoy the peace, tv to myself and wine. Bliss!! Which would be great, had she not organised something at 7pm.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 28/07/2017 20:47

I feel for you OP. And the text asking 'permission' to stay out would have made me feel even more furious. YANBU. It's incredibly selfish when he'd promised to be home on time so that you could go to your activity.

PeanutButterIsEverything · 28/07/2017 20:52

Is he home yet OP? Guessing not somehow... hope you aren't festering too much about it. Rise above it tonight, if he's pissed you won't be able to reason with him, just talk to him in the morning and explain why you are so annoyed.

Arcadia · 28/07/2017 21:05

Sorry but I am the husband. Not literally obvs, but the type to get carried away in social situations and get in way later than expected. However I - probably - wouldn't let my OH down if he was expecting to go out.
If he doesn't do it often and the activity wasn't something too crucial I would let it go but I would be booking a spa weekend or a mini break for a few weeks time with a friend and leave him to it!

Mulledwine1 · 28/07/2017 21:07

I think you were both being slightly unreasonable if you thought it would be possible to leave a boozy work lunch on a Friday at 6 on the dot

Why. it's what any mother has to do who has to pick up her children from nursery/school/childcare at a certain time on the dot. When you have to leave, you have to leave. And not drink alcohol, obviously. - he was able to drink in moderation he just needed to leave on time

Not sure why the rules are different for dads. He knew when he had to leave, and he knew when he had to be home. He chose to be selfish.

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