Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely furious that husband hasn't come home?

275 replies

Frogandbear · 28/07/2017 18:42

My husband has gone out today with people from work for lunch and been out socialising/drinking the rest of the afternoon. I had something I needed to do at 7pm, for which I needed him to be home. I text him at 6pm to ask why he hadn't left yet. He said he had forgotten that he needed to be home for 7pm but he would be back as soon as possible. So then it was 6:15pm and he still hadn;t left the bar. I text him again to ask why he hadn't left yet. Then it was 6:30pm and he STILL hadn't left. I phoned him and he eventually picked up. I asked him why he was still there, and he wasn't going to make it home in time considering that he had to walk to the station, get a 20 min train and drive home. He said that no one else had left yet and that he was finishing his drink - wtf??? Angry

He won't be home by 7pm now and I have had to cancel my activity Sad whilst he is out enjoying himself and I have been at home with the children all day. I am absolutely furious that he made no effort to get home in time and would do this to me. I told him that if he wasn't home by 7pm then he wouldn't be coming in. AIBU?

OP posts:
EggysMom · 28/07/2017 18:55

"Can I stay?"

"You might as fucking well, I've missed (my activity) now so my night's buggered. Hope you like sleeping on the couch."

FanwankTheAbsurd · 28/07/2017 18:56

I'd be sending 'You are well aware that I needed to go out at 7.00 and that you had agreed to be home before then. If you cannot keep your word then please feel free to fuck right off. I intend to lock the door and will be instructing a solicitor first thing Monday morning, I sincerely hope the extra drinks tonight are worth what you have now lost.'

But then I'm cantankerous.

icelollycraving · 28/07/2017 18:56

Don't text back. He's pissed and he won't be back at 8 will he?
V shitty.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 28/07/2017 18:58

I'd tell him not to bother coming back, the selfish prick!

GwenStaceyRocks · 28/07/2017 18:58

Yy he's an arse for not answering the phone and not keeping to the arrangement.
I wouldn't lock him out for it. I would look at the wider pattern of whose nights out take precedence etc.

Brazenhussy0 · 28/07/2017 18:59

YANBU. He knew you had something to do at 7.00pm but chose to sling that right out the window for his own selfishness.

And why is he speaking to you like you’re his mother? 'Can I stay? Please. Be 8pm home max.'

Writerwannabe83 · 28/07/2017 18:59

What an arsehole.

He's knows you've missed your activity so what does it matter whether he stays out until 8pm or midnight? What a stupid thing for him to text you.

Just ignore him OP.

ellestyle · 28/07/2017 18:59

My dh used to do this kind of thing. Once he'd got the taste of the drink.... Angry

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 28/07/2017 19:00

I'd want to send what EggysMom suggested - whether he comes home at 8 or 3am makes no odds now really, he had no intention of making it home for 8. My DH hasn't quite been as bad as making me miss out on something but has done the White lies about what time he'll be home and it makes me furious! Just be honest!

Groupie123 · 28/07/2017 19:00

Suggest you stop doing things for him. Stop doing his cooking, cleaning, and ironing. If he can be unreliable about your needs you absolutely have to return the favour.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 28/07/2017 19:00

Making it home for 7*

Flimp · 28/07/2017 19:02

what a selfish twat

Foxysoxy01 · 28/07/2017 19:02

What a shitty thing to do! I would be fuming 😤

Best thing you can do now OP is to just leave it, get yourself some ice cream/chocolate/junk food of choice and try to enjoy your evening.

Thee is no point trying to reason with him when he is pissed and he obviously won't be back at 8:00 so I wouldn't even bother expecting him.

Give him hell tomorrow!

MyProperTea · 28/07/2017 19:03

Has he done this to you before? Either way I would kick his ass but if he has, it is worse.

MyProperTea · 28/07/2017 19:03

Has he done this to you before? Either way I would kick his ass but if he has, it is worse.

JackTwist · 28/07/2017 19:03

Yes I agree with other pp don't answer his childish question. I bet he's pulling a face to his colleagues about being "under the thumb"

LindyHemming · 28/07/2017 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SleepFreeZone · 28/07/2017 19:03

My DP rarely goes out so I wouldn't have tried to make him come home earlier than he wanted to. If he went out regularly though I'd be pissed off.

ChasedByBees · 28/07/2017 19:03

He's an arsehole OP. What are you going to do about it though?

ellestyle · 28/07/2017 19:05

My dh used to do this and in those days of no mobiles i could never get hold of him. So bloody frustrating. But then he was a selfish sod who thought his need of a drink came before me.

AllToadsLeadToHome · 28/07/2017 19:05

Reply with 'Yes you can stay, don't bother coming home'

BeautyQueenFromMars · 28/07/2017 19:05

I'd make him get up early in the morning to look after the kids whilst I went out shopping or for breakfast/coffee.

SJaNH · 28/07/2017 19:05

Does he go out a lot? If not I'd say maybe let this one go. It sucks and he certainly needs to make it up to you but if it's a one off because he really is enjoying himself then maybe leave him to it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/07/2017 19:06

I'd be sending a text back. "You have reneged on an agreement resulting in me having go cancel my activity. Now to add insult to injury, you expect me to advocate your behaviour."

LaurieFairyCake · 28/07/2017 19:06

Don't text back. Just don't.

Don't dignify his wheedling bullshit with a response. You are not his mother. He is not to be relied upon.

Do not talk to him when he comes home. Do not engage with drunk people who are being twats, they just use it as an excuse to say something horrible that they can then say they didn't mean when they're sober.

Instead wait til tomorrow and say you want to talk about it. Ask calmly why your activity is less important that his, ask him why he can't be relied on, as him how he's going to make sure you get equal access to time off that he does.

No satisfactory response? He's not in this with you and you deserve better.

I got rid of one husband because of shit like this - just basically no respect. Nearly 20 years later the second ones fantastic Smile