Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely furious that husband hasn't come home?

275 replies

Frogandbear · 28/07/2017 18:42

My husband has gone out today with people from work for lunch and been out socialising/drinking the rest of the afternoon. I had something I needed to do at 7pm, for which I needed him to be home. I text him at 6pm to ask why he hadn't left yet. He said he had forgotten that he needed to be home for 7pm but he would be back as soon as possible. So then it was 6:15pm and he still hadn;t left the bar. I text him again to ask why he hadn't left yet. Then it was 6:30pm and he STILL hadn't left. I phoned him and he eventually picked up. I asked him why he was still there, and he wasn't going to make it home in time considering that he had to walk to the station, get a 20 min train and drive home. He said that no one else had left yet and that he was finishing his drink - wtf??? Angry

He won't be home by 7pm now and I have had to cancel my activity Sad whilst he is out enjoying himself and I have been at home with the children all day. I am absolutely furious that he made no effort to get home in time and would do this to me. I told him that if he wasn't home by 7pm then he wouldn't be coming in. AIBU?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 28/07/2017 19:44

What LaurieFairyCake said. Exactly.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 28/07/2017 19:45

Also if he's been drinking is he even fit to look after the children?

LostAllTheWords · 28/07/2017 19:47

Any sign of him yet OP? I've been in your situation, I do gig racing and we simply can't go out unless everyone is there. I went absolutely ballistic at dh when he did this and he hasn't done it again. If he did I would seriously consider leaving him. It just shows absolute contempt for your need to have any kind of life outside of being a wife and mother.

Mustang27 · 28/07/2017 19:47

What a twat he is. I just don't get why they aren't honest with you from the start.

IdentifiesAsYoda · 28/07/2017 19:48

LostAll

Gig racing? Forgive my hijack, but is that horses and carriages?

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 19:49

We don't need context. He's been there since lunch. That is long enough. Jow it's op's turn

Rachie1986 · 28/07/2017 19:49

Also interested in more context but if he did agree previously to be back by 7 it's unreasonable that he's not

Pollydonia · 28/07/2017 19:51

I actually threw mine out over shit like this. It's soul destroying having to change your plans because of the selfishness of someone who is supposedly your partner in life.

00100001 · 28/07/2017 19:51

OP?

WarwickAlice · 28/07/2017 19:54

This reminds me of something my do did before we were married. I was so mad I ended up screaming at him in the street. Sorry to hear this has happened, YA totally NBU.

duxb · 28/07/2017 19:55

Of course you aren't BU.

But please don't text him back. He will clearly behave however he sees fit and cannot imagine he will be home anytime close to 8pm.

AreWeThereYet000 · 28/07/2017 19:58

I think a lot of people are been a little harsh without knowing what the activity was, can everyone honestly say they've never got side tracked of the time when they are out enjoying themselves?

I know both me and my DP have both said I'll be back by xx so we will do this or that and then gone out and missed it.

As PP have said if it's something like an educational class or a shift at work, friends birthday meal etc then yes I would be mad at with him, if it's to do something like a gym class that is every week/multiple times a week I'd let it slide.

Go to bed when you want don't stay up waiting for him and let him provide the childcare for the week, kicking him out will just cause more problems

spaday · 28/07/2017 19:59

This week my dh went out with next door neighbour - running. They came back to ours for a beer afterwards.

I went next door to catch up with Mrs ndn. She was cooking his tea (looking after their children). Anyway she was plating up, I went home and said to ndn That his wife was dishing up now, and that he should go.

Did he jump up and go? Did he fuck. I was stressing the fact that dinner was on the table but he was at least another 15 minutes. Even my husband was encouraging him to go at this point.

After he left I said toy husband if he pulled that trick on me his dinner would be in the bin. I'd be absolutely furious. He agreed btw.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 28/07/2017 20:02

Irrespective of what the OP was doing tonight, he agreed to be home. The point at which this was negotiable was the point at which he was asked/advised he needed to be home tonight, before 7. At that point you decide who misses out or which babysitter is called. Even if the OP was just going out for a walk, it doesn't matter, he agreed to be home. Obviously it's harmless to call to see if your DH/DW minds if you change plans, but if they do, then tough shit, you get your arse home and in a state where you are able to look after the kids.

How pissed off I'd be would depend on his general attitude, how often he pulls this shit and how important the event was. It could range from 'Meh' to 'Don't bother coming back at all. I'm done, my lawyer will be in touch' depending on how the relationship is. But a 'Can I please stay out, I'll be home by 8 promise' text, would be like red rag to a bull to me and the torrent coming from me would not have been pretty. I'm not your fucking mother might have been mentioned, more than once!

Jessiecat27 · 28/07/2017 20:02

My oh does the same thing, except he doesn't ask if he can stay later, he says 'I'll leave soon' or 'I'm leaving in a minute' three hours later...yanbu! Don't text him back, show him you're pissed off when he does get home and talk to him tomorrow about how it made you feel!

VladmirsPoutine · 28/07/2017 20:02

Yanbu. Is this a typical pattern of behaviour?

JaneEyre70 · 28/07/2017 20:03

I'd send a text back to say stay out as long as you like, as i've changed the locks and your belongings on the front lawn. They actually would be too Grin I don't do being messed around. Let alone by a DH that knew I had plans. Can any family come to your rescue OP??

Slimthistime · 28/07/2017 20:03

Even if it's "just" a weekly yoga class, it's important to OP.

I haven't lost track of time and let anyone down, no.

Sprinklestar · 28/07/2017 20:03

Well, Monday morning when he's expecting to go to work and you're there to look after the kids, don't be. Get up early and go out. See how he likes it when you can't be relied upon...

SnarkOfTheThunderPants · 28/07/2017 20:04

I am really relaxed about nights out, I would be livid if DP did this though.
I wouldn't ltb but I wouldn't be happy either.

ClopySow · 28/07/2017 20:04

I'd be raging. Selfish arse.

TeaCake5 · 28/07/2017 20:05

Are you middle class?

MeanAger · 28/07/2017 20:07

Are you middle class?

Confused
VladmirsPoutine · 28/07/2017 20:07

TeaCake5 What does that have to do with anything?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/07/2017 20:09

It's now past 8, I wonder whether he's home. If it was "just a yoga class" he should have asked her in advance if she'd miss it. He doesn't sound remotely sorry. It's so disrespectful.