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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely furious that husband hasn't come home?

275 replies

Frogandbear · 28/07/2017 18:42

My husband has gone out today with people from work for lunch and been out socialising/drinking the rest of the afternoon. I had something I needed to do at 7pm, for which I needed him to be home. I text him at 6pm to ask why he hadn't left yet. He said he had forgotten that he needed to be home for 7pm but he would be back as soon as possible. So then it was 6:15pm and he still hadn;t left the bar. I text him again to ask why he hadn't left yet. Then it was 6:30pm and he STILL hadn't left. I phoned him and he eventually picked up. I asked him why he was still there, and he wasn't going to make it home in time considering that he had to walk to the station, get a 20 min train and drive home. He said that no one else had left yet and that he was finishing his drink - wtf??? Angry

He won't be home by 7pm now and I have had to cancel my activity Sad whilst he is out enjoying himself and I have been at home with the children all day. I am absolutely furious that he made no effort to get home in time and would do this to me. I told him that if he wasn't home by 7pm then he wouldn't be coming in. AIBU?

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 28/07/2017 19:06

He has no respect for you, you are just the default parent. I'd be raging.

SJaNH · 28/07/2017 19:07

I think people are being a little harsh here personally.....unless he pulls this shit all the time

BorisTrumpsHair · 28/07/2017 19:09

So he lets you down and the grovels for "permission" to stay longer, making his night out your responsibility. You can't win.

XP used to do this to me. Let me down every fucking time until eventually I gave up thinking he might in any way do what he said he would and I LTB.

MadamePomfrey · 28/07/2017 19:11

I would like to say I'm classy and mature and would hold dignified silence. What I'd actually do is text back say 'you've already screwed up my plans so fuck off and do what you want but find somewhere else to sleep tonight and someone else to sort your hungover arse out tomorrow.' Then double look the door with the key in/put the chain across or whatever you need to do to stop him comming in turn doorbell off and leave him to it. But I'm a petty bitch! The right thing to do is ignore and talk to him sober in the morning!

Notknownatthisaddress · 28/07/2017 19:12

Why the fuck do men do shit like this? Angry

As I have said before, there is no WAY that any man would put up with this from his wife. Having her fuck off for hours on end (or days!) whilst he looks after house and home (and the children!!!)

TiredBefuddledRose · 28/07/2017 19:12

.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 28/07/2017 19:13

Does he have form?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/07/2017 19:13

Quite SJ

iamdivergent · 28/07/2017 19:14

I'd be fuming

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 28/07/2017 19:14

I'd be on strike and refusing to speak to him until a huge, abject and grovelling apology was delivered. He is likely to be hung over tomorrow so I would supply the kids with noisy toys, and sweets, and then go out.

Failbydefault · 28/07/2017 19:15

Is no one including the OP going to address the context question? Does this happen often? Is it a one off? Do you expect to go out every Friday at 7, and he's stopped you doing this once? Or is your activity a one off, and he's out regularly. I think this makes a difference to how I think you should respond.

MsHarry · 28/07/2017 19:16

YANBU

mogulfield · 28/07/2017 19:16

This would annoy me, he could have just been honest and said he probably wouldn't be home in time for your thing before you booked it/planned it, expectations are at least managed then.

Crunchymum · 28/07/2017 19:17

It's a bit manipulative?

He has broken an arrangement with you, made you miss your activity, knows you are pissed off, asks your "permission" to stay out probably expecting a "do what you like / you've ruined my plans so you may as well stay out all night" response. So therefore you give him the green light to sray on the piss all night.

Reply and tell him to be home by 8pm

MrsChopper · 28/07/2017 19:17

I'd tell him not to bother because I'd be far too pissed off to be engaging with him in a drunken state!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 28/07/2017 19:19

Knob, I wouldn't be able to answer if I was you because of the risk of what I may say that can't be taken back... Angry

Palegreenstars · 28/07/2017 19:21

He should have been realistic if he knew he was going to be drinking in the afternoon and planned ahead.

What was your activity? Is it every Friday?

Does he do this often?

Whisky2014 · 28/07/2017 19:21

This is just going to get worse because we all know he won't be back at 8pm. OP I wouldn't bother replying. Whatever you say will result in him staying out. He won't be able to look after the kids tomorrow. Sunday is going to be your payback day. Or next weekend!

troodiedoo · 28/07/2017 19:21

Did you actually have an agreement in place for him to come home at seven though? Or did you just tell him he needed to be back by then and he made non committal noises?

DonaldStott · 28/07/2017 19:22

What a shitty thing to do. I would be fuming.

He knew he needed to be home for 7 so you could go to your pre-arranged thing.

He's a twat.

MrsF1 · 28/07/2017 19:23

I think by this point I'd just be ignoring him and his texts. He's clearly going to do whatever he wants anyway. How selfish, especially since he knew you needed to be somewhere at 7pm. I'd be giving him the silent treatment well into tomorrow and see if he is suitably apologetic and offers some alternative for being such an utter inconsiderate twonk tonight.

StealthPolarBear · 28/07/2017 19:24

Have you heard any more from him?

DonaldStott · 28/07/2017 19:24

did you just tell him he needed to be back by then and he made non committal noises

How did you deduce that from the OP Confused

Did you miss the part where she text him at 6pm to see if he'd left?

Ilovetolurk · 28/07/2017 19:25

YANBU OP

Even if he forgot he could have set off when you texted him and been home in time

Slimthistime · 28/07/2017 19:28

I'd be fuming

it's basic adulting for someone to be able to honour "I'll be home by 7 so you can go out".

I'm guessing as you had to go out, other people have been let down too. Has he done this before?

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