DD has changed her name, AIBU to feel rejected

[fabyoulouse]

DD has never liked her name so it shouldn't come as a surprise really. She used to get really upset whenever someone pronounced it incorrectly, which happens a lot, and people don't always pay any attention when she corrects them.

She also claims it makes her "stand out" and she just wants to "blend in". So she is off to sixth form college in September and thinks now is a good time. She has her father's support so they have filled in a form online and she's paid for it herself.

I can't help but feel rejected. Perhaps because I chose her name and so she's always aimed any anger about it towards me.

I knew a girl at uni called Jane. It later turned out that her birth name was Golinda, but she loathed it, so picked a 'normal' name instead.

I've always told my kids they're free to change their names if they want. I don't understand why some parents get so emotionally invested in choosing their children's names. We just gave our kids the first names we thought of that we both liked, and that we felt would be fairly easy to pronounce and spell and not give rise to bullying.
None of them have so far, but if they do choose to it is entirely their decision and nothing to do with me. The only problem I would have would be remembering to use their new name but that would be down to my crap memory, not intentional at all.
So you are being a little bit U, OP. Just try and remember she is a young adult, she doesn't have to like the same names that you do. If she has kids of her own she might pick names for them that you hate and you will just have to accept it.

My dd has a friend at school called Angharad - she's known as Gandalf 😂 she's very quirky and confident and likes her name AND her nickname at school!

My own dd has a Korean name - Hana - which is more liie Hahh-na but if people say Hannah or spell it Hannah or Hanna she really doesn't mind. Its cultural and not-usual without being too different and she likes it. I suppose if she hated it and wanted to change it to Alice though I'd totally get it. It's never been an issue as people just think she is called Hannah.

My mother hates the fact that I'm known by a variant of my real name where I live. But I live in Wales, speak Welsh with most people here and so use the Welsh version. It fits much nicer when I'm speaking the language.

My real name is very relious, which grates slightly as I'm not (another bone of contention between the two of us). My DP uses another, less obviously religious version of my name due to my background.

So, I have three names in everyday use and I couldn't care less. My mother hates it but, as far as I'm concerned, I'm the one who has to respond to it so it's my choice. TBH I would prefer a less religious name but never mind.

I completely understand why you're sad. It's special, choosing a child's name - look at the number of threads on here, and the intensity of the arguments. To have that name, chosen with love and care, viewed with hatred by its bearer must sting.

It's really sad, but if she does truly hate it, and always has done, then I can appreciate why she'd want to change it, too. Doesn't make the whole thing any less hard for you, though.

I knew a Lucy who changed her name to Vanessa in school. Always puzzled me because the name she left is IMO so much nicer than the one she chose, but I suppose it felt more glamorous to her.

The name belongs to her, she can change it if she likes. As above it's the name she hates, not you, even if she seems angry! It wouldn't bother me at all. My son changed his name for a while and he has the most normal name in the world other than John.

I've been known as my nickname since I was about 12. Am 40 now. Got fed up of having to correct people over pronunciation/spelling/nationality. My parents named me after a character in a book they liked. I knew from about four years old I hated it. Don't be too offended; she's not doing it to upset you. Didn't occur to me I was hurting my parents feelings when I changed my name. It was totally for my own benefit!

GOLINDA sounds like something from Wicked!

OP YABU. Your DD is entitled to change her name.

Makes me cringe when people give their kids really awkward to pronounce names and made-up names, and names after 'celebrities.'

I know a Kylie, a Kayleigh, a Mariah, and a Celine, and they all hate their names. Because they are obviously named after pop stars and pop songs.

Also makes me cringe when people give their kids 'normal' names but with ridiculous spellings. (Aiymeee, Emileigh, Jorjia, etc.) Also I am not a fan of traditional surnames for Christian names (Tyler, Jackson, Harvey etc.)

Just had a chat to dd, who has an unusual name, she said she used to dislike it and was all set to change it when older, but now at 12 she likes it. She says she did tell me. I must have forgotten!

Must admit I didn't think dd's name was so unusual at the time as I knew an adult with the same name. And a pregnant friend chose the same name.

It doesn't really matter what her name was for you to feel upset at her changing it. Maybe she didn't tell you she was changing it because every time she's complained to you about it over the years you've said something along the lines of "but it's a lovely name" and not really taken on board how distressed she was with people's reactions to it.
It'll take time for you to get past this but you will and for now show your DD you are happy for her.

I changed both first and middle names soon as I could. They were ten a penny boring 70's names and neither suited me.
My parents were ok about it and said the moment they had given them to me they were mine to do what I wanted with.

Reading the baby names board here, I think there will be lots of people that grow up hating their names. I'm sure the ones I used to have were deemed lvely in their day.

U in the North isn't pronounced ee. The nearest equivalent is like the I in English words like Bit, Hit, Kit etc. Sometimes it's elongated.

I wish I had changed my name as I hate it but would have waited until my parents died ( I was early 30s then as they loved it!)

Yes. Sounds a bit like kusky (rhymes with husky).

If it's any consolation my best friend's DD changed her name by deed poll at 18 from very common solid Emma to Paz (as an anti-war statement). You sometimes can't win as a parent! 5 years on she is used to it and we all go out of our way to call her the new name which my BF really appreciates, though it made her sad when her daughter rejected her perfectly nice name.

If it's any consolation my best friend's DD changed her name by deed poll at 18 from very common solid Emma to Paz (as an anti-war statement). You sometimes can't win as a parent! 5 years on she is used to it and we all go out of our way to call her the new name which my BF really appreciates, though it made her sad when her daughter rejected her perfectly nice name.

Why Paz? Why not 'Peace?' Is her family Spanish?

I'm Scottish and living in England and have given my son a Scottish name. I love it and so does my husband, however, ds happiness is what is most important and if his name upset him I'd fully support a name change. It's a name and doesn't change who your beautiful dd is

OP, i feel so strongly for both you and dd!
My name is one that I've hated my entire life. (It is from 1930s child star, not remotely popular today.) BUT i loved my mom. So i kept it. I'm in my 50s and Still Cringe when i introduce myself. It's embarrassing bc it's obviously old, outdated, Hollywood and is a joke in popular culture. My Dear grandma wanted to name me Kathy. I would have loved it! For same reasons that your dd gives. My Mom let Dad choose the name and he was from other part of country where it may have been slightly more common. My mom passed away, we moved and dh put his foot down (bc he knew that i couldn't) and began introducing me by a nickname that Gran and I chose. I STILL feel guilty. I have always told our children that if they don't like their names PLEASE change it. We accidentally named ds a name that lost popularity in his generation 😐. he changed it for a bit (week). But chose to keep it. Your name is not just a reflection on your parents, but on how you view yourself. How many times have i watched people grin and bond over similar names? My mil used my name to tease me. It hurts to be different if we dont choose to be. Please don't make her feel guilty about changing her name. I honored my mother's wishes but in many ways, it was cruel of her not to support me. I didn't mind being called my given name at home, i just wanted to fit in outside, in school, etc. I'm sorry to post such a long msg. But I think that maybe it may help you get along with her if you support her. Ask if YOU can still call her Apple Summer Sunshine?

I hated my name as a kid and wanted to change it. My dad was based overseas and named me after a friend's DD he met there - it's basically a really old fashioned Islamic name that is not spelled how it's pronounced, and has also been anglicised along the way. So I am forever saying 'its pronounced like insert English word but with an 'a'. For 40 odd bloody years.

My mum said I could change if to my middle name, Ann, but this went the other way and was too dull in my eyes (sorry Anns).

I would have loved to pick a new name but I was too self conscious.

So I get her point and good on her for doing it, but I would be gutted if DD wanted to change her name.

OP you chose something hard to pronounce so it's hardly surprising she hates it. Did you not consider that when choosing it?
It's a shame that she didn't come to you and tell you how she felt and you could have chosen a new name together. But don't make an issue of it, it's only going to push her further away.