DD has changed her name, AIBU to feel rejected

[fabyoulouse]

DD has never liked her name so it shouldn't come as a surprise really. She used to get really upset whenever someone pronounced it incorrectly, which happens a lot, and people don't always pay any attention when she corrects them.

She also claims it makes her "stand out" and she just wants to "blend in". So she is off to sixth form college in September and thinks now is a good time. She has her father's support so they have filled in a form online and she's paid for it herself.

I can't help but feel rejected. Perhaps because I chose her name and so she's always aimed any anger about it towards me.

Good on her, she's very brave given how you have reacted.

It will get more and more common for children to do this as many parents don't think about the chid when naming them as they want to look cool and different by using something unusual or give it daft spelling to appear unique.

If you knew she disliked it you could have changed it with her years ago rather than make this all about you.

I changed my name when I was 22. My original name wasn't unusual, it's just that my first name was a very "pious old lady" name that I felt doesn't fit me, and my last name was a foreign name that sounded extremely vulgar in English (back when I was an intern had clients who felt embarrassed saying it).

What I did was pick a new first name and middle name (which I have been using casually since I was about 16), and used my middle name that is also a surname as my surname.

For once in my life I wasn't ashamed when someone called my name or when I had to write it at the end of an email. When I visit home though, I still used my old name 1. Out of familiarity and 2. Because now it's just like one of those nicknames people use solely amongst their family.

Parents struggled with the change for a while but they have now come to accept it. Everyone's happy.

I completely understand why you feel upset about it. Sounds like you're worried about your relationship with her overall, too.

I guess all you can do it embrace it and not make a fuss, and perhaps showing her that you're supporting her and going to call her by the new name and making a big effort to will help with how you two relate to each other?

This is why I don't believe in complicated and difficult to pronounce or spell names for children, unless you live in Ireland of course.
I don't blame her you just get fed up with it. It isn't a judgement against you.

Lleucu is very difficult to explain phonetically in English because the sounds don't exist in English.

It is the Welsh "Ll" sound as in Llandudno or Llanelli.

Eu is a bit like "ay"

U in Welsh is pronounced like you'd say "ugh" to something unpleasant.

So Ll - ay - c - ugh

And what if you live in Wales, irritated?

I don't really understand why babies are known as their middle name. If you're going to know the child as their middle name, why not give it as first name?

I can understand if the child is named after a parent/grandparent, and they're known as their middle name to prevent confusion, but even in tat situation why not have the family name as a middle name and the ''known as'' name as a first name?

Shortened/nicknames are different IMO.

Her dad has a Welsh name people get wrong all the time. It's never bothered him but she says it bothers her and she doesn't know why but it makes her feel upset and angry.

Is her dad actually Welsh? I think if you are English and have a Welsh names it can be a bit, not sure how to put this, sort of a confused identity.

As for having to correct people all the time, I was blessed with a normal name with a unique spelling, this was in 1960s when no one had weird names /spellings .

I could never buy anything with my name on and even spelling it to people they would write the more conventional spelling.

What I don't understand about it is that my mother had an unusual surname and was glad to ditch it for my dad's very common last name.

I have used a contraction of my name since I was 16 and eventually changed it formally the last time I needed a new passport.

To me having a name that doesn't fit is like being forced to wear an itchy woolen blazer rather than the light jacket everyone else is wearing. It does the same job but just isn't comfortable.

Doing supply teaching I always say, "If I get your name wrong please correct me" when I take the register and I often say things like, "is it Yona or Eye oen a" for names like Iona when I know there are different pronunciations, but I know for some kids it will be the fourth time that day they have told someone.

The only thing I will say is that deed polls are free, as is just starting to use another name, paying for it, well it's not necessary.

Cracking post op. Its given me food for thought re my own name. All the welsh names sound lovely by the way.

Oh op poor you. I've suffered my awful first name up to middle aged. It has two pronunciations and I have started using the second.

My whole life I have dreaded introducing myself and spelling my name. It's spelling leaves it open to massive mistakes in saying it, some embarrassing and you can't imagine how awful sitting through a register is, waiting for a pause and a terrible attempt followed by sniggers.

I hate my name soooo much, it is associated for me with embarrassment, teasing and mild bullying.

I am planning on changing it to a phonetic spelling and my mum has similar upset.

Hi Fluffy, I was being tongue-in-cheeky with the apostrophe. Glad you're Ok. Oh, and I'm female.
MUM

Threads like these piss me off, they're just like those FB status where someone puts something like 'So upset right now' and then answer I'll message you when people ask what's wrong!

Actually Duncan Jones is his birth name. It was Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones, but he was called Zowie until he insisted on everyone calling him Joe or Joey but changed back to Duncan Jones. Jones is David Bowie's real surname.

OP, don't take it personally. Your daughter's name is just a name. She's a teenager, she's trying to find her feet as an adult.

BrazillaBells I know, and the MN obsession with "outing" is ridiculous.

"DH does a hobby every Saturday. I can't say what it is as it would be outing."

Also lol that we know the OP's daughter's first name is Bronwen, she's changing her name, and starting sixth form, but to know her middle name would be totally outing!

"Lol" indeed, if we are talking about Facebook speak.

If indeed I had said

"I need advice about whether or not DD changing her name is acceptable" then you would be correct.

As it is, I was just sharing my feelings and wondering how reasonable or not they are.

DD hasn't ever been known as Bronwen, and if one of her teachers read this (as they'd be the only ones who know) then what of it ... it's a bit different to announcing her actual name.

I'm sorry you have such poor reading skills but please don't lay them at my door.

Wow op. You sound very angry about a lot of things. I think you just feel affronted that your own personal taste has been called into question. Just accept that your dd is not happy with the name you gave her, it's one of those things you cannot do anything about and you CANNOT blame her or fall out with her over it. Just because you like it and it's your pride that's getting hurt. Stop being defensive and accept her decision or you risk alienating her forever, over something that should really not be a massive deal.

I'm not angry. I'd pretty much resolved things several pages ago.

It is irritating, conceded, when people don't read your posts and attack you for not providing the info they want, but I'm not angry at all. I'm very calm as it happens and am a bit perplexed as to how you read "anger" into any of my posts. I' ve never been angry; a bit sad maybe.

I can see why it's a big change for you OP.
I'm sure I'd struggle to adjust if one of my DCs suddenly needed to be known by a new name.

It would be really hard to mentally and actually refer to them as 'Alex' when they'd been 'Daniel' to me for 16+ years.

Names are such a big thing.. rightly or wrongly, they go a long way to defining us, which is a big deal given that it's one of the few things most people never had a say in choosing.

I do think OP that your DD is also BU to think that you somehow 'did this on purpose' and I'm sure as she gets older she'll get more perspective on that. YANBU to feel hurt by that. I thought the suggestion long upthread of buying a personalised gift with the new name (maybe some special jewellery given her age) was a lovely one and could really help heal the rift. You are utterly entitled to feel a little sad in private though - I think most of us would be.

I have a Welsh name it's horrid no one can pronounce it let alone spell it! Of course my English mother can pronounce it and my siblings have traditional names.

Once I broke a bone and was very ill as well as been in pain, I had to go to the out of hours doctors, they asked me several times if I'd spelt my name correctly I wasn't completely out of it!

If I was younger I'd change my name oh and my DC all have traditional names with family names as middle names if I'd had a son he would of had a Welsh name that is used all over the world now. Please think twice about naming your children unique names.

Parents get to choose their babys name.

Adults get to choose whether they'd like to change it or not.

We all get to choose whether we decide to feel sad about that or not.

If you are able to embrace this choice of your dd she will learn a valuable lesson in life about choosing what you want for you and not worrying about what anyone else thinks.

That's true love, right there and freedom, of course.

I know someone whose mum changed her name - she said it was hard at first for people not to say the old name, but they all got there in the end. She just hated her real name.
people change their surnames when they marry or by deed poll too ( have come across a few of those) you will get used to it i am sure.

I remember hating my name as a teenager,still not overly keen on it now Although one of my siblings got lumbered with worse. My mum use to say "it was unique and made her stand out" except she never wanted too stand out and felt like the odd one out. The names are sort of like this
(Not real names)

Sophie
Richard
Alex
Harry
Storm.

I remember when my my would introduce us all and after she said "storm" they would either say "pardon", " haha no really whats hers name" or look really confused.

I've got a Welsh name nobody can pronounce when they see it written down. I wish I'd changed it when I was a teen. Would make my life so much easier.