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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate the summer holidays

185 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 28/07/2017 10:34

I'm really fed up of the summer hols. I have 3 dc. Their dad had them for 4 days while I did thankfully get away with my friend. 2 hours after I got back from the airport he's dropped them off. I've got them day and night for the next three weeks. He's having them for just one weekend all holiday. I'm exhausted. He's only recently starting paying maintenance after a year. My house needs loads doing to it, but I can't afford it. I must be the only teacher who dreads the holidays. I'm knackered.

OP posts:
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 31/07/2017 12:57

I'm pretty proud of myself for getting away from gambling, drinking 'hubz' (with mumsnet support) and getting a proper job all on my own and supporting the kids with no financial support for two years. So go me and screw you facebook Huns.

OP posts:
OneOfTheGrundys · 31/07/2017 13:01

Well aren't they the lucky ones with their awesome hubz. 🤢

Fuck em-they have no idea.

Starlight2345 · 31/07/2017 13:18

I am a LP and do it all myself.

The thing that does come through is your anger towards Ex..

If you struggle without the routine get one.. It doesn't have to be the school routine. but we all have family breakfast at ... A list of things you can do some rainy day/ some nice weather ( fingers crossed for some)
Movie day.. I bought some DVD's from CEX . microwave popcorn, get the kids involved in cooking..My 10 year old I am getting to cook proper meals..I don't want him just to be able to make fairy cakes.

sort out unwanted toys/ clutter do a car boot.plan a day out with the profits.

Could you afford to pay a babysitter a couple of hours for your creative writing course or find one on line if not?

I don't think it is wrong to have a moan about doing it on your own..Maybe post in chat next time?

The one thing I do feel you have to find is a way of accepting that your ex doesn't do what you expect him to ( reasonable or not , he is not going to be a better dad because you think he is) letting go of the expectations is liberating.

nina2b · 31/07/2017 13:22

Parents who hate the summer holidays? I think the solution is to keep kids in school for most of the time and let the teachers do their loco parentis thing. Sorted.

nina2b · 31/07/2017 13:23

Alternatively, sort out your own childcare for a change, instead of having it come on tap.Hmm

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 31/07/2017 13:27

Pardon??? Nina I AM a teacher.

OP posts:
Hammy12345 · 31/07/2017 13:27

Completely empathise. We are away on holiday at the moment but am dreading coming back. My husband works away, so I know I will have 5 weeks to entertain 2 children with a limited budget.

nina2b · 31/07/2017 13:29

Oops! That'll teach me to read the OP before diving in!! I'm a teacher too - to add insult to injury - but in my defence I'm on holiday too... Lol

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 31/07/2017 13:29

I am angry with my ex and I do need to let that go. It's the unfairness. They want him to parent them too. AIBU gets more traffic than chat and chat moves so quickly that threads get missed. I am unsure of where I said that I didn't do my own childcare. I do. It would actually suit me if schools had shorter hols, as the structure of work does seem to suit me. Lie ins make me depressed. I am odd I know. We have had a lovely day today.

OP posts:
nina2b · 31/07/2017 13:30

Have some Cake and Brew.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 31/07/2017 13:32

That's ok Nina. Hope you are enjoying the break!
I need to do a bit of work at some point, I'm writing a resource pack for schools and I need to finish that. So I'll have to sort something. I managed to persuade my mum to do a few hours so I can get to the class, so things are looking up a bit.

OP posts:
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 31/07/2017 13:32

Thanks Nina :)

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 31/07/2017 13:34

Also board games do work well for all those ages...We have games day where we play numerous games..Take turns to choose so it isn't all the mindless ones.

SouthChinaMorningPost · 31/07/2017 13:41

I'm scratching my head wondering why there are so many assholes on this thread....one clearly hasn't had kids, another think it's ok to leave your kids alone for hours....clearly no great parent.

What's so hard about mustering up some empathy mother to mother?
Why all the nastiness?
OP, you need to get as structured as possible. That's what we do, found summers really tough going until I sorted that one, good luck xx

seasonschooner · 31/07/2017 13:49

I'm on your side OP. Why the the hell should your Ex get away with it? Looking after three children single-handedly for 6 weeks is an incredible achievement. Men that shirk responsibilities should be named and shamed and fined/ pay docked and given to you to help with childcare. It's an utter disgrace that this shit still goes on. My mum had this crap to deal with too. CakeBrew for you OP. I do have a helpful DH and we often talk about how hard/impossible it must be to do it alone. I struggle over the summer with help. I will stop moaning and being miserable.

seasonschooner · 31/07/2017 13:50

Sorry about the length lack of paragraphs.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 31/07/2017 13:54

My DC go to a drop in holiday club every day, do you have anything like that locally? 😊

Goodasgoldilox · 31/07/2017 14:21

I am full of sympathy OP - you haven't had a fair break.
Lone parenting is tough - but the resentment of X must be very tiring too.

Keep in mind that you are doing the work but that in the end your X is missing out. The memories /experiences you have with children make them yours. Their connection with him will get smaller and less rewarding for him.

I agree with the advice above - that you need a routine of your own. Plans are your friends. Treat the summer holiday like another kind of work. (My mother always said that with 4 of us holidays were a change not a rest!)

Luckily, as a teacher you are a creative person - and have many skills that will be useful in making the summer memorable (in a good way).

Some we liked:
We found scrap-booking the holiday worked for us. All ages recorded our days with pictures/diary entries and cut n stick things in special books they selected themselves. They turned out to be great at cartoon drawing (thanks to their own sense of silliness and a helpful cartoon-drawing guide we got from the library one wet day.) Artistic awards might not have been won but we still laugh at the results and take great pleasure in looking over them.

Most important was the list they each made at the back of the book - a 'bucket' list of things to do before returning to school. (Picnic on the play-park roundabout - building the biggest lego tower in the world - cinema- sleep-out in the garden with friends - making own ice-cream etc.) We looked in this as we planned the day/week together.

Thumbs up to paper plates and lazy housekeeping days.

Most fun was in a wet week. We planned a 'hot' day for inside the house by creating suitably funny sunshine costumes and each prepared a 'foreign holiday' dish for dinner. Library and screens helped us put together recipes that were age suitable and not too expensive. Much laughing - but most of the meal was edible and the drinks with umbrellas were very colourful.

Map and compass walk - planned by eldest was good. We did need much kendal mint cake though...

wannabestressfree · 31/07/2017 14:23

I understand. I have three sons, two with aspergers and their dad is doing one week with one and not for a month.....

I decided with him (this did take some time) to just let it go anger wise. It was making me ill. He avoids paying maintenance, lies through his back teeth and doesn't help at all. Thing is though they are all getting older and it helps that they see this. I am a teacher too and am seriously ill (have chemo infusions starting next week) and he hasn't even stepped up there. They are anxious due to my health and he is 'busy' or 'on a course'. I just accept some days they may be glued to various screens or that I may have my ears chewed off about WWE but whatever gets you through :)

I know what it's like though. He thinks as I am a teacher I should have them all summer as I am doing buggar all- really?

Am in Kent if that's any good to you :)

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 31/07/2017 14:59

Thanks for the support all and hugs to those finding it tricky too. I'm in the nw. Wannabee that sounds really tough for you. I wish I was close so I could help! Hope it all goes well and you find a way to get through the hols with as little stress as possible. I have six children playing in my garden now, while I watch with a cuppa and write bits of my novel. The only hiccup we have had today is when dd1 decided to give ds a taste of a chilli Confused

OP posts:
formerbabe · 31/07/2017 15:21

Have some tea and sympathy from me too op. You can love your kids unconditionally and still find things tough occasionally. You're only human FlowersCakeBrew

Wafflingwell · 31/07/2017 15:26

Flowers Wannabe [and Gin]

wannabestressfree · 31/07/2017 17:27

I haven't had a drink for over four years.... have a lump the size of a ten year old. Cocktail of drugs I am on prevents it. I do like the odd Diet Coke though or lime and soda :)

Parenting is hard. Lone parenting is even harder. There are no medals and holidays are stressful. Even if I save and go away they all find that stressful. You can't force shit parents to step up and when they do they get a 'disney' week and then we have all the joy of uniform shopping and boredom through lack of funds..... I get it :/ am always around if you want a pm moan though :)

Wafflingwell · 31/07/2017 17:59

Sorry Wannabe should have thought of that. Sounds very tough going indeed.

wannabestressfree · 31/07/2017 18:28

Don't be daft :) it's fine x

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