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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the summer holidays

185 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 28/07/2017 10:34

I'm really fed up of the summer hols. I have 3 dc. Their dad had them for 4 days while I did thankfully get away with my friend. 2 hours after I got back from the airport he's dropped them off. I've got them day and night for the next three weeks. He's having them for just one weekend all holiday. I'm exhausted. He's only recently starting paying maintenance after a year. My house needs loads doing to it, but I can't afford it. I must be the only teacher who dreads the holidays. I'm knackered.

OP posts:
LockedOutOfMN · 28/07/2017 23:04

Is there a library near you? At 7, 9 and 11 you could leave them (together) at the library and go for a walk or a quiet coffee for 20-30 minutes.

Can you contact your creative writing group and see whether it would be OK for your children to sit outside / in the corner? If it's only an hour, they should be OK with book / headphones / other quiet toy? It seems a shame for you to miss out.

LockedOutOfMN · 28/07/2017 23:04

Also - YANBU.

Sorry if this has already been covered in the thread. Will their dad contribute financially to any activities?

gandalf456 · 28/07/2017 23:12

I hear you.I have a ds who hates going.out and a dd who says she has to go out every sodding day whatever the weather. Trying to keep both happy in the pissing rain where i work all kinds of unsociable shifts and run the home is proving nigh impossible

pinkksugarmouse · 28/07/2017 23:54

DD is 14 but she has ADHD as well so I have to factor this in to each activity. Some days she just wants to spend 90% of the time in her bedroom and other days she rattles on and on and wants constant attention. Her dad has her every weekend, I think I would go insane if he didn't. She has two evening clubs for kids on the spectrum which thankfully continue to run through the holidays. Her step-dad is a lot older than me and finds her even more wearing than I do but we are making an effort to do an organised day out each week. Last week we went to Worcester which is pretty close to us. We ate at our favourite restaurant for lunch and then went on a boat ride. This coming Wednesday we are taking her and a friend on the Severn Valley Railway. We are also looking at the Birmingham Science Museum. A lot of teens prefer to hang out with friends but she's really intellectually advanced and really socially awkward and her inappropriate use of complex language makes her stick out like a sore thumb. She gets bullied and left out A LOT. But she loves her groups and she has a couple of really good friends.

I do sympathise with parents who find the holidays hard. It can be emotionally and financially draining. I'm starting out as a teaching assistant in September so I suppose I will really miss the routine of school life for me as much as for DD.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 00:20

Their dad won't contribute to the cost of activities. We are camping with a single parents group this weekend and that's been really fun.
I can honestly say that while they entertain themselves to a point, the 11 year old in particular, needs a lot of emotional support and her dad is useless.
I forgot about the cheap cinema, so we will do that! I have a babysitter so I'll try to use her more. Again it is money, but it is worth it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 00:26

I LOVE the paper plates idea!

OP posts:
mysteryfairy · 29/07/2017 08:26

I know this may be counterintuitive when you already have three but can they have friends round? I would have fought at least the 11 and 9 year olds would need little input if they did.

I would also be relaxed re electronic games, watching tv etc and not beat yourself up if they have time on screens. It sounds like you all need a break.

Are their grandparents who can do the odd day or cousins you can meet up with?

Gilly12345 · 29/07/2017 08:35

School holidays are difficult for every parent especially single parents, I am married and my twins are now 17, do you not have friends who have children who you can socialise with and perhaps do favours for so you can attend the creative writing course or parents/ex in laws who could help, if not you are just going to have to amuse yourselves with picnics, trips to the library, museums which are usually free, swimming pool etc and play dates with your children's friends, school holiday are not going to go away and it takes lots of planning. Good luck.

coolaschmoola · 29/07/2017 08:39

Another teacher here... Totally with you!

thebear1 · 29/07/2017 08:54

I enjoyed my day with dc yesterday but I still work all summer and juggle childcare arrangements. So the 20 days off are spread out. I can completely understand how others find it so hard. Especially those on their own.

mamabike · 29/07/2017 09:09

This is my son's first "school holiday" and I love it! I love not having to wake up at 6am. I love having the day to ourselves no rushing about. I'm sad that there's about two weeks left!

Brighteyes27 · 29/07/2017 09:26

Not a single parent but feel your pain especially when it rains which is relentless up here at the minute. DH works FT and has a long drive to and from work so he is out of the house 12/13 hours a day. I have a number of health conditions and by mid afternoon I could sleep standing up and feel so tired I could cry most days. I love DH to bits but when he gets in he gives me a quick kiss and the DC's if they are near and then he disappears either going for a very long toilet visit, messing about opening letters reading mail or glued to his phone looking things up looking at FB or takes a long phone call. I could really do with a lift especially when the DC's were much younger and we have discussed this and argued about this on many occasions. But he just says I'm knackered which I know he is as well. I work p/t and work is a rest but I take 4 weeks off in the summer to spend time with the DC's and minimise childcare costs. It's the relentlessness. NB i don't have any time for myself in the holidays whatsoever to attend any kind of course meet friends etc either.

Brighteyes27 · 29/07/2017 09:28

mamabike one child is a piece of cake compared to two or more it's the arguing fighting squabbling with each other and for your attention, to get their own way etc that is wearying. I love the kids and holidays to bits to but I am still very weary.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 09:32

Yes it is the fighting that is wearing. I have some friends with children but I don't have a huge circle of close friends who are all eager to offer childcare favours and grandparents are either elderly or busy. If I had a dh coming home in the evening then at least that would take the pressure off, but I don't.

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 29/07/2017 09:53

I can imagine how hard it must be, op, it's bad enough having them all day while DH is at work! I know exactly what you mean about the bickering, I have 2 DDs aged 8 and 5 and it's endless. And yes parents know they're going to have the kids right through their childhoods, but that doesn't mean we can't moan sometimes.

But at least I can have a break whilst DH takes them out.

Where do you live? In Leeds we have what's called a Breeze card issued by Leeds City Council, which gets you some cheap deals for children's activities during the day. Your kids are a good age for those.

Do you have a paddling pool? That's great for when the weather is good, it keeps them entertained for hours! And what about play dates with school friends?

Hope you find a way of keeping them entertained, op! You need some time for yourself.

formerbabe · 29/07/2017 10:06

one child is a piece of cake compared to two or more it's the arguing fighting squabbling with each other and for your attention, to get their own way etc that is wearying

Completely agree. I sometimes send my eldest to a sports camp. The day is so easy when I just have one at home compared to having two. The school hols would be a piece of cake if I just had one!

I get really irritated by other parents who are smug about how much they love the holidays. People's circumstances are so different. Many people are juggling work/childcare. Some people don't have gardens. Some people don't get a break away to take away the monotony of it. Some children have special needs. Some people have financial difficulties. Some people have no family support around. It can be extremely hard for many.

Brighteyes27 · 29/07/2017 10:08

I can probably count the number of times on one hand that DH takes the kids out on his own and we are married and he doesn't do anything with them on an evening either.

user1495025590 · 29/07/2017 10:10

If they ate 7 9 and 11 you can go out and leave them an hour or 2 surely?
I have not much patience with people who moan about looking after their own children and have already had a 4 night holiday without them
Those of us who are not divorced don't generally get a break that long

gandalf456 · 29/07/2017 10:13

Me too, formerbabe. I don't know what telling people this achieves when you already know how they feel. It's not as if we don't love them and don't enjoy spending time with them but balancing different needs with external factors (work, money, time, the house) for 6 weeks back to back is very hard

CockacidalManiac · 29/07/2017 10:15

If they ate 7 9 and 11 you can go out and leave them an hour or 2 surely?

Er, not really. Although there's no legal
minimum age, it's really not safe.

formerbabe · 29/07/2017 10:17

If they ate 7 9 and 11 you can go out and leave them an hour or 2 surely?

Shock. Of course you can't!

Mummy2jen · 29/07/2017 10:41

I am a nursery nurse and a single mum also. I have a two year old and a four year old.ive actually taken on a summer scheme so I can make some extra money and it helps me spend money I don't have (take kids with me) and it means I'm not alone with the kids all day long. However I will have another four weeks of entertaining them after this. It's expensive and tiresome so I know exactly how I feel. I try to visit different parks...splash pads on a hot day, museums etc and our local library have a few messy play sessions running. I may even take them to the cinema. Just a thought for next year there are a few coach companies like shearings that do coach trips all inc. with hotel and food for around 150 pounds. If u book super early (around Jan) you get them cheap. Might be an idea for next year...and u can pay it slowly

Mummy2jen · 29/07/2017 10:42

Sorry meant it helps me avoid spending money

Mittens1969 · 29/07/2017 10:43

No, 11, 9 and 7 is far too young to leave children on their own. It's far too much responsibility for the 11 year old. I know some parents would let an 11 year old come home to an empty house after school, it's the responsibility for the younger children that would make that a no-no.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 11:18

I wouldn't dream of leaving them alone. They fight and my youngest is only 7.

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