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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the summer holidays

185 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 28/07/2017 10:34

I'm really fed up of the summer hols. I have 3 dc. Their dad had them for 4 days while I did thankfully get away with my friend. 2 hours after I got back from the airport he's dropped them off. I've got them day and night for the next three weeks. He's having them for just one weekend all holiday. I'm exhausted. He's only recently starting paying maintenance after a year. My house needs loads doing to it, but I can't afford it. I must be the only teacher who dreads the holidays. I'm knackered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 11:23

Er user I can see why you might not have patience when you think it is acceptable to leave little children alone! Yes I had 4 nights. Out of seven weeks. It's the inequality of it that annoys me. I love my kids. I love spending time with them. I'm doing so right now on a camping trip. I just hate feeling solely responsible. I've had a year without maintenance while ex was self employed and evading paying. I don't have an adult to talk to at night quite often. Yes there are people much worse off! I haven't said otherwise. I'm happy on the whole, but I find the holiday exhausting.

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Mittens1969 · 29/07/2017 11:25

@Farontothemaddingcrowd, I know exactly what you mean! My two DDs constantly fight and I constantly have to respond to the call of 'Mummmmyyyyy, is it my turn yet???' That was a ridiculous suggestion.

You always get a few judgey comments on here.

LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 11:29

Why do you let them fight constantly? Sounds like you need some boundaries. Getting out of the house helps I find as well.

mamabike · 29/07/2017 11:36

I also have a 5 month old and work so I know it's not easy. Still love it though

Mittens1969 · 29/07/2017 11:40

Yes getting out of the house does help. I don't personally really mean constantly literally, it just feels that way at times! They do play together nicely at times too. It's called exaggeration.

But it does mean that they can't be trusted on their own as things can blow up quickly at times, I think that's the point.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 11:42

Yes I don't let them fight constantly. I do intervene. But I can't stop it completely. We are out of the house. We are camping. Just off to hike on the beach. What boundaries would you implement and how would you do so? I think children will fight if there are three of them, close in age and they are bored.

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gandalf456 · 29/07/2017 11:46

Maybe in a year or two, you could leave them for a quick half hour? My eldest is 13, youngest 8. I can leave them , if they're in the right mood, to nip to shops

Mittens1969 · 29/07/2017 11:59

I think it depends very much on the maturity of the children, they're all so different! I suppose op could for example take the youngest with her and leave the other two when they're ages 13 and 11.

A long way off for me, with my two aged 8 and 5 lol!!

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 12:06

Personally I think the issue is that their father somehow feels as if they are not really his responsibility.

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LockedOutOfMN · 29/07/2017 13:02

Apologies if others have already suggested this. Can you get them to help you with cooking? Or bake some cakes together - get them to find some recipes online then go to the supermarket and give each child a list of ingredients they're responsible for finding (supervise as appropriate) then come home and divide up the tasks between them. When the cakes are made, divide them by three and let them each ice / decorate their own. Then let them take some photos of their creations on your phone.

Could also let them make pizzas / pizza slices.

Also give them some chores to do around the house each day, and then rewards such as getting to choose a film to watch.

LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 13:40

About boundaries, well I suppose with mine (8 and 12) if they start bickering or fighting I'd tell them they needed to stay away from each other for a while or that if they couldn't speak nicely to one another not to at all. Or if one had done something in particular which wasn't on, they would have to come and do jobs with me for a while! I understand it is probably more difficult with three, though. Possibly arranging playdates might help, mine seem sometimes better when another child is there, for some reason.

I hope things go OK- just getting out the house can help me quite a bit. My eldest at 12 can go out himself now and get him to run errands sometimes which is helpful. then having just one is easier, as they get older it should improve.

LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 13:42

In terms of dad, it can be helpful to have them to help back you up, but with most of us they aren't there during the day. I understand what you mean though. Kind thoughts. Maybe going on holiday with another mum in the same boat could be an idea?

Mittens1969 · 29/07/2017 13:53

@LovelyBath77, I also find that my two DDs behave better when there's a third child playing with them, definitely!

We also separate them, give them different activities to do, that seems to help. We've paid for them to do gymnastics as well, where they're in different groups. But yes, I get that you're looking to not spend too much money! There are cheaper options though, I expect.

Trips to the seaside as well? My girls love that! If they have something like that to look forward to, that can improve their behaviour. Treats make a good incentive to behave nicely as well. Smile

LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 14:00

OP I can see how it must be exhausting doing it all yourself- is there any relatives to go stay with maybe a grandparent, or could send some of them to the for a week for example? Or even something like a sort play place where they keep an eye on them and you can have a coffee? My town does have a free morning play scheme for a week towards the end of the hols, (but not many know, you sometimes need to find these out) and they aren't that keen but my that stage I sometimes book them in for a morning or two. If you did a playdate swap with your youngest the older ones could watch film for a bit?

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 14:03

It's not about their dad not being there during the day. It's about him not being there at all, practically or emotionally. Financially it's a heavier burden too and I've not had money from him until recently. You can't compare single parenting to someone waiting for dh to come back from work. It isn't the same. There are some great suggestions on here though, thank you.

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Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 14:03

I couldn't send them to grandparents for more than an hour or two.

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Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 14:05

Funnily enough I am at the seaside now nd with other single parents. It does help.

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Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 14:10

I do enjoy the local play centre. 6 pounds for a play and lunch each and you can stay all day. So things like that help. This little camping break is proving to be a big success too.

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LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 14:12

I'm sorry- I just read about the grandparents being elderly / busy. We have a niece who can sometimes help, maybe something like that...anyone really to give you a break!

Something I do which can help (similar age kids) is let them watch a film or play on their tablets / read for part the day when go out for a couple of hours, it doesn't matter where- park / swimming (have cheap swim pass) so it gives you a chance to relax a bit for at least some of the day and get on with some jobs. Oh and online shopping. HTH a little

LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 14:14

Although not the same, my DH is self employed and also works away a lot, so not around much and grandparents are busy and elderly too, can't really stay with them etc. It would be so much easier to have a bit more support. Flowers

cremedelashite · 29/07/2017 14:14

Yanbu! Could he watch them in your house whilst you go out at least 9-3 for at least a day or so a week?

cremedelashite · 29/07/2017 14:17

Can you at least get a long lie in the morning? Extra sleep might boost your reliance for the (bloody wearing I know) fighting

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 29/07/2017 14:18

He won't do it and I don't really like him being in my house. He just doesnt seem bothered really. He once said he had to spend time with his own family when I asked him for help.

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LovelyBath77 · 29/07/2017 14:21

Sad that's horrible. I'm also a teacher (not teaching atm) and it must mean no break at all. Life is not fair, sometimes. I suppose they will get older, have thought this myself this summer. At 8, here we can leave them in cinema club or swimming, but with 2 /3 even those cheap things can get expensive. Hopefully things will get easier.

longestlurkerever · 29/07/2017 14:37

Could you do more camping? In Scotland you can wild camp which is free.

Could you involve the kids in a challenge? Internet research to find the best free activities, foraging to see if you can make dinner for free? Setting up a stall at a car boot sale to make money for an outing, that kind of thing?

I do think they can end up finding a rhythm after a few days of wondering how the hell to occupy themselves - this lasts approximately a fortnight ime before the lack of structure tips them into feral. My dd1 is currently sellotaping the recycling together to build a machine. She has not done anything so wholesome since the last Summer hols. Our difficulty is dd2 (2) who wants to join in everything.

I have my eye on a supervised adventure playground near here where you can drop and run once they turn 6, which dd1 does next week. It's free, which sounds too good to be true. If there is something like that near you I'd make it a daily outing.