To hate the summer holidays

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I'm really fed up of the summer hols. I have 3 dc. Their dad had them for 4 days while I did thankfully get away with my friend. 2 hours after I got back from the airport he's dropped them off. I've got them day and night for the next three weeks. He's having them for just one weekend all holiday. I'm exhausted. He's only recently starting paying maintenance after a year. My house needs loads doing to it, but I can't afford it. I must be the only teacher who dreads the holidays. I'm knackered.

I think that as the OP said, the issue here is more the dad than the holidays as such.

I'm with you, far - I feel resentful that exH just picks and chooses when he wants to see DD. And that usually equates to very little. 8 days out of 7 weeks.

He did tell me a while back that it's a mother's job to look after children, so I'm in no doubt that I won't be getting much help (and also very reaffirmed in my decision to leave him). Hey ho.

I'm a single parent who also works in education. Unlike OP I have mine day and night for the 6 weeks. I love it. Dossing in pjs until 10am, wondering aimlessly around instead of dashing from one place to the next yelling hurry up, trips to the library for books to read with them, cinema, museums. Sure sometimes I'd kill for an adult conversation. On those days I pop to my parents with them or I arrange to take them somewhere with a friend. Otherwise I don't see what's not to like.

That's nice for you Atsea.

Sounds hard op. Glad your enjoying your camping break could you do it again with the group?.could you do some more meet ups with the group? Would having a bit of a plan help ? Mine are younger so sorry if these are rubbish suggestions. Cinema on the cheap kids day, libary reading challange they also do lots of craft activities in holidays, bike rides with picnic, some of our local parks have tennis courts that you can use for free, or basket ball courts, our parks have some free activities on like picnic in park, get active days ect, do you have a local country park? Ours does den building, camp fire events you do have to pay for these, swimming, geo caching, free museum/ art gallerys alot near me have activities/ work shops every week. Lots of playdates. I know you said you could only leave with grandparents for a few hours but i would see if you could arrange that to happen a few times in the hols. It is unfair about their dad but it doesnt seem he is going to do anymore so i think right now its about making it as managble as possible for you.

Might be worth checking out what local sports clubs do in holidays. Some tennis clubs run cheap courses for kids, and they will provide racquets and balls.

For next year, is it worth considering cubs/scouts/guides/brownies? They often do activities in summer hols and will help financially if you have problems.

I would also see if you can get a rota going with other parents not working in school hols. I.e. You have them all on Mondays, a second parent has them Tuesdays, a third on Wednesdays. That way you get a couple of days off and some routine to your week. I realise this might be too late for this holiday, but setting up swapping childcare arrangements for future holidays -even if only one or two days a week - might be sanity saving in the long term. I'd check out what's on your local Mumsnet pages and any online teachers forums in your area.

Also, if you have a decent relationship with his family, would you be able to ask them if they could help? Often grandparents feel very left out when divorce happens and the normal contact with son/daughter-in-laws stops. They may be missing spending time with their GCs and be only too happy to help for a half day once a week so you can go to your class.

If nothing else, it might shame your ex into stepping up to his responsibilities.

I've been told not to ask his parents too much for help.

I've been told not to ask his parents too much for help

By whom?

Why do you have to entertain you children the whole time? Let them be bored. Let them learn to amuse themselves. Do things that don't cost money. Go for walks, go to free museums, go to parks. Stop moaning about looking after your own children ffs.

I'm moaning about their father falange. Why so aggressive? Are you ok? I love my children. I'm allowed to vent at times, particularly as their father does nothing.
And actually I'm glad I did as there are tons of excellent suggestions from the more helpful posters on here. I do let them get bored but there is a lot of dead time and too much boredom leads to squabbles. It's also been useful to think about how I can ringfence a bit of time for myself. I have suffered from depression and school holidays can be isolating and the lack of structure v bad for my depression. I matter too!!!!
Their father says his mum struggles to manage them for long and because she helps in term time a lot, I do try to let her rest in the hols.

Btw falange, would you speak to someone like that in real life? I certainly wouldn't.

I also find the lack of routine difficult sometimes in the hols OP and suffer with depression anxiety. It is difficult. I think it may be easier in a a year or two as they get older and a bit independant. In fact this hols I was really stressed before they started and though in 2 years or so my youngest will be ten, and possibly can go out to the swimming pool for an hour or so for a break (without them a bit) Realising it isn't forever made me feel a bit less trapped. We are in a top floor flat as well, which can be tricky, can't kick them out in the garden for a bit.

Just now when the weather id bad I sometimes let them watch a film while i do a bit of yoga, listen to the radio or just do something small for me. That can help a bit.

I think once my eldest is at high school she will be more independent. It's a tricky age I think. Routine is so important when you are prone to depression. It's easy to let things slip in the holidays a bit.

It is. the first week I found hard, my eldest's school finished a week early so we have seven weeks not 6. But can see with him, he can go out alone and to school and has his own key. I found thinking of it as being just for 6/7 weeks, the next couple of years made it feel a bit easier. Kind thoughts

Thank you lovelybath. I really appreciate you taking the time to post and all the other posters who have offered really helpful suggestions too. To those who thought I was moaning about looking after my own children, I can't help thinking that society has a long way to go. If a dad said that the mother of his kids only saw them once every two or three weeks and never rang them in between (despite living ten mins away) because she had a new family, there would be more condemnation I think. We should hold mothers and fathers to exactly the same standards.

I know this doesn't get to the root of the problem, but just wanted to say a couple of things which have helped me:

1. i found in my local library a list of borough- wide sports and other activities which my Council puts on at cheap/ no cost during the summer hols. Surprisingly wide-ranging and some really great stuff (robotics, trampolining, crafting, swimming etc), though I can imagine maybe not every borough offers this. Worth checking as it can be barely advertised.
2. babysitting swaps. You have their kids for an afternoon, then swap. People are always up for this but need to be asked outright. Hope it gets better for you.

I dislike the summer too....hugs!

If I suggested my ex takes time off work to help with his own kids he would laugh at me . Well he has done ...claims he's skint but is always out with new woman. If he has the kids ever they just get put in front of tv.

If I suggested my ex takes time off work to help with his own kids he would laugh at me . Well he has done ...claims he's skint but is always out with new woman. If he has the kids ever they just get put in front of tv.

Ugh it is so fucking hard, and my husband is around and pretty decent.

Mine are 10, 4, and 2 and it's just relentless. May 30 to September 5th.

I like it for a few weeks but we really need the structure too. I've tried to put some in place recently because it was just getting to be too much! So I've been trying to have TV time at roughly the same point in the day, outside time etc.

Do you have Pinterest? I've found there are loads of ideas for independent play, which is nice when you need your space.

Best of luck OP, it is HARD!

Could the mother take 1 or 2? Leaving you with the eldest who could be of some use for household tasks/reading/whatever relaxing time you need? Divide and conquer works for me if I ever can.

Don't feel bad about explicitly structuring time in your day where they leave you alone for a bit too. I've tried giving lists to my dc this hol (normal tick list before screen time-unless we all get our jobs done no one gets iPads at 5) and in my jobs there's 'exercise'-so they know if I don't get my time to work out there's no screen time for anyone. . I know it's mean but it's working and no ones that bothered it seems.

I teach too op and this last term was loooong. I've slept a lot.

Strength and calm sent to you.

I would also recommend what OneOfTheGrundys has suggested actually. My DM has had my DDs separately for sleepovers during the holidays. She can't handle them both together (she is 77!) but she does fine with one of them.

Is it an idea worth putting to your ex MIL? Maybe not for a sleepover, but for part of the day? Or would the two you still have squabble even more?

I know that you didn't plan to be a single parent and appreciate that it must be irritating that your children's father is not doing his share. I also understand what you say about routine but it just seems such a shame to read that you are not enjoying time having fun with your kids. I absolutely dread the end of the holidays (probably as much as you dread the holidays). I hope that the suggestions here help you to enjoy them more! Try to take your feelings of annoyance about your ex out of the equation and just enjoy what you have.

Thank you for putting this on facebook mumsnet
Someone on there suggested I didn't deserve kids . It's pretty disgusting. I was having a bit of a vent. I love my kids but it's like some kind of crime if you confess you don't walk around like Mary Poppins 24/7. I do enjoy parts of the holidays with them of course!
Bloody hell I know mumsnet are allowed to do that with posts, but it's really not a nice experience. Mumsnet feels like home but to have people referring to you as 'that woman's and suggesting you shouldn't have children on facebook is really fucking awful.