To want the other parents/nursery to do more?

[PeoniesGinandBags]

Okay so here goes...

DC goes to a lovely local nursery that I've always been happy with. Great staff, lots of activities etc. About 6 months ago another child started at the nursery - M.

We've had the usual ups and downs of nursery as children adjust, start/stop biting etc etc so I'm used to dealing with 'issues' and appreciate (being a teacher myself) that no child is perfect, two sides to every story etc.

However... M is a bloody nightmare.

On 3 occasions M has assaulted my child - yesterday getting hold of DC's hair with two hands and hitting it off the dinner table. These are not isolated cases. Two weeks ago I was collecting DC from nursery and I witnessed M casually walking over to another child, pushing them over and walking off. A week prior to that there was an incident involving M putting her hands around the neck of the same child she pushed over.

When I've spoken to nursery before about M they told me that it's 'in hand' and that 'someone was coming that day to do an observation of her'. I don't know who this would be?

To compound the issue (for me anyway) I witnessed M having a temper tantrum as Mum was collecting them from nursery. M wanted a toy that belonged to another child and M's Mum simply said to the other child, "Can you just let M have the toy for the night?" followed by lots of other attempts to 'reason' with M.

I'm sick to the back teeth of DC doing what they should, reporting things to the staff, not shouting/hitting back but to be honest enough is enough. It just seems that M is out of control. I can see there are issues for her but things seem to be escalating to an alarming degree.

Any advice? I called nursery this morning ahead of dropping DC off and said that I wanted to escalate my concerns, that we had had a bad night with DC after what had happened yesterday etc and I'm waiting to hear back from them. I have suggested (but don't know at all if this would be helpful) that I want a meeting with a senior member of staff at nursery as well as M's parents so that we can discuss strategies for a way forward (to be blunt - stop pandering to the tantrums and see the effect this is having on others). ARGH!!! I'm hopping mad but trying hard not to be unreasonable.

AIBU???

Just a slight side note but please remember those of us with asd/adhd and other disabilities are more commonly the victims of bullying than the perpetrators

I agree with this as well -

You have a point. If they don't have the capability to take care of SEN issues they need to either get it or let the child go.

In the 4 schools I've worked in, yes, we would get all parties involved together to work through the issue. This isn't a 'having a go' session but merely an approach (that in my experience has worked) to try and come up with strategies that are going to work for everyone

Not read the whole thread but REALLY?

DS has often been in scrapes at school over the years (thankfully not recently). He has often been at the receiving end, too.

And NEVER have I met another parent about, either as parent of victim or perpetrator. The school has sorted it out.

I was the manager of a Private day nursery until a few years ago and I'd be in serious shit if I disclosed private information about one child to another parent. Id stand a good chance of (rightly) losing my job if I discussed professionals coming in to observe a child with anyone other than the child's parents and the professionals involved. That alone is bang out of order, but to then also later go on to tell you the child needs 1-1 but funding isn't available is taking the piss. And they've agreed to organise a meeting with another child's parents to discuss strategies with you there? WTF?

I had two occasions when parents have asked to discuss another child with me, and on being told I can only discuss their own child, they'd insist it's ok for me to share info about other dc as one was a doctor, and the other a teacher, and that they can help, Ummm, nope, still not happening, and if 'help' is needed it will be from professionals assigned to the child, not some other parent who thinks they know better.

Owners of my nursery always out children before profits and employ extra staff, theyd take a hit in the profits to ensure there's enough staff to keep all dc safe and included. I appreciate some private settings are very money focused and only employ a minimum amount of staff to meet ratios though. Every child has a right to be safe, every child has a right to have their private info kept private. They've let both dc down, they've let both sets of parents down. I'd not send my child there to be honest.

Am actually wondering if when they told you M needs one to one, it wasn't from advice from professionals observing, but them wishing another nursery worker could be employed to make supervising all children easier? Both possibilities are shite as they are either disclosing private info that you shouldn't be being told about, or they are basically telling you they can't give M the supervision they need because the owners say they won't employ another member of staff, misleading to use the word funding instead of profits if that's the case.

No doubt you're also one of those parents who goes straight to the headteacher when your child is given a break-time detention because you don't understand how issues are dealt with and escalated.

This actually e at DCs last school. Usual kid hurt about three or four kids one day. Last straw was when he punched a child so hard kn the stomach, twice, that the child had to be checked over medically. The Mum found out that child had been put in time out for his behaviour. Not only did she march round to the HTs office, she also gave the teacher a public dressing down at 8:30am one morning in front of all the parents for daring to discipline her child. could see where child got their temper from!

So I'm well aware of those sort of 'naughty' children but i don't think this is it in this scenario. M's parents sound like they're co-operating as much as possible with the nursery.

This isn't a 'having a go' session but merely an approach (that in my experience has worked) to try and come up with strategies that are going to work for everyone

Even in a nursery setting?...