3year old standing at the window nearly everyday. What should I do?

[mumistheword14]

So for the past year my auntie's neighbour's child has been standing at the window nearly everyday looking sad. He looks like he hadn't had a bath in awhile and just stands there no matter the weather. There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him. Me and my 3year dd waved few times but he doesn't wave back or even smile.

I'm thinking about calling SS or to knock at the door saying something but I don't know how that will go. He looks so sad and neglected it's been a whole year maybe more that he's been left to stand there.

No one taking the piss

Agreed (apart from a couple at the start of the thread.)
Hope I'm not being lumped in with those "taking the piss" as it's called having an alternative viewpoint.
It is hugely damaging to have people ringing/calling about stuff such as "I see a child sat in a window and he looks unkempt."
But apparently mental wellbeing of innocent parents isn't important.

'Blink' is a good book about how to process gut instincts and the difference between prejudice and pre-formed ideas, and genuine instincts.
What I find sad about this thread is that the OP and her aunt discuss this child but have never made any attempt to interact with the neighbours. I hate that we have turned into a society that gives brownie points for not engaging ie viewing from a distance; discussing with random strangers on the internet; calling someone else so it becomes their responsibility. It's the opposite of being a caring community.

What I find sad about this thread is that the OP and her aunt discuss this child but have never made any attempt to interact with the neighbours. I hate that we have turned into a society that gives brownie points for not engaging ie viewing from a distance; discussing with random strangers on the internet; calling someone else so it becomes their responsibility. It's the opposite of being a caring community

Agreed. Watching from a distance, never interacting and just reporting from snapshots. As you say, it's the total opposite of being caring.
What does the aunt think seeing as it's actually her who lives there and not her niece? Who presumably isn't there every days and for hours on end looking to see if the child's moved from the window?

I'm not convinced that you or your auntie know that this child never gets taken to the park, or out generally. Have you any evidence for that?

OP do you feel brave enough to knock on the door next time you walk to the park and ask whether the kid and his mummy would like to join you in the park as your DC would love the opportunity to make a new friend etc?

You would learn a whole lot more in that moment about the parents, the child, the household dynamics. You can then make a more informed decision about calling SS.

Best case sceanrio, they say yes and you make a new friend. Worst case scenario, you have a tough call to make.

In one of Alan Bennett's Talking Heads, Patricia Routledge beautifully plays the part of a nosy neighbour, unduly concerned about a child:

"I haven't seen the kiddie opposite for a week or two. And they're out all the time! Every single night they'd go off, and the kiddie doesn't go, and no one comes in to sit. He can't be more than five, and they want fresh air do kiddies, it's a well-known fact!"

Later, when she's interviewed by the police, for spreading word about them and others:
"I can't keep the peace when there's a child suffering! If they're a caring young couple, why did they go off every night, leaving the kiddie alone in the house?"
"Because the kiddie was in hospital, and that's where they were going every night, and that's where the kiddie died on Friday."
"What of, neglect?"
"No, leukaemia."

If you don't know the child personaly how do you know he's 3 also what time of day is it? Is it the upstairs window downstairs window ur not exactly giving much detail so what exactly would you say to ss oh there's a child standing in a window

God it's like being back in sixth form. 'Where's your evidence?' 'Have you referenced that?' 'You DO KNOW that just because you see X happening it doesn't automatically MEAN Y??'.

OP if you see something that you think is troubling, either knock on and see what the deal is, or call SS if you think it's worth it.

What I find sad about this thread is that the OP and her aunt discuss this child but have never made any attempt to interact with the neighbours. I hate that we have turned into a society that gives brownie points for not engaging ie viewing from a distance; discussing with random strangers on the internet; calling someone else so it becomes their responsibility. It's the opposite of being a caring community.

The OP said she's thinking of knocking on, so you can piss off with your judgybollocks.

The OP said she's thinking of knocking on, so you can piss off with your judgybollocks.

She said she's thinking of calling SS - in what way is that your first port of call? Surely you'd knock and get a clearer picture that way.
Sitting in a window, looking dirty, and is never taken to the park (*how OP knows the park bit as a random passerby is anyone's guess.)

God it's like being back in sixth form. 'Where's your evidence?'

Where's your evidence is a perfectly valid question when it's put to "he never gets taken to the park!*
How the hell would you know that?! Pure and utter speculation surely if the OP is who she says she is and isn't even a neighbour to get a clear picture.

You don't need, and are not expected to obtain or seek, evidence for reporting a possible child safeguarding issue. That is for an agency to do if they feel it needs further investigation. Yes it can be "pure and utter speculation". That is what the agencies need to decide.

But apparently mental wellbeing of innocent parents isn't important
I don't believe anyone has said that. But certainly the mental wellbeing of an adult doesn't trump the safety of a child, no. Do you feel it should?

I'm going to stay here Littlechip and I'm going to keep judging.There's no way I'd spend a year gossiping about a child in RL and then take that gossip to the internet. But I make an effort to get to know my neighbours. That's how a community safety net works in practice.

I'm sorry but the posters downplaying the potential effects of an SS investigation need to check their privilege. Yes, a false SS report will result in nothing more traumatic than a five minute chat with some nice woman -- IF you are from a "naice" middle class home.

Unfortunately SS can be pretty biased, especially when it comes to class. I reported my (physically and sexually) abusive family to the police and SS never did anything more than take one look and think "posh well-educated people with lots of books and RP accents, can't possibly be any problem here!" Literally totally ignored actual sexual abuse allegations and flat out refused to investigate just because a family was "posh." I've heard other examples of this too. Otoh I went to school with a girl from a very working class single-parent household and SS conducted a really aggressive investigation based on an extremely minor red flag (something a million 'posh kids' did too without anyone flagging it). It devastated their family. I have a friend who was raised in care, and just because she's a care leaver and had MH problems as a teen, SS watch her like a hawk.

I also find it highly disturbing that the posters mocking and being sarcastic at the idea of not taking "gut instinct" as gospel are ignoring the fact the OP lied. The OP has made contradictory statements that simply cannot be reconciled without some kind of untruth. If the OP only walks past once a day as she claims, then her allegation that "the child is NEVER taken out" cannot logically be true, since there is no physical way for her to know that. The fact the OP has not been back to clear up the contradictions and inconsistencies in her allegation is a bit dodgy. Point being, if the OP is capable of making false allegations to us, with the kind of urging she's been getting on here, what's to stop her repeating those false allegations to SS? Phoning SS to say "I walked past a house with a child staring out the window" is very different from phoning SS to say, "I know a house with a small child who is never allowed out and stares out the window all day."

If the OP only walks past once a day as she claims, then her allegation that "the child is NEVER taken out" cannot logically be true, since there is no physical way for her to know that.

Thank God someone has pointed this out so clearly. It seems to me screamingly obvious, but some people are feeling the need to be snitty about me and other posters wondering exactly how well/closely the OP has been watching this child and household's activities.

Is it even the Op who walks past once a day or her Auntie?

A kid looking out of a window when someone happens to walk past only tells us that the kid is looking out of the window when that person walks past, doesn't it?

What else is known?

I think expecting OP to detail occasions when child has been standing there as evidence is a bit pointless.

If OP visits occasionally, and the child just happens to be there every time, then it is likely the child spends a lot of time at the window.

When she says the child is never taken to the park, she means 'my auntie had never seen him taken to the park,.

A child who looks grubby and cheerful after a busy day's play is very different from one who looks grubby and solemn every time they are seen.

A child who is inadequately dressed for the weather, but hopping and skipping along full of energy or even shivering and complaining loudly is very different from one standing shivering and quiet.

If you can't understand why OP is worried, then be glad. You also might want to checking your privilege.

When she says the child is never taken to the park, she means 'my auntie had never seen him taken to the park,.

There's a hell of a lot of difference in telling SS "my auntie's never seen him taken to the park" and "he never gets taken to the park!"
Anyway, the OP seems to have bitch plopped and ran.

I'm not close to the child as someone said.the reason I know the park is 1min walk is because I lived with my aunt for 3 months and in those months I took my dd to the park to play. I don't live with her anymore but I do visit a lot and whenever I do visit which is 3-2times a week I see him at the window.
I don't wish to bring stress to the family by calling SS but there's something about him that doesn't sit well with me. To me a child spending so much time staring out window tells me that he's parent are not bothered enough to entertain him.

How about knocking on the door next time you take your DC to the park and say you've spotted him in the window, and your DC would like some company. Invite parent and child (obviously) to come with you. Might give you a chance to see the parent, and see how they are about it, and to see if that gives you any clues as to how well the child is being looked after. I don't just mean how the parent looks, before I get jumped on, I mean if they seem surprised, pleased, welcoming or unfriendly, suspcious, threatening etc.

the reason I know the park is 1min walk is because I lived with my aunt for 3 months and in those months I took my dd to the park to play

Urm OP. We weren't wondering how you knew there was a park there, we were wondering how you knew his parents never took him to it!

Twice a week is not "a lot of time".

If OP visits occasionally, and the child just happens to be there every time, then it is likely the child spends a lot of time at the window.
Or that he always looks out of the window at that specific time. Or just likes looking out of windows.

Frankly I find the OP's fixation on this child more cause for concern than a child occasionally looking out of the window while not wearing warm winter clothes indoors.

Can you imagine if the kid's mum was on here? "A strange woman keeps walking past staring at my son through the window, she monitors and scrutinizes everything my son does, and she's going around talking to strangers about him and making up all kinds of sweeping assumptions about my son's life, what should I do?" There would be tons of posters advising her to call 101 "just to be on the safe side."

bitch plopped and ran.

OP, can you answer the question of how you know the child never gets taken out/to the park?

@TabascoToastie that's quite the weight to put on OPs shoulders - and anyone's shoulders, should they report something to SS/HV etc.

No one can know the reasons for anything having just seen a snapshot, or a series of snapshots, of the situation. Doesn't mean things should be left as they are, just incase.

Also, it wouldn't be a fake report, it would simply be a report.