3year old standing at the window nearly everyday. What should I do?

[mumistheword14]

So for the past year my auntie's neighbour's child has been standing at the window nearly everyday looking sad. He looks like he hadn't had a bath in awhile and just stands there no matter the weather. There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him. Me and my 3year dd waved few times but he doesn't wave back or even smile.

I'm thinking about calling SS or to knock at the door saying something but I don't know how that will go. He looks so sad and neglected it's been a whole year maybe more that he's been left to stand there.

Truly harrowing read, Cauliflower

Awaywiththepixies

Me too
I was the lucky one, being the eldest of four, I got to go in first

You would be very very lucky to get a visit from an actual real life social worker in the scant details given here - do people realise how hard it is to get social care to do anything with solid evidence - resources are scant.

That isn't going to happen.

You'll be lucky if they even give it to the Family Support Team for the Children's Centre to check out.

It will however be logged which won't harm anyone, esp if other reports have been made from other quarters.

So because a couple of people have had a short conversation they found uncomfortable, they are advising someone else not to report something they are concerned about

It's because she has said nothing at all that indicates her concern is either valid or rational or appropriate.

We have a kid looking out of a window possibly a little grubby.

We don't have a malnourished looking kid, we don't have a filthy kid we don't have a broken dangerious looking window, we don't have anything else that changes it from anything other than normal kid looking out of a normal window.

If the op has a reason for a concern she needs to be able to express that in order to change it from a kid looking out of a window to something that a sane and rational person would consider a concern.

Hudson10 completely agree, doesn't matter about the stress and damage it could cause to the innocent parent
They may never trust another person after this, but that doesn't matter?
I don't understand what is so bad?
i did this, for many years i loved looking out of flat windows
strange child

So because a couple of people have had a short conversation they found uncomfortable,

Nope. The result or ours wasn't a short conversation that we found uncomfortable. It was unnecessary, intrusive and uncomfortable for my DD when they pulled her knickers down to see the mark (was on her hip). I know I didnt have to be there. But another appropriate adult did and there wasn't . Not to mention asking her leading questions which are a huge no no in safeguarding. One of which was 'do you and your mum ever fall out?'

Tell me honestly any of you on here who's children would not reply yes to that question, at least once All they had to do was check her medical records first. think about all the petty fallouts they haveat school and at home with their siblings and parents over nothing

I only hope they were just as stringent with the parents who used to waltz in stinking of weed at 8:30am than they are those with a kid who has a dodgy eczema mark.

It's most likely nothing. But if in doubt - why not report? We all have a duty of care. Best outcome - they attend and parents/careers are mortified.

Can't believed how rude people being are to OP. If people start feeling like their going to be laughed at for a gut feeling, then they'll stop reporting all together.

Better to be safe than sorry, surely?

My DD likes to sit on the window sill. Usually with a cat either side of her. God knows what they are looking at as when I ask she just says nothing in just looking out the window mummy

I expect the OP has gone. I would've. In case you're still there, OP, in your position I would use my 3 year old daughter as an excuse to knock on the door. 'She sees your little boy there and is always asking to play' mumsnet tinkly laugh.

If you get a glimpse or further feeling there is nothing wrong with calling someone if you are genuinely worried. Your post does not read as someone who is scandalised about a little kid being allowed to look out of the window in his vest (normal) but as someone who is worried about a little boy being neglected.

I once went with a colleague to pick her kids up from nursery. She was a deeply ambitious deputy head, and worked long hours in school - so her kids were there from first light to 6PM every day. She said she liked this nursery as it had longer hours.

I'd rung around a year or two before - including ringing the local council - re. where to get a nursery place for my own son, as I went back to work as a teacher. And coincidentally, I'd asked about this same nursery as it was near my house.

The woman on the phone from the council tipped me off about this one nursery, she said, which they were currently investigating for suspected child abuse. She said she wasn't supposed to tell anyone, as they were 'only' being investigated and nothing had yet come to court... but she couldn't in all conscience say nothing. I promised I'd keep quiet about it. But when colleague was giving me a lift home and picking up her kids on the way - I was horrified to see it was the same nursery the council worker had tipped me off, about.

And the kids were all stood in the window. Just staring out. Desperate for parents to show. I asked colleague if they were always stood in the window (certainly never happened at any nursery my kids went to, before or since). She thought nothing of it. I then told her what the council employee had told me.

Last I heard, ambitious colleague's kids were still there.

My own son is nearly 30 now, so those kids will be grown up as well. But that was one reason I stopped teaching - seeing how ambition is so ugly, it even makes people try not to see the obvious. She was so desperate to appear 'a good worker' and get promotions, she didn't care where her kids were all day.

To me, the sight of those little kids all with their faces pressed up to the window, spoke volumes.

I'd ring SS but don't hold your breath, OP. In my experience, they do nothing and believe whatever they're told.

One of my daughters favourite things is to look out of the window watching the cars and buses and people. She will wave however but still. If you walked past my house every day you'd see her

Well what does your Auntie say? You don't live there she does!
I understand your concern but really you have no facts... you could always knock at the door and ask them for tea in your Auntie's place. and if he would like to play with your little boy...? Then you can gauge the situation without calling in SS ( and i use term wisely).

What harm is done? You have a conversation with the SW, they see the child and that there is no harm done. You walk away thinking someone was a bit over zealous but actually pleased that the system works, put the kettle on and make your child's tea

You have obviously never been reported to SS. It really isn't like that. Puts the fear of god into you. You don't just shrug your shoulders and think well, that,was an interesting afternoon...It is truly terrifying and is very difficult to put into perspective even when you know you've done nothing wrong.

Joffrey WTF.

You're seriously having a go at making people feel guilty and worrying about their kids when they have to go out and work and put them in nursery?!

If the child is all right and the parents have done nothing wrong then it won't be pleasant but at least the child will be proved to be okay - if on the other hand she is being neglected, she may be saved from a terrible life - it seems strange for a little girl of that age to not even wave back and to look sad every time

Ignore the people taking the piss here.

Ignore the people telling you not to report anything because the family may be mortified or because you should talk to the family first or because you just don't know enough and there might be nothing wrong but the family could be forever tainted because someone reported a concern.

Do NOT read all the 'my child likes to look out of the window a lot too does that mean people should call SS on us?' posts and decide you're overreacting. These posts are not coming from people who have the worry you have, who are seeing what you are seeing. Sometimes it can be very hard to describe exactly what it is that is making you worried- we cover the role of what people variously call 'instinct' and 'gut reaction' and 'intuition' in social work training. As you learn more and gain experience you develop reflective and analytical skills which allow you to unpick the feelings and observations which make you feel one way or another, but in the early days and without that training, sometimes all you can realistically verbalise is "something about this makes me feel worried".

You have a concern. Act on it. Make the call.

There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him

How could you possibly know that?

What does your aunty think? Does she know the wee boy/family?

If you're concerned call SS but I'm not sure you have enough information for them to act on.

There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him
How could you possibly know that?

That bit's been conveniently overlooked by all those saying "report, report..."
Surely you'd have to be a lot closer to the child than a random neighbour's relative to know such a thing.

My dcs stand at the window with wild hair, grubby faces and pen over them waving and shouting hello to everyone that walks past Until I shoo them away to the bathroom to get washed... yet again.. I am in the I wouldn't know what to do because I can see both sides.

Ring them OP - trust your gut.

Ok, you may not have 'enough' to warrant a home visit or for any action to be taken but this child may already be on their system, maybe lots of people have phoned them about him with 'niggling' concerns and the more concerns that are logged the better because it gives SS a better picture. If they've already had calls about him and then they have another one off you it shows that something is amiss and it may trigger them to investigate it whereas previously they wouldn't.

I work relatively closely with SS and children and have done for the past 8 years and they have always said they prefer a call, even if it's about something that isn't definite abuse, because once it's on their records they and the Health Visitor will be a bit more alert.

If you don't feel comfortable ringing SS you could perhaps ring the local health visiting team (easy to find who that is using google) and ask to speak to the HV who covers that street. Tell her the house number of the child you're concerned about and they can document it in the child's notes that you've called and decide what action to take. As has been said, the child may already be on their radar.

I used to work in a HV team for two years and we would frequently get calls off people who wanted to express concerns about other children.

If this is going to play on your mind OP then just call someone for advice. It's far better that you call and it be nothing than the alternative.

Sometimes it can be very hard to describe exactly what it is that is making you worried- we cover the role of what people variously call 'instinct' and 'gut reaction' and 'intuition' in social work training. As you learn more and gain experience you develop reflective and analytical skills which allow you to unpick the feelings and observations which make you feel one way or another, but in the early days and without that training

Would you care to rake the time to explain the main jist of the training you received on gut feeling and intuition?

As in are you taught to take gut feeling and run with it OR
To be mindful of the pitfalls gut feeling and intuition present.

And the kids were all stood in the window. Just staring out. Desperate for parents to show

Whilst that is obviously very sad it's one example and doesn't mean the others are like that.

DCs school is very well sought after, the kind where people will sell their own grandma for a space there. Yesterday a child saw his mum in the line, (we'd been waiting tsn minutes and saw him happily playing). Then all you seen from behind the fence was the same boy. Tears sad face. "but my mummy is right there!" to his teacher. Proper pulled at the heartstrings. I suspect everybody who walked around that corner in the last couple of minutes thought said kid was unhappy there when they couldn't have been further from the truth!

Ignore the people taking the piss here.

No one taking the piss.

As in are you taught to take gut feeling and run with it.......

As a Children's nurse working with children aged 0-2, when it comes to gut feelings in relation to concerns about a child's welfare we are always told to act on it. The benefit we have as professionals is that we are surrounded by other nurses and doctors who we can discuss it with, and more often than not, everyone else has the same niggling concerns. Unfortunately OP isn't surrounded by people she can have such discussions with but that doesn't mean she should ignore her instincts.

If you're concerned I always say act on that. You never know the circumstances, and you could potentially be helping a vulnerable child. If the child is safe, looked after and in no danger, then social services will write off the case.

That being said my DS loves to look out the window upstairs, watching the cars and bikes park up in the car park. He usually does this most evenings, as I'm running his bath and getting him ready for bed, so also looks grotty at this time. He will also do this when I'm cleaning/tidying upstairs. Of course this isn't the case for every child.

Does your aunt ever see the child and parent leave the house? How close does she live to this family? I don't monitor my neighbours, but hear when they leave the house.