3year old standing at the window nearly everyday. What should I do?

[mumistheword14]

So for the past year my auntie's neighbour's child has been standing at the window nearly everyday looking sad. He looks like he hadn't had a bath in awhile and just stands there no matter the weather. There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him. Me and my 3year dd waved few times but he doesn't wave back or even smile.

I'm thinking about calling SS or to knock at the door saying something but I don't know how that will go. He looks so sad and neglected it's been a whole year maybe more that he's been left to stand there.

You walk away thinking someone was a bit over zealous but actually pleased that the system works, put the kettle on and make your child's tea.

Yes, if you're not prone to anxiety. It can cause untold damage to loving parents who are but do suffer from it.
There's nothing in the OP that warrants concern. A child at the window every day. Is OP at her aunt's house every day to know this?
If so, does she see her there hours every day like she says?
How do you know that from someone so remotely connected?
Does she sit outside the house for hours? Genuine question.
As for not going to the park as no-one bothers to take the child to the park - there's no way of OP knowing this if she's who she says she is.

I will say it again. THE DOTS NEED TO BE JOINED. It can be one tiny thing that can save a child. Would it be better to act on your gut instinct or just turn a blind eye?

let's report everyone for the non-issues for the sake of it? SS won't go out unless there is evidence to suggest a need. They don't run out banging down the doors for every call they get so its possible this will only be noted. But if the neighbours happen to report him crying all nnight- -like my child-- and nursery report bruises it adds together a clearer picture with triangulation of evidence

This is the last story I read about a child staring out of a window constantly.
None of mine do or did it and if they did it for more than a few minutes then I'd be concerned about my parenting or their health.
www.theguardian.com/society/2010/feb/06/child-neglect-adrian-levy-cathy-scott-clark

Op report it. It's obviously worrying you..yes children do that but surely not everyday for a year ?

Yes, if you're not prone to anxiety. It can cause untold damage to loving parents who are but do suffer from it.

I have severe GAD and I would experience major anxiety from a SS visit, yes.

I would still rather someone report than risk not reporting and a kid being in a terrible situation with no way out.

Gut feelings are often wrong, but the SS are there to make sure the kids are happy. Adult feelings < kids safety.

Fuck the fact that a clearly loving parent gets a visit or a phone call from SS. Can you not see that that can cause untold anxiety?
Or does that not matter?

Yep. Have huge anxiety. DDs last school took her in for a welfare exam after 'a suspicious mark was spotted on her leg'. That mark was an eczema flare-up. They knew how her skin reacted as they'd called me up on previous occasions to ask me to bring her medicine around when she'd come out in the same sort of rash.

Did it leave me with anxiety about the whole thing? Of course. Am I glad they followed through 'simethinf which aooearsd to be nothing'. Of course.

If only they were that on the ball about what was wrong when I used to pick my darling DD up in tears everyday at hometime because she'd been openly bullied in class yet a bloody gain. But nope, apparently being shitscared of the child twice the size of you threatening to beat you up 'because the teachers won't notice'; well that's just your DD being a tad sensitive...

Sorry. something which appeared to be nothing

OK, I'll regret posting this as I don't usually divulge personal information.
I had someone report me as they'd seen my child without a coat repeatedly. (Never mind the fact that I had it on me at all times, he just refuses to wear one as he's like me and doesn't feel the cold!) It's there if he needs it though. He just won't wear one. Must get it off me, I think nothing of wearing strappy tops in winter.
Plus the fact they'd heard raised voices for a few nights.
(Eldest backchatting, shouting. Me raising my voice back as was pushing buttons)
Suffered from anxiety ever since getting that phone call asking if I was being mistreated (as if, DH is the most gentle, nicest person ever), and not to mention the fact they were asking if the kids were adequately clothed, if they were having problems at school etc.
OP has put nothing to be concerned about. Kids do sit at windows. They do run around with no coats on.
Think before you report or at least some proper suspicions.

But fuck the parent's feelings yeah, let's report everyone for the non-issues for the sake of it?

The parent's feelings are not the priority. Child welfare trumps the feelings of an adult. You don't know it's a "non-issue". It's not reporting it "for the sake of it" - its reporting something that seems not quite right and as elephant has repeatedly said, it's a case of looking at a broader picture.

Even kids in the full view of professionals like Daniel Pelka are being horrifically abused. There are households where shit is going on and the kids are totally hidden from outsiders. We all wish that every child is nurtured and loved and cared for by kind and balanced and sober adults.

yes children do that but surely not everyday for a year

Why not. My DS waits at an exact time for ten minutes sat on my bay window. Because a dogwalker with his favourite breed of dog walks by at that exact time. Anybody else who walks by at said time could wrongly assume he's been there hours.

Why not. My DS waits at an exact time for ten minutes sat on my bay window. Because a dogwalker with his favourite breed of dog walks by at that exact time.

Exactly. If you pass by at the same time every day, you can wrongly build up a picture.

If you are concerned, call and talk it through. If it's obviously batshit they won't do anything about it, but better safe than sorry. I feel sad thinking about the possibility the child is neglected now, and that the op might not call after all the comments here.

Even kids in the full view of professionals like Daniel Pelka are being horrifically abused

That was because the professionals didn't do a good enough job. Serious case reviews are not usually started when you've done a good job. I can't remember which case it was as there was a quick succession of serious case reviews in a short period but one even had the audacity to blame the school for not acting! The school had repeatedly shared their concerns and they were just ignored.

I've always said if you can make your face fit you can get away with anything. Even neglecting your parents. Someone once turned up for pickup as drunk as a skunk to pick their DCs up. No one even raised an eyebrow 'as Y is the nice lady who bakes cakes' or there's the other time when a parent who'd been banned from driving for a good few years. Drove their child to school every day for two years. The thing is about going after the smaller cases. They then miss cases like the above.

Hudson10 I'm also one of those still wearing t-shirts in November

I got a right lecture off my grandma at Christmas we not wearing a proper coat. I was wearing a thin shirt jacket thing. It IS a coat to me 😉

Thank you Cauliflower squeeze ( how did you come up with that user name?) If it is of any interest to anyone I have had SS knock on my door as my Ds1 had anger management issues at primary school. I was grateful for their concern but felt it was no biggie. They did too. I still don't understand why posters are trying to persuade OP not to go with their gut instinct. Maybe all parents ought to do the online abuse training.

This is the last story I read about a child staring out of a window constantly
None of mine do or did it and if they did it for more than a few minutes then I'd be concerned about my parenting or their health

That wasn't a story about a kid who stared out of a window.

I got a right lecture off my grandma at Christmas we not wearing a proper coat. I was wearing a thin shirt jacket thing. It IS a coat to me

Lol, I get that. "Aren't you cold? You're making me feel cold. It's snowing outside and -3 degrees!"
Me - "nope, I'm too hot."

This is the last story I read about a child staring out of a window constantly

I read that link. Nothing in it about a kid staring out the window. If there were I've clearly missed it!

Sorry got that last bit wrong. May be all adults should do the signs of abuse training. (and one of the signs are young children not wearing coats)

elephant

Based on the information the op has given.

What picture do you think she could be helping to build? She's given no description of the clothing no real description as to why she thinks he may not have been bathed for awhile, there is nothing other than

Doesn't wave or smile and looks a bit sad whilst looking out of window.

What picture is that little bit of info ever going to make someone else go BINGO it's all fallen into place now I know what's going on, let's react now?

and one of the signs are young children not wearing coats

Over zealous bollocks then, sorry. What would be your solution to a child who refuses to wear a coat? Even though they have plenty of them available? (Got loads of coats and jackets here, but eldest never wants to wear one and kicks it off.)
Obviously if they're on a long walk out and don't have a coat then fair enough. How do you know that though? How do you know they're not going to their friends a few doors down the street at the same time every day?
I hated wearing a coat when I was younger. I have a vivid memory of running about in freezing cold weather in the front garden and someone asking my mum "isn't she cold? Shouldn't she have a coat on?"
Me - nope. I'd have thrown it off as soon as she put it on. Even now as a fully grown adult, I walk in the snow in just my t-shirt.

Here's some more into
Torygraph link

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/3398485/Social-services-failed-to-visit-three-year-old-before-death.html

Passers-by recalled seeing Tiffany's lonely face staring from the window of the bedroom, in what may have been a desperate plea for help.

My own baby was born shortly after this which is why I recall it so clearly. Most pub goers and neighbours remarked on Tiffany staring out of the window for hours on end. Guardian link didn't mention it, my fault, I posted for factual article. Link above focuses more on the window part.