3year old standing at the window nearly everyday. What should I do?

[mumistheword14]

So for the past year my auntie's neighbour's child has been standing at the window nearly everyday looking sad. He looks like he hadn't had a bath in awhile and just stands there no matter the weather. There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him. Me and my 3year dd waved few times but he doesn't wave back or even smile.

I'm thinking about calling SS or to knock at the door saying something but I don't know how that will go. He looks so sad and neglected it's been a whole year maybe more that he's been left to stand there.

Also, it wouldn't be a fake report

It's hardly an accurate one is it, if it's reported that he never goes to the park or goes out - op has absolutely no way of knowing that and is wild speculation on the fact that she walks past a couple of times a week.

My 6yeAr old likes to stand at his bedroom window stark bollock naked, I've reminded him to put pants on if he going to wave at the neighbours.

He progressed to opening big window, I caught him by accident, now I can't find the fucking key I locked it with and none of the other window keys fit. As we had a big dispute as to why he wasn't allowed to climb out onto the low roof below window. He has always been nosey lifting nets up standing on windowsill upstairs and downstairs. I always shout get down as don't want neighbours knowing he's not out at the park

I've got 2 children ages 2yr and 3yr they both have an obsession with sitting on the windowsill and looking out at ppl walking past with there dogs or children we have a large window which comes to the floor and when its bed time they also tend to get out ov bed sneakily and look out the bedroom window does that mean they are being neglected no it means there being children intrigued with the outside

You have obviously never been reported to SS

Actually, we have. Well a safeguarding concern was raised in relation to my chidren as a result of another close family member and SS undertook an Initial Assessment.

They asked what I felt the appropriate action was and I told them. They were happy with that and closed the case but also said that, if they ever got wind that we weren't following that, then they would not hesitate to open an S47 and go for removal if necessary.

So yes, I do know what it's like to have them in the house, writing a report, making safe and well checks to the school and health (but without confirming that you are not the source of the concern). I also know what it's like to know that your children have records on the database. And what it's like to be questioned about everything from your financial position to your friends and support network, and to have your children 'questioned' in their bedrooms and away from you so that they can tick all the boxes that didn't really feel relevant at the time given that the concern wasn't about their dad or me at all.

I know the anxiety that you might say the wrong thing, or your child might inadvertently say something that raises an eyebrow, or that they might have felt that this person posed such a risk that they doubted our ability to safeguard and opened an S47 anyway...

And do you know what?

It was the right thing for them to have done. Because I knew that my children were safe with me, but they had come to the attention of the authorities and they had a duty of care to ensure that they were too.

It wasn't pleasant, but I was thankful that we have a system in this country that prioritises the welfare of children and seeks to keep them safe.

It made me a bit anxious for a while, but it's now a story I generally don't share and a report locked away in a box.

And, like I said, no harm done.

mum

In that case, call the NSPCC. You can do it completely anonymously and they gave a friend of mine great advice when she called.

The problem with not wanting to cause a family stress, is that the system is actually there to support families. If it actually gets as far as assessing a family, then either they will be deemed to not be in need of support or in need of support and that is put in place.

SS are generally not the enemy unless someone chooses to make them so.

I'm sorry but the posters downplaying the potential effects of an SS investigation need to check their privilege.

Totally agree TobascoToastie

The problem with not wanting to cause a family stress, is that the system is actually there to support families

Tell that to Shanay Walker. They decided to place her with the aubt her who killed her because her face fit. Had the Dad been allowed to have her she'd still be alive today but SS thought they knew best.

Yes SS are overworked and underpaid and have ridiculous backlogs, yes they are there mostly good but like everything there are good and bad in everything. SS are not infallible and they sometimes make mistakes/get taken in by highly manipulative people (Baby P).

I'm glad you had a good experience with them but that's not the same for everyone.

*aunt not aubt

I think it's on average 2 children a week are killed by their parents in the UK. People bring up Baby P as if it was some freaky event and that SS, unusually, weren't up to the mark. But in fact it happens all the time, for some reason Baby P hit the headlines.

Report it if you feel it doesnt appear normal behaviour and child appears 'neglected'. Children who are not school age are most at risk as they can be 'hidden' at home

Gloria that is horrific and so sad

Someone will come along in a minute saying "I live in the UK. Are you suggesting I will kill my children!????"

Feeling quite annoyed by some of the responses here.
The OP clearly feels concerned enough to raise this and yet some are being instantly dismissive.
It's irresponsible to mock her, or make light of it- what if this child is being neglected? The fact she visits infrequently yet the child is still sat there in the window makes it more concerning.
OP shouldnt knock on the door, it will take someone to go in and do a proper welfare check- not ops place and parent would probably just tell her to get lost or make out everything's ok- achieveing what exactly?
Op please ring SS or police, it won't take long for them to establish if this needs more looking into. Don't let people put you off making that call, it's not silly it's the right thing to do.

Child abusers don't put a sign outside their house- sometimes it's something subtle that may be a sign that we all have a responsibility to watch out for!

Missy, it's not dismissive to ask how often the OP actually sees the child in the window, or how she knows so surely he never gets taken to the park.

And surely 'The fact she visits infrequently yet the child is still sat there in the window' is the OPPOSITE of making it more concerning? If she was surveilling the house 24/7 and the child was there every day for weeks on end, or longer, hardly ever moving, that would be concerning. But the fact that she only sees the child infrequently leaves open a good possibility that, on all the occasions when she is NOT there, the child is elsewhere in the house or out.

My point is if she visits 2-3 times a week, what is the probability that at those exact same times the childs going to be sat there at same time by coincidence, Probably unlikely- which suggests he's sat there quite a lot of the time.
It is dismissive for people to mock her or try to automatically normalise something (e.g. By saying my child does this all the time..) which has obviously concerned her. Might cause her to think she'd be better off leaving it, when she really shouldn't

As a pp said, 'a kid looking out of a window when someone happens to walk past only tells us that the kid is looking out of the window when that person walks past'. It may well be just a coincidence.

People aren't normalising, just trying to put this in a bit of context/perspective by pointing out that they too have or know children who could be observed sitting alone looking out of a window.

It is not mocking or dismissive to urge a bit of caution.

From what op has said this isn't a one off, his presence at the window is of some duration and I don't buy that it's normal for a child to be sat at a window hours on end at that age. She said he looks dirty, wearing little clothing in winter. She should trust what she sees and go with her own instinct- she has witnessed it first hand. I don't it should be ignored or people put off reporting something that's concerned them. I wanted to tell her she should report it, based on what she's said I think it's a worthwhile call, even if it turns out to be nothing- rather that than some poor child's neglect being ignored.

An OP comes on worried about a child and some posters are taking the p**s.
Go with your gut OP.

The trouble is many people walk on by.
If he is a neglected child the best thing for him would be for someone to contact social services so at least they can check. If he is not neglected then all will be ok. If he is neglected etc then maybe someone actually not walking on by will help his situation.
If it doesn't feel right and your auntie walks by daily and he is always there, please contact SS and let them decide.
Too many people walk on by and don't care.

Missymoo I agree with you.

I forgot to add there are thousands of children being neglected or abused under the noses of friends, family and neighbours, well done for noticing him and actually thinking about what to do.
Some children die at the hands of their 'carers/family' and the signs were there all along but people chose to walk by...put it down to nothing...etc... maybe this is nothing but what if it is something and you did nothing...how would you feel then?
Ignore the posters who are mocking or taking the p - children do and are neglected all the time and need people to stand up and speak out for them

Could the op please just come back and say you've reported it?

Gloria that statistic is simply awful

And surely 'The fact she visits infrequently yet the child is still sat there in the window' is the OPPOSITE of making it more concerning?
The Aunt lives there and says he is always there when she passes the house daily.

Evil triumphs because good people do nothing.