3year old standing at the window nearly everyday. What should I do?

[mumistheword14]

So for the past year my auntie's neighbour's child has been standing at the window nearly everyday looking sad. He looks like he hadn't had a bath in awhile and just stands there no matter the weather. There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him. Me and my 3year dd waved few times but he doesn't wave back or even smile.

I'm thinking about calling SS or to knock at the door saying something but I don't know how that will go. He looks so sad and neglected it's been a whole year maybe more that he's been left to stand there.

Is there a way OP can record video of said child.

Not unless the OP wants to get arrested. There's laws against that sort of thing. No matter what your good intentions may be.

hudson I'm pretty sure unkempt is one of the newish fashionable terms being thrown about I've heard it a lot over the last year or so in the meetings I attend professionally.

It appears to be a catch all phrase intentionally designed to make things confusing and be used as filler. I've seen it applied to children and often mothers who look perfectly normal just not 'made up' never fathers tho.

Interestingly I've never heard it being chucked around when an attempt to describe genuine problematic personal care is being made.

I would be rather more concerned about a small child who never looked unkempt than I would about one who frequently did. Kids should get untidy and disheveled it's part of the fun of being a small kid.

I know pixie a few of mine do rugby.

Well I have come across a few (and thankfully far between) unkempt children, and thankfully not on the rugby pitch. Several students we have had to wash and tumble dry their uniforms, lost property were able to provide. On 15 year olds nits (3 times at least) so obvious you didn't have to go close to the child. Unkempt does not mean muddy, it means grubby every day.

I read both articles posted about the tragic death of Tiffany Wright. I would just like to copy a quote from the telegraph article:

The public, if they have concerns should never assume thaf the authorities will know about the children's circumstance.. Peter Ward (who was asked to review the case)

The message here is, if in doubt, report it.

Children under 5 are still the responsibility of the health visiting service.
A call to the local HV would be simpler and a vidit to the family by the HV far less threatening than SS.
The HV can check the child's records without involving anyone else.

@JetBoyJetGirl it can be horrible. My eldest DS (now 15) is autistic and when he was about 6 and my youngest was only a few days old, he had a melt down because I asked him to come indoors for bath time and he wouldn't. He screamed like a banshee. I had two other children to deal with and said he would need to stay in the garden until he could calm down. I had to feed baby DD and although it wasn't an ideal scenario any intervention on my part would have made things worse. He was safe, it was warm and dry and I kept an eye on him.

I was reported to social services for abuse. By anonymous neighbours.

I had a 6 day old newborn, an anxious 4y/o and an autistic 6 y/o. You bet that discussion with social services was damaging. I'm not s perfect parent but I never knew who made that call and it made me feel suspicious and paranoid that I was being observed and judged. That was nearly 10 years ago and it still makes me anxious.

Needless to say SS called, I explained the situation and they were happy to leave it there. Safeguarding is important but knee jerk reactions can be damaging. OP I would ask auntie to keep a log of times/dates to see if there is a pattern before you jump in with both feet.

Ds does this. He likes the light and coldness of being close to the window and watching the world go by. He wouldn't wave at anyone because he is severely autistic. He wears few clothes because he doesn't like them. The window is also the place he goes to when he is upset so he sometimes hits and bites himself there.
I wouldn't care though that someone called ss. They already know him.

On 15 year olds nits (3 times at least) so obvious you didn't have to go close to the child.

Ah you see. There's another problem. A friend of mine (keeping vague for obvious reasons). Once spotted a child with nits whilst helping out. They weren't specifically looking, just happened to see something move on said Childs head. Poor kid was absolutely riddled in them . Did the normal thing and informed staff. Staff informed friend they couldn't tell the parents as they couldn't explain how they'd found them

A call to the local HV would be simpler and a vidit to the family by the HV far less threatening than SS.

SS generally go through HV first anyway. If HV dont have any concerns it's usually not followed up. I don't know if this is still the rules but was when my DCs were young. My own HV told me this because I asked outright as had some not very good friends and some 'family' leave me paranoid this would happen to me (had bad PND after DS and it was their warped way of 'helping').

Unkempt does not mean muddy, it means grubby every day.

Well of course not but that's not what my friends were told at the latest course. Apparently. Turning up unkempt just once is enough. Unkempt is given a wide blanket explanation and included even if clothes weren't ironed. What happens if your iron breaks and you cant iron the uniforms in time? This happened to me once. If you drop your kid off at a breakfast club you wont have time to explain why your DC is looking a bit dishevelled one day. I remember one day DD insisted on doubt her hair herself. She looked like she'd been in a fight with a bush and the bush won. She still thought she looked cool. And still would have come under the current unkempt umbrella.

Wrong thread, sorry op ☺️

included even if clothes weren't ironed.

I never iron my clothes unless there's a job interview or something. I don't see the point unless they look like crumpled up paper.

OP why don't you knock on the door and ask if the boy/parent would like to come to the park with you and your dc? It would give you more indication of the situition?

I never iron my clothes unless there's a job interview or something.

I know many who don't. DCs go to a very naice school in a Middle Class area and many parents were horrified at the fact I still iron my DCs uniforms.

Apparently the secret a good tip is to chuck them in the tumble dryer and it comes out almost crease free.

How on earth can you tell that a child needs a bath from glimpsing them through a window as you walk past?
Mind you, if they have been stood there a year, I guess they are in need of a bath by now

Just a thought but has your aunt tried befriending the family?
Maybe popping in with something for the child, such as "I've accidentally made too much apple pie, would you like some?"

Or do people not do that anymore?

Ok people there is a simple solution to this problem. Because there are only two possible outcomes. Either the child is absolutely fine and enjoys a bit of window staring or S/he is in need of SS intervention. None of us knows the answer. So the options are :

Call NSPCC/SS and a perfectly adequate parent has a pointless check. A parent (adult) with anxiety is made more uncomfortable.

Or

A neglected child gets help.

Not hard really is it. ?
All those saying 'there's not enough information ' .. 'My kid does it - I wouldn't like it' It's ALL irrelevant. Children die everyday. After the event EVERY TIME neighbours 'didn't want to get involved' 'be thought of as interfering '.

DONT BE THAT PERSON OP.
If you think something is wrong then don't hesitate to report it. It's not your job to decide if it merits a visit. Leave that bit to the professionals. !

A parent (adult) with anxiety is made more uncomfortable.

If only it were that simple.

NeedsASockAmnesty the first time my cousin came back from a Rugby match, my aunt had to wash their kit umpteen times to even make them look vaguely clean again

How on earth can you tell that a child needs a bath from glimpsing them through a window as you walk past?

No idea insancerre. I grew up in the times where you had a bath on a Sunday evening before school. Because your Mum & Dad were always watching the water bill.
.
We must have stunk to high heavens come Friday in that class.

Report if you think you should but stick to the facts.

This^

I am shocked at some of the attitudes that I have read on here.

So because a couple of people have had a short conversation they found uncomfortable, they are advising someone else not to report something they are concerned about.

Can you not understand that someone else would report a child having seen the same as they saw in your family and have uncovered a whole load of abuse?

Rather than be pissed off that someone did it, you should be thankful that we have a child protection service in this country that, in many areas, works pretty well all things considered. You should be pleased that there are people who decide to report something they're concerned about, even if their concern in unfounded. You should be pleased that these reports are acted upon.

SWs know that many of the calls they receive will be something and nothing. They know that. They don't make those calls expecting to end up in court for an EPO to remove the child. They know that some people make malicious calls to get back at a friend who has pissed them off (it happens). They know that ex partners will make malicious calls to cause trouble. They know that a lot of things people see and report will have completely innocent explanations. They know that sometimes there will be more to it. They know that. And they are, in the main, skilled and experienced enough to be able to tell the difference.

Just because in your situation it wasn't a sign of abuse, in some people's it will be. It's not the concerned person's role to 'gather more evidence'. It's their responsibility to pass it on to someone who can.

Yes report the facts. But you don't have to have "hard evidence".

A 5 year old last year was beaten to death in a park not far from me by his mother's boyfriend for losing a shoe. It was late evening so it was dark. Quite a few people heard the whimpers and the noise of punching but assumed that the man was punching a gate in temper and walked on. They didn't realise that he was smashing the boy's head against a gate. But the man yelling and the boy whimpering was heard by several. They obviously reassured themselves that all kids get told off and that the noise was not harm to him.

Here's a girl at a window

www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/the-girl-in-the-window/750838

The passer by could have ignored it. Maybe she was shy. Maybe she was dressing up. She reported it and it was looked into. Her life was saved.