3year old standing at the window nearly everyday. What should I do?

[mumistheword14]

So for the past year my auntie's neighbour's child has been standing at the window nearly everyday looking sad. He looks like he hadn't had a bath in awhile and just stands there no matter the weather. There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him. Me and my 3year dd waved few times but he doesn't wave back or even smile.

I'm thinking about calling SS or to knock at the door saying something but I don't know how that will go. He looks so sad and neglected it's been a whole year maybe more that he's been left to stand there.

and one of the signs are young children not wearing coats

DS is ASD and often won't wear coats as be feels too constricted in them. He also happens to have his bloody mothers trait lf being able to walk around in snowfall in jeans and a jumper and still feeling hot.

Nicd go know I'd be on the abuse radar.

What about parents who saunter about in sundresses' in heatwaves whilst their kid boils in a parka in the buggy? Do they go on the same list?

What picture do you think she could be helping to build? She's given no description of the clothing no real description as to why she thinks he may not have been bathed for awhile, there is nothing other than Doesn't wave or smile and looks a bit sad whilst looking out of window.

Exactly! Not bathed for a while. Exactly how do you know this? Kids get mucky easily. (How much dirt can you tell they're wearing from a window walk past anyway?)
Doesn't wave or smile. You're a stranger. Do all 3 year olds wave happily at people through the window? Mine were shy at that age, they probably won't have waved at random passer bys.)

i think fewer adults should do very basic safeguarding courses.

Because then we will have fewer numpties who see a normal well cared for kid not wearing a coat in the middle of fucking June who then go off on a crusade.

Exactly how do you know this? Kids get mucky easily.

That reminds me. There's a lake near our house. Went for a walk one day with friends and their children. Their eldest who likes to clown about and make people laugh. Fell in the swampy bit! 😂 (he was find wasn't very deep at all). I'm sure he must have looked like the most neglected kid walking back to mine before he got washed and changed into something DS could lend him!!

NeedsAsock It doesn't really matter does it ? The Op has felt it necessary to post this, therefore the Op is concerned. If it is all fine then hurrah! At work I have to complete a purple form for any child I am concerned about. I haven't had to do many, but I did one recently and noted that she had an appointment with CAHMS. It might have been my call or it might have been something completely different. It doesn't matter as long as we are keeping children safe.

To be fair. The clothing isn't particularly irrelevant. I am good friends with a foster couple who have to regularly go on these safeguarding courses tk keep up to date. Apparently one of the red flags is a child looking 'unkempt'.

OP - as others have said, follow your instincts.

Reading all this shocked. Why not to approach parents first? If you know nothing about the family how could you assume that's neglect.

If you are concerned, why not to talk to the parents first? At least.

Can imagine how you guys feel after being reported. I'd be mortified and would consider moving to the other country

This thread is kind of scarry. I don't understand this kind of running to extremes (turn blind eye/report someone with little evidence) . There are other options in-between, like asking parents first, imho.

OP please report it!!

The old town I lived in on the same road years ago a little boy always sat in the living room window as we'd walk past most days, it did concern me slightly but again like most thought he's probably just staring out the window, one day I walked past and he was bawling his eyes out and looked filthy again just staring out the window at us, I actually stopped and stood outside the house thinking to knock or not, I didn't because it could of been he's just been told off. I regret not knocking or reporting it.

When I looked at him it didn't sit right with me, all kids get told off and cry but something just didn't seem right. I found out a few weeks later a lady from a couple of doors down from little boy had thought the same and reported it, I think a few people did. He did get taken into care he was 4. Please report it I cannot stress enough It could be nothing, BUT it could be a poor child getting abused/neglected! I regret not reporting sooner so much and this thread has made me feel really sad!

Is there a way OP can record video of said child. How long would a nap top or phone pointed at the window run?

I just cannot understand people finding anything to laugh about here. pre-school children are easily overlooked as they aren't seeing teachers etc regularly. An underdressed dirty-looking child who doesn't smile and spends large amounts of time just staring out of a window is concerning.

spends large amounts of time just staring out of a window is concerning

Seriously. Just how much is a niece visiting their aunty seeing of the aunty's next door neigbhour to build up an accurate picture of the child being there hours daily?!
They'd have to be there every day and watching constantly.

cross ;post with hugh

The problem, OP, is that what you're claiming (the child stands there for hours, the child is never taken out, the child wears inadequate clothes in winter) contradicts what you're stating (you only ever see the child for a brief moment walking by, you only ever see the child indoors). It's hard to reconcile those contradictory statements.

There is simply no evidence of anything "not right." There could be any number of psychological reasons why the OP has fixated on this child. MN puts great store in the idea of "trust your gut" but studies have shown that all kinds of subconscious biases and memories influence "gut feeling." (There are plenty of people whose "gut instinct" is that every black kid is a threat.) It's quite possible something about the house or child is triggering some kind of unconscious traumatic memory, and that's why the OP finds looking at the child upsetting.

I feel a great deal of sympathy towards the posters who were abused and neglected as children, but there is massive projection going on. People saying "My kid stares out of the window" are not projecting, but making a simple statement of fact, ie pointing out that staring out a window is a very normal thing to do.

False SS reports CAN cause harm. They take up valuable resources, and in extreme cases can harm families. (I really don't understand the posts claiming that a mother's mental well-being is somehow totally irrelevant to the safety and happiness; a mother's emotional stability is essential in raising children!)

Okay imaging this (hypothetical, but based on real experience) scenario: the kid is perfectly healthy and happy, just likes to look out the window for his favourite doggy every afternoon. But his mum grew up in care and had PND, which means she's "known" to SS. Normally they'd ignore "I saw a kid looking out the window" but because the mum's already on their radar they go round. She's struggled her whole life to get over the stigma of being in care, having SS round just because her kid likes to look at doggies causes her to suffer depression and anxiety. Meanwhile the neighbours saw SS visit and start gossiping. Maybe the gossip causes her to lose work. Maybe it causes family discord. Maybe marital problems ensue. Things get worse from there.

You could just as easily damage a family as save an abused child.

I am saying this as a survivor of familial child abuse, and I am also a registered child chaperone who has had child protection and sign of abuse training.

It does matter elephant if there is something of concern the op needs to be able to describe what that concern is. She needs to be clear she needs to be factual and she needs to have something real.

If she doesn't no picture gets built and real issues get ignored because they do not qualify as a concern.

Have I understood correctly that you have made a safeguarding referral because a kid has a cahms appointment? No other reason just an appointment

Op. The main, over-riding message from all agencies is - if you are worried about a child report it. End of.

To be fair. The clothing isn't particularly irrelevant. I am good friends with a foster couple who have to regularly go on these safeguarding courses tk keep up to date. Apparently one of the red flags is a child looking 'unkempt'

And you just attached a "red flag" (I hate that term for how it changes how we view things) for abuse to about 90% of small children.

This is the exact reason why I hate those courses.

Unkempt would describe almost every single small child I have encountered recently mainly because they are small kids who have been playing. Say what you mean dirty smelly the type of dirty and smelly that indicates no personal care being undertaken as opposed to unkempt because when you don't is when ridiculous occurs

hugh the op shouldn't be further investigating at all.

All she needs to do is actually be able to express why it concerned her.

No, NeedsAsockamnesty I did the form and then noticed on SIMS that the student had the CAHMS appointment. I don't know if that was anything to do with my 'purple form' but this is what needs to be done, everybody giving bits of information if they are concerned.

And you just attached a "red flag" (I hate that term for how it changes how we view things) for abuse to about 90% of small children

Yep.Unkempt is a huge umbrella. Just goes to show on here it can mean any child refusing to wear a coat, looking a bit dirty...
Surely any child who'd been playing out all day would fall into that category?
Mine can look filthy when been out as they like playing and wrestling outdoors playing football with each other.
Which automatically means their hair can make them look like Worzel Gummidge's relative on any given day after playing
Lumping well cared for and loved kids in a blanket umbrella... no.

Fair enough elephant it had sounded like the appointment was your concern and that boggled me a fair bit.

And you just attached a "red flag" (I hate that term for how it changes how we view things) for abuse to about 90% of small children.

Yep. NeedsASockAmnesty but that's what I was trying to say. My friends were saying how ridiculous it was and how overzealous these rules are. My instance could have been sorted out with a quick phone call home for her usual medicine. They chose to make a thing of it instead.

If you'd seen some of the states some kids roll home in after sporting events (whatever you do do NOT let them take up Rugby! ). Then that's at least 90% ticking that unkempt box. How likely is it that all 90% are being neglected?

For those who think parenting courses and parenting courses are the bees knees. I once sat in on a SENS parenting class where the teacher told a parent that 'these kids are very good at manipluating you'.