3year old standing at the window nearly everyday. What should I do?

[mumistheword14]

So for the past year my auntie's neighbour's child has been standing at the window nearly everyday looking sad. He looks like he hadn't had a bath in awhile and just stands there no matter the weather. There's a park 1min walk from the House and no one bothers to take him. Me and my 3year dd waved few times but he doesn't wave back or even smile.

I'm thinking about calling SS or to knock at the door saying something but I don't know how that will go. He looks so sad and neglected it's been a whole year maybe more that he's been left to stand there.

My youngest loves going outside in the rain and would quite often go into the back garden in her nightie in the cold and the wet to experience the rain on her.

So if someone reported you for neglecting your kids on the basis of you letting your child out in her nighty in the cold and rain you'd be OK with that?
Maybe you might be, but an otherwise loving mum could suffer major anxiety over over-zealous reporting like that.
I'm assuming the difference between your scenario and your mum's though is that you presumably have the door left open for your little one when she's out in her nighty in the cold and rain, and haven't actually shut the door and locked her out?

To those who are saying their children look out the window, how often do they do that?.
Do you let them stand there in the winter with little clothing for hours?.

My small literally spends hours like this, with the dog, in the rain. Mom idea what the neigbours think!

You and Aunt probably go past at the same times every day. Try going to hours later and see where he is.

My small literally spends hours like this, with the dog, in the rain. Mom idea what the neigbours think!

Aw, cute. Make sure she's smiling when she does it though, as if she and the dog have a sorrowful look you'll be reported to social services.

Do you let them stand there in the winter with little clothing for hours?

Just because its winter it doesn't mean its cold inside.

My son loves to stand looking out the window. He also manages to come home every night bogging from whatever he has been doing all day. He is well looked after and does lots of activities and gets a 🛀 every night.

UP report it. Better safe than sorry

So if someone reported you for neglecting your kids on the basis of you letting your child out in her nighty in the cold and rain you'd be OK with that?

If that person genuinely believed that I was neglecting her, and the LA felt it were appropriate to conduct a safe and well check, then yes, I'd just have to take it.

But no one ever has.

Just like no one did when I was the child standing outside in the rain.

Just like no one did when I made several obvious (now looking back) attempts to reach out to the adults around me to notice. Because sometimes a child doesn't realise what is happening is wrong, they just know they feel sad. And they are hoping that the one of the adults around them will just notice how sad they are and help them.

How often do you visit your aunt? Do you always visit at the same time or do you pop in & out on different times & at different days? That is, how often do you see this child and how long for?
Is your aunt at home a lot? What is the neighbourhood like? Could you tell your aunt of your concerns, your aunt tell some neighbours & between them they monitor the situation? You then might have a better understanding of the situation as a pattern might emerge & that may steer you as to what to do next.,

Why don't you invite them to the park and see what happens?

Do you let them stand there in the winter with little clothing for hours?

Little clothing? Have I missed something or is that a dripfeed?
Anyway, how do you know it's hours when it's your auntie's next door neighbour's child?
Do you spend hours watching the child at the window every day to know this?

JetBoyJetGirl

And that's why better safe than sorry

Whilst I was typing that, a few more posts appeared. Where in the world are you? I ask as few children would have been wearing winter clothes today. It has chucked it down all day where we are & my DC have been in t-shirt & shorts; at home as toddlers I struggled to get them to wear anything other than pants/a nappy. They also spent up to two hours every Monday morning staring out of the window waiting for the bin lorry & Sainsbury delivery &, as they were at home, would only have been in pants or a nappy. If you had visited every Monday, this is what you world have seen. Visit on another day or at another time and the DC would have been at nursery, a toddler activity or out & about with me.

So have you really witnessed him standing there hours? For days on end? How often are you over at your aunties to know that he's in the window for hours every day?
How do you know he never gets taken to the park? That bit makes no sense, do you know the child's parents?

Sometimes you have to trust your instincts. There's a slight chance that there's a child who is neglected. I would ring the NSPCC for advice. On its own looking out a window is normal behaviour but there is something about this child which has made you worried. If it's nothing then fine.

Exactly, Momma x

Mine is at the window every day. Literally every day, at some point, will be at the window. My house is quite warm, so often in a nappy or t-shirt. She just loves watching the world go by. When we come inside from outside, she likes to look at where we just were outside. When DH goes out she goes to the window to see if she can see him. She likes looking at everybody going past.
She has probably waved back to somebody once, other than that she won't. She's just in her own little world looking out the window.
She's very happy (everybody comments on how happy she is when we're out, but she just doesn't wave at the window unless she has seen somebody we know. She's certainly not neglected. She just likes the window and my house is always too warm.
I've heard of people saying things like this about kids looking out windows and it makes me worried sometimes when she's standing there because who knows what people will be thinking. Obviously some will be thinking she's neglected and we don't go to the park. Scary.

If you seriously think something is up with the situation I sure as shit hope you can explain why.

If you rang me and could only verbalise a small child looking out of a window perhaps looking grubby I would wonder if you had problems.

Use your words to describe why it makes you feel the way it did rather than a load of old nonsense.

I think I would knock on the door next time and ask if he wants to come to the park with you and your child.
Then you'd get more of a feel for what's actually going on.

I think there are people on here whose children like to look out of the window (as all children do, let's be fair) and are hearing a veiled criticism of themselves and feel the need to defend their family.

That's fine. That's great. Lots of little children like to look out of the window. Of course they do. But there is something about this child that has caught the attention of the OP and her family.

Just because your child is happy does not mean this child is happy. And if no one has raised a concern regarding your child, it is probably because there is nothing about your child that is ringing alarm bells for other people. However the OP is a little concerned about this child. Who is most likely not your child.

I've heard of people saying things like this about kids looking out windows and it makes me worried sometimes when she's standing there because who knows what people will be thinking. Obviously some will be thinking she's neglected and we don't go to the park. Scary.

It is worrying, when you feel you have to stop your child looking out the window because sometimes there will be people passing who are ready to ring up SS and put in a concern over neglect which could mean a visit or a phone call.
An auntie's next door neighbour's niece surely isn't there every day, and watching for hours.
Don't know about anyone else, but even in winter our house has the central heating whacked up full so it's always warm in here regardless of the weather outside!

Does he stand at his own window looking out or is he outside your aunt's window looking in?*

But there is something about this child that has caught the attention of the OP and her family.

• looks out of the window - so?
• never gets taken to the park (how can you even begin to know that?)
• doesn't wave back (do all 3 year olds wave at strangers? Mine didn't as were quite shy with people they didn't know well.)

From what's been posted, nothing jumps out as being concerning.