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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About nursery

193 replies

Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 14:26

My son attends nursery 4 days a week. They've had no problem with keeping him later than needed (had a baby 4 month ago, no other childcare). They've kept him until 4 before. I asked for them to have him for an hour extra today.
I was suppose to collect him at 1, realised at 12.17 that I was in enough time to collect him early. Went to nursery, manager let me into the building but my son's key worker, said to never ask them to have my son later again unless I can prove what I am doing such as an appointment and that it really isn't on
I'm quite taken aback, who is BU?

OP posts:

Milkshakebelly · 25/07/2017 12:41

No - I've read the whole thread and still think YABIU. My DD was at nursery whilst I had my DS. I was working part time and I had complications after birth which made it very difficult for me to drive. Never once was I late for pick up or ask for additional hours. What your nursery did for you was incredibly kind so for you to moan about now being told you can't do this is really shitty and the fact that you may have potentially got that key worker in trouble is baffling! You post in AIBU then when you told you are BU you get annoyed?! You sound like hard work OP.

QuackDuckQuack · 25/07/2017 13:04

I'd hide the thread OP. Just because someone else never asked for additional nursery hours, doesn't mean it is wrong for you to ask. And given that you have been dealing with the manager, there is no reason not to check again with her. You don't sound like hard work to me, just a normal mum having a fairly tough time. One of the roles of nurseries is to support children and by extension families. Yes, they need to look after their business model too, but that isnt part of your role.

Notreallyarsed · 25/07/2017 14:19

What your nursery did for you was incredibly kind so for you to moan about now being told you can't do this is really shitty and the fact that you may have potentially got that key worker in trouble is baffling

I didn't read it as OP moaning, it read to me like she was really upset that she'd been told off and couldn't understand why they hadn't just said something before. Everyone, when going through tough stuff, is a lot more sensitive than usual, and a bit of understanding goes a long way.

comedycentral · 25/07/2017 14:35

I can't believe how harsh some posters are being to you OP, you are clearly having a really tough time. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I would honestly step away from this thread now as some people seem to be really enjoying kicking you when you are down.

FWIW I think the nursery isn't very clear about their policies and it seems that there are some rules one day and different rules for another.

Be kind to yourself OP, I hope you feel better soon.

gingergenius · 25/07/2017 14:44

It sounds like a misunderstanding - they offered you free childcare for a temporary period and that offer is now closed but you hadn't realised that and the manner in which it was said was possibly a bit abrupt. You've clearly suffered some kind of loss (if I'm reading your post right)? I suggest you have a word with the nursery manager, explain that you had thought it was ok based on the prior discussion, just so you can clarify the arrangements and avoid future misunderstanding. Sorry you're going through a tough time x

ClarkWGriswold · 25/07/2017 15:48

I'd love to know where this manna from heaven free nursery is.

Original poster

Caramacloverr · 25/07/2017 17:09

Manager has already said it was ok
If key worker is in trouble maybe she should speak to her boss
And actually key worker is just the main person in charge of my son, it doesn't mean she gets to dictact when he is in nursery or not
I spoke to one of the other parents and she said nothing was said to her about not allowing additional hours now, she went and sat in spoons for a drink then collected her child at 4 and it wasn't a problem

OP posts:

Notreallyarsed · 25/07/2017 17:14

I spoke to one of the other parents and she said nothing was said to her about not allowing additional hours now, she went and sat in spoons for a drink then collected her child at 4 and it wasn't a problem

For PP, THIS is an example of taking the piss out of the nursery, not the OPs situation,

Wickmum75 · 25/07/2017 17:24

I've read the whole thread and, whilst I'm sorry you're having a tough time, I still think YABU.
They need to pay their staff and stay within legal ratios. They did you a huge favour once, you shouldn't expect it again. Perhaps the key worker had to miss lunch to stay within ratios and then you turned up earlier than you said. I'd love to know what kind of setting this is where parents expect free childcare, I don't see how they can be breaking even!
I've worked in preschools and private nurseries and short notice extra childcare is a logistical nightmare

Starlight2345 · 25/07/2017 17:41

Is your friend paying for these extra hours.. I would agree this is one reason it would stop.Parent comes in smelling of booze after they have worked over.

Rossigigi · 25/07/2017 17:45

You are taking the piss out of them totally no wonder they are annoyed!!!

Skylark678 · 25/07/2017 17:48

You are taking advantage. I'm sorry your having a rubbish time at the moment but you need to organise your time better. My DD nursery have a policy that if your late collecting even by 1 minute you have to pay £5 per minute you are late.

demirose87 · 25/07/2017 17:50

Sorry haven't read through the whole thread, so apologies if I say whats already been said, but I think both you and the nursery are partly to blame. The nursery is a business, which means you are paying to use them as a service. That means they lose money by letting you have free sessions. If they do it for you they have to do it for everyone. I've worked in a few nurseries over the years and my own children have attended nursery and if anyone needed extra hours, it was always paid for in advance. If parents were consistently late picking up their children they were fined £5. However, it is unprofessional of them to say you can do this, and then change their mind and reprimand you for it. I don't know why they have ever said it was ok. P.s. Im sorry you've been through a hard time, I appreciate how hard it is for you

drspouse · 25/07/2017 17:54

I do think you are all being unduly harsh.

When the OP was having her baby nursery OFFERED to have him and when she asked to pay they said no it was free.

When she had a hospital appointment they other day she asked if she could use one extra hour, the nursery manager said yes and the nursery manager repeated later that it was fine for her DS to stay later.

Only one nursery worker thinks she is not allowed to use extra hours. She was quite rude and incorrect - her manager set the OP straight - and as far as we know the OP still has some right for some free hours.

My supposition is they allow extra free hours if they are well within ratios and additional children won't affect that. Or, as a PP has said, it's possible that Sure Start provides additional hours to support particular parents - who may have invisible needs.

I was unwell about 18 months ago and off work. My DD had free nursery hours. Some of you here seem to be saying that rather than leave her in nursery for the free hours (and the paid ones I couldn't cancel) and taking it easy, going to cafes, gentle walks to build up my strength, and getting on top of the housework that I didn't manage when very ill, I should have not left her in nursery because sitting having a drink while your child is in nursery is taking the piss?

muddlefuck · 25/07/2017 18:05

So you think you're NOT being unreasonable now? Unbelievable

LetsSplashMummy · 25/07/2017 18:10

Too many people here are projecting their private nursery experiences onto the council system. I also have a child at a not full council nursery and a few parents have experienced grief, illness, new babies etc. and the staff have offered as much support as people need. I'm lucky to have a husband whose job pay compassionate leave in these circumstances but I don't resent anyone else having a little bit of help when things are hard.

OP, you are not taking anything from anyone else. If extra staff were needed or other kids were being refused they wouldn't offer. Take any help you need, be kind to yourself and don't let a little misunderstanding get you down.

LetsSplashMummy · 25/07/2017 18:22

The reason the council can offer this is that their job isn't to provide minimum ratio childcare like a business, but to try and close the attainment gap and help prepare kids for school. Kids at these nurseries often have other problems, like a chronically ill parent or sibling with additional needs, for example, so the nursery is doing its job by helping support that child and stop it falling behind because of life circumstance.

It is also probably a more satisfying work environment, so the staff who want to work in childcare probably enjoy being able to help. Nobody is losing anything here, it isn't costing more to offer this flexibility.

Original poster

Caramacloverr · 26/07/2017 10:32

Exactly, just because your nursery charges, doesn't automatically make me U when the nursery have said before additional hours do not need to be paid for
No I don't think I am after speaking to the manager. She has no problem allowing additional hours, she must be aware she needs extra staff to do so but that it also doesn't seem a problem otherwise she would say no.
I can't work over 16 hrs as I wouldn't have anybody to have my children for the extra hour, I can only work with what I've got. And I think working with a relatively new baby and no partner is itself an accomplish ment

OP posts:

Notreallyarsed · 26/07/2017 10:42

I honestly can't believe that you're still getting a hard time OP, I think it's unfair that you are. And you're right, projecting on to you isn't fair.

hasitcometothis33 · 26/07/2017 15:02

The manager may have no issue with you having extra hours (who'd want to upset a client after all?) but that doesn't mean the tired, stressed out, poorly paid nursery staff should be happy with doing extra work (and taking on extra stress and extra risk) for no extra money.

YoullShootYourEyeOut · 26/07/2017 15:05

YABVU expecting extra, free child care whenever you feel like it.

MsFannyHare · 26/07/2017 16:02

The manager may have no issue with you having extra hours (who'd want to upset a client after all?) but that doesn't mean the tired, stressed out, poorly paid nursery staff should be happy with doing extra work (and taking on extra stress and extra risk) for no extra money.

That is a problem between the manager and the staff and nothing to do with the OP or the other parents.

hasitcometothis33 · 26/07/2017 16:44

Yep. Parents don't need to consider how their behaviour affects the staff. Servants that they are

MsFannyHare · 26/07/2017 16:47

No they don't, not when it has nothing to do with them.

QuackDuckQuack · 26/07/2017 16:57

Yep. Parents don't need to consider how their behaviour affects the staff. Servants that they are

So should the OP not ask when having personal difficulties, for fear upsetting the nursery workers, only to see the manager allowing extra hours and other parents using them for a trip to the pub?

The point of having managers at work is for them to be able to see the whole picture and be able to make decisions based on that.

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