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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About nursery

193 replies

Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 14:26

My son attends nursery 4 days a week. They've had no problem with keeping him later than needed (had a baby 4 month ago, no other childcare). They've kept him until 4 before. I asked for them to have him for an hour extra today.
I was suppose to collect him at 1, realised at 12.17 that I was in enough time to collect him early. Went to nursery, manager let me into the building but my son's key worker, said to never ask them to have my son later again unless I can prove what I am doing such as an appointment and that it really isn't on
I'm quite taken aback, who is BU?

OP posts:
Lostinaseaofbubbles · 25/07/2017 07:30

Maybe the Keyworker had something of her own going on and had somewhere to be and all the extra hours people had been offered prevented her leaving or something.

If you ran it past the manager then it doesn't sound like you have anything to apologise for. An understated "sorry for any problems caused by the extra time on Monday" if you feel you absolutely must, and then leave it there.

I'd clarify with the manager what the policy on extra hours is. But to be honest, if she's giving away free hours to everyone it doesn't sound much like she has any idea how to run a nursery.

CocoLoco87 · 25/07/2017 07:34

YANBU. Your nursery seems to have quite a relaxed attitude to late pickups etc and has shown you goodwill before. So I also would assume that this goodwill is available again. Maybe the person who spoke to you was having a bad day and doesn't agree with how the nursery operates and took it out on you? Sorry for what you are going through Flowers

muddlefuck · 25/07/2017 08:48

You're taking the absolute piss but at least you've realised

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 25/07/2017 10:30

Well I went to the nursery today and spoke to the manager. She said it was never a problem for yesterday and I shouldn't have been told that it was. Due to the circumstances they are keeping him in until 2 today so that I can have some rest

OP posts:
justkeepswimmingg · 25/07/2017 10:43

AIBU is brutal at times OP. I learnt the hard way (using an old username), and have vowed never to post my problems here again. Sorry you received so many negative posts.
I've worked in many nurseries, and I've never heard of a nursery agreeing to free childcare. You're very lucky that they're understanding. The key worker had no right to speak to you like that. All I can think of is possibly they were left with too many children to staff (ratio wise). It's not uncommon for some managers to turn a blind eye to this, sadly. That being said it was only 17 minutes, and it sounded like she over reacted. No excuse but working in a nursery can be extremely stressful at times, and maybe she took that out on you. Glad you spoke with the manager this morning, hopefully you receive an apology from the key worker today.
I'm sorry you're going through some problems, and I really hope things start to improve for you.
Just to say.. well done OP I think you're doing a great job Flowers.

Milkshakebelly · 25/07/2017 10:46

I'm actually completely aghast at your attitude - you have royally taken the piss and used their good will gesture and pissed all over it. Then you have he balls to complain to the nursery!!! My god, talk about self importance

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 25/07/2017 10:51

Pardon milkshake? I never complained. I spoke to the manager about yesterday, do you even read my posts? The manager said it wasn't even a problem! So I don't think I'm BU now.
It is brutal but I'm not in sound mind right now but posters must have missed where I said I have a new baby, and I'll be needing a d&c and I'm currently working!

OP posts:
Original poster
Caramacloverr · 25/07/2017 10:54

I might as well just stop putting my son to nursery, never mind the fact it was expressed to me before that additional hours were not a problem and not charged for
It's enough just getting out of bed in the morning
Maybe I shouldn't have posted yes but I didn't realise I would get such a harsh posts back, the first couple of comments about my feelings/problems not being the posters point of consideration was just lovely

OP posts:
Babbitywabbit · 25/07/2017 10:56

I'm just amazed at the very relaxed approach your nursery has had so far. I've never heard of this. Most nurseries I know charge a (high) rate for every 15 minutes lateness.

Sounds as if you've resolved it for now, but I suspect the underlying issue is that the nursery have allowed a situation to develop out of goodwill but are actually realising now that it's not very fair or tenable due to planning, staff ratios and also the key workers (who ultimately are in the front line rather than the manager) having their own commitments

PuckeredAhole · 25/07/2017 10:57

Ffs nursery is not a free babysitting service. Who do you think you are OP?!

The sense of entitlement of some people is astounding.

Phosphorus · 25/07/2017 10:58

It sounds as though the manager is a bit of a sop.

The extra hours must be a problem for the staff, in terms of ratios, planning, actual money - as evidenced by the fact that the key worker spoke up.

You are getting an astonishingly good deal now (free hours!?), but if the staff revolt, and the manager can't bring up/deal with these issues properly, you'll soon need a new nursery.

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 25/07/2017 11:05

Well surely the manager would realise there isn't enough staff then? As it were when I went to pick my son up there was 3 kids there (one being mine) and 5 members of staff. Today is there is 8 children and 6 members of staff, 3 of those children will be staying later than 12, 1 member of staff will leave at 12 leaving 5 again to monitor the 3 children which seems like plenty to me

OP posts:
Phosphorus · 25/07/2017 11:09

But how are they to be paid?

I'd imagine they key worker knows that free hours = no job, even if the manager is crap.

Have you not read of all the nurseries closing overnight (literally, with no warning to parents)?

You'd be properly fucked then.

Just pay for the hours you use, and give a reasonable amount of notice.

Onslow · 25/07/2017 11:11

FFS can some posters fucking read? OP has said she isn't coping, she's having a traumatic time and she thinks she's a failure and your response is to tell her she's entitled and taking the piss? FFS.

I'm sorry OP. It sounds like you're having a very tough time. AIBU is not a good place when you're down.

Phosphorus · 25/07/2017 11:14

I've read it.

Plenty of people are going through the same, or worse.

They don't feel it gives them carte blanche to use services they are not paying for.

Especially after the key workers point out how unreasonable they are being.

SilverBirchTree · 25/07/2017 11:15

OP, I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

But you must see that you're asking a lot of the nursery staff. It's a low paying job, and it isn't fair on them to do extra work for free.

It was incredibly generous of them to provide free care while you had your baby. But I think you would be unreasonable to impose any further on their kindness.

If you genuinely aren't coping, then look to other services for support. It's not the nurseries role to provide that level of support, no matter how needy you feel.

I hope things get better for you soon.

livefornaps · 25/07/2017 11:18

I hope you get some rest away from the shit show that is this thread

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 25/07/2017 11:19

Nurserys are closing, tell that to the other 2 parents who are keeping their kids in until 4pm without paying for those extra hours. It's not just me

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 25/07/2017 11:20

Is this a sure start nursery and are the additional hours being paid by social services. Friend received extra hours when she suffered with mental health issues organised by social services

Notreallyarsed · 25/07/2017 11:20

*I've read it.

Plenty of people are going through the same, or worse. They don't feel it gives them carte blanche to use services they are not paying for. Especially after the key workers point out how unreasonable they are being.*

That was unnecessarily harsh. OP hasn't been asked for payment, and hasn't said she wouldn't pay. A bit of compassion for someone going through a really shit time wouldn't go amiss.

Notreallyarsed · 25/07/2017 11:20

Ugh bold fail

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 25/07/2017 11:33

I know you're having a hard time but it's not on to take it out on other posters who are simply pointing out that you should be exceptionally gratefully that you have the support of the nursery. They are a business and going above and beyond for you. I suggested a box of chocolates and you said you'd given recently but they're still doing more for you, so I think you should give more also.

I wonder if the manager agrees but forgets that it's not her who has to do the actual grunt work. I reckon this will all stop soon anyway when the 30 hours comes in.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time but really, the nursery have been nothing but amazing.

Groovee · 25/07/2017 11:49

If it was lunch time and children were still having lunch it may have been you turning up early that was the problem. The answering the door while other staff are on lunch may have left them short in a room.

I don't think you were being attacked by the staff.

BenedictCumberbeyatch · 25/07/2017 11:53

OP hide this thread, people are just being nasty to you because it's AIBU and it's frequently the home of the ex school bully who misses kicking people when they're down.
The nursery are happy with how things are and have said that the key worker made a mistake in what she said and that's all that matters.
Other people's opinions on how the nursery should run its business are really irrelevant and pointless, the nursery have decided on an extra service that they offer to parents at no charge, that's up to them and berrating you for taking up that service is frankly stupid and particularly spiteful knowing what you're going through right now, I can imagine posters are doing so because they get some sort of sick enjoyment from trying to make vulnerable people feel worse.

MsPassepartout · 25/07/2017 12:02

While I agree that offering free hours is an odd way to run a nursery, it's not really fair to blame parents, including OP, for taking free hours if the nursery manager is offering them.

If the nursery were to run into financial or staffing problems because of this, it'd be the fault of the nursery manager for giving away free hours, not the fault of parents for accepting her offer.

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