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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About nursery

193 replies

Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 14:26

My son attends nursery 4 days a week. They've had no problem with keeping him later than needed (had a baby 4 month ago, no other childcare). They've kept him until 4 before. I asked for them to have him for an hour extra today.
I was suppose to collect him at 1, realised at 12.17 that I was in enough time to collect him early. Went to nursery, manager let me into the building but my son's key worker, said to never ask them to have my son later again unless I can prove what I am doing such as an appointment and that it really isn't on
I'm quite taken aback, who is BU?

OP posts:
thefutureisfemale · 24/07/2017 14:40

@Caramacloverr I'm sorry you're going through something but your feelings isn't mine nor the nurseries responsibility.
Pick your child up at the correct time.

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 14:40

I was in hospital too today actually. I don't think AIBU is the place for me today, everything is just going to make me feel worse. Have expected that IBU

OP posts:
HeyRoly · 24/07/2017 14:42

They are, ultimately, a business and can't afford to give you ad hoc extra hours just because you didn't organise your time adequately today.

I'm afraid you were very, very cheeky. And no doubt they want to nip it in the bud before you make it a regular thing.

coolaschmoola · 24/07/2017 14:44

It sounds to me like they helped you out and today they thought you had something you had to do. Because you then turned up early you gave the impression that actually you were available but had just asked them to have him... Hence why next time they want proof of what you are doing - to prove you aren't just at home having extra child free time at their expense.

In short they clearly think that you have taken the piss. Tbh I think you have too.

hasitcometothis33 · 24/07/2017 14:44

Why should nursery workers on minimum wage work for free? Why should the nursery allow itself to be out of ratio?

The staff member was safeguarding the children as well themselves and other staff by making the point about lateness.

Noodledoodledoo · 24/07/2017 14:45

I am also in the YABU camp - when I had my second child (we also have zero help nearby), I spoke to nursery about my eldest being able to be added in at short notice and arranged for alternative people to collect them (either my Dad from 4 hours away or our babysitter who can't help during the day due to her nannying job).

None of this would I have assumed would be for free, I hate being late for pick up and in 2 years its happened twice - and a max of 5 minutes each time.

As others have said they have probably had to rejig staffing, breaks, lunch etc to accomdate your request today. Perhaps you need to offer to pay for extra time and book it officially. They are a business and need to make money.

Witsender · 24/07/2017 14:46

I'm amazed they took him for free. Even more that you think it is ok because you provided lunch and nappies. 😂

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 14:47

It was their idea to have my child in nursery until 4pm and told me that there wouldn't be a charge for it

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 24/07/2017 14:48

YABU. Whatever you're going through, they are a business, not a friend doing you a favour.

If you want extra time you have to tell them more than a day in advance and pay them for it.

Steeley113 · 24/07/2017 14:52

I cannot believe what I am reading. You're very entitled. What do you think will happen when he goes school? That you can pick up and drop off as you please?

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 24/07/2017 14:53

I'm sorry that you're facing difficult circumstances, and it sounds like they have been more generous than many nurseries would be with last minute extensions. It is normal practice to pay the full rate for extra time arranged in advance, and additional fees for being late.

I've picked up on days where clusters of parents have been caught up in problems on the dual carriageway and staff will stay until the children can be safely collected, but that's at the cost their own time and personal commitments. Even on short days, the rota will have been drawn up on the expected ratio and will be affected by morning/ afternoon shifts/ lunchtime.

My nursery was unable to accommodate DS without notice when I went into (false) labour and he had to come to the hospital while we waited for a friend to leave work and travel to us.

They're not being personal. It's the realistic constraints of running a business.

seven201 · 24/07/2017 14:54

It probably mucked up the ratios for when the staff have their lunch breaks. If I'm one minute late to pick up then I am charged £15. I haven't been late yet!

KrayKray00 · 24/07/2017 14:55

Ignore thefuture Ms Perfect wrote a shitty comment on my post too.

YABU, it sounds like they done you a massive favour providing free childcare when you had your newborn. Maybe they are short staffed, nursery workers are underpaid as is it. It costs me an extra £15 an hour for my nursery to keep my child and if they did they would need notice and if anyone is later than closing time it's £10 per 5 minutes. If offstead ever walked in and they have not enough adult to child ratio they can be marked down massively, it is also a health and safety risk.

It is very nice of them to have been able to help you out, but they probably don't want you taking the piss, I am not saying you are personally but some people do.

I know timing can be hard but just try to rearrange things better or maybe ask another family member help during pick up time?

PurpleMinionMummy · 24/07/2017 14:57

It's not on to expect them to have him later, especially at lunch time as it possibly throws out their ratios for the afternoon session by having an extra child or messes up their staff lunch breaks. If it was a hospital appt presumably you would have had plenty of notice of it?

I don't understand why they didn't just say no if it's an issue though or why the manager didn't speak to you when they let you in.

luckylucky24 · 24/07/2017 14:57

YABU I get charged if I am late and cannot just ask when I drop him off if he can stay longer without paying for their services. I think if you need more flexible care you need to see if there are any childminders that are flexible (not free though).

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 24/07/2017 14:57

Bloody hell, if I ever asked my DD's nursery to have her for longer they were practically holding their hand out for the cash as soon as I walked through the door!

You are very lucky to have had so much free childcare time and think they're within their rights to say it has to stop, unless you're going to pay extra

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 14:58

There was nobody else to help me, I had to go to hospital to get my d&c booked it was an unexpected appointment that only came about this morning Sad I'm distraught as it is I am not a piss taker I promise

OP posts:
strawberrygate · 24/07/2017 14:59

were you having a d & c or just booking it?

Steeley113 · 24/07/2017 15:00

Unfortunately plenty of us have had to go through the same thing (myself included) with other children in tow and have had to sort out child care. You can't just expect free childcare from a nursery.

ClarkWGriswold · 24/07/2017 15:01

I'll be honest with you OP; if you had asked for extra hours at the nursery my DD goes to they would, of course, offered readily and it definitely would not have been a problem. However, at the end of the month you would have got a very rude awakening with a bill of a few hundred quid to cover the extra hours.

You got away very lightly with a ticking off IMO. They are running a business and you were taking the piss, whether you had good reason to or not. If other parents at the same childcare setting found out about your arrangement don't you think they would have wanted the same 'freebie'? What would the nursery do then?

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 24/07/2017 15:01

Oh OP Flowers
Sorry to hear about that.
I don't think they are being unreasonable but this is just really, really bad timing all round and I bet the nursery worker would be mortified if she knew where you've been today.

Hope you're ok, feet up, rest and do not dwell on it (the nursery issue that is).

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 15:04

Other parents do have the same setting, there's two kids currently there until 4. She will be there until 4 all week, just booked this morning as I over heard
I was booking it but you'll all be glad to know I have in laws to have my son and young baby while I go through this!

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 24/07/2017 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Questioningeverything · 24/07/2017 15:05

I know you're going through a tough time op, based on what you've said, so I'll be gentle. Given your latest update, it's obviously a really rough time for you right now.
Is there any way you can access some more support? Nursery have clearly said they can no longer support which is fair enough for reasons others have provided, but is there anyone else? If I knew you I'd be offering care in a heartbeat, having been exactly where you are now.

However alone you feel, I promise you, if you reach out you will find support. Contact family support through your local children's centre

peonie83 · 24/07/2017 15:06

OP.

I don't think you should have posted online for help on this one. You have so much going on and I'm so so sorry to hear about your D&C. You must be feeling exhausted emotionally and physically.

I think you're probably just taking out your frustration and anger on the nursery - but there is so so much more going on for you that it isn't actually about the nursery or the care. Just all that is going on for you at the moment is tough.

You know the nursery are not BU. They are business and have helped you out a lot.

Be easy on yourself. The nursery could have charged you - they sound great and helpful.

I think today perhaps just forget this thread. It's not really what you're sad about.

Look after yourself OP. Flowers