About nursery

[Caramacloverr]

My son attends nursery 4 days a week. They've had no problem with keeping him later than needed (had a baby 4 month ago, no other childcare). They've kept him until 4 before. I asked for them to have him for an hour extra today.
I was suppose to collect him at 1, realised at 12.17 that I was in enough time to collect him early. Went to nursery, manager let me into the building but my son's key worker, said to never ask them to have my son later again unless I can prove what I am doing such as an appointment and that it really isn't on
I'm quite taken aback, who is BU?

I think they thought you were taking the micheal when you turned up earlier than expected etc. You just needed to say you did have an appt to sort out at the hospital and it was done with faster than you estimated. Then add that you appreciate their help with all of this. Perhaps being a bit sensitive but honestly knowing the circumstances not unexpected

Sorry for what you're going through op, obviously you now now it was unreasonable to expect extra hours for free. My nursery are very accommodating and flexible but do charge for additional time.

I'm just interested that you said you were 'helping out' by providing nappies? At our nursery you have to provide nappies/wipes/sudocream etc as standard, is this not the norm?

Cross post. Glad your in laws are able to provide some support

Lots of kids stay late at most nurseries, but most don't do it for nothing.

I think they were just trying to make sure that their kindness wasn't abused.

I probably shouldn't have posted this but I do feel attacked, the hospital told me I could be there until 1pm depending on who needs to see me so I asked for the extra hour, I got out early than planned so thought it would be ok to pick him up so not to leave him there

I think you are right AIBU is not the place for you today..

I am a childminder. I may chose to help out a parent in similar circumstances...However I tend not to as there then becomes this idea I am their first port of call when it comes to childcare.

It may well of been about you.It may well of been a lot of parents suddenly wanting more help. The 30 hours funding coming in is not helping nurseries.

Nurseries are businesses and they need to make a profit so no matter how sympathetic they may even feel they have to protect themselves in terms of ratios , protecting the staff pay wise. There is lot of planning that needs to be done.

Sorry OP, must have been a horrible day for you.

You are not being 'attacked', either on here or by the nursery.

People are pointing out that yes, parents often book extra hours. But they always pay for them.

Do you pay termly? Is it possible the hours from four months ago will be added to your bill?

Sounds like you've had a crappy day OP and posting on this forum was only going to make it worse.

They could help you out previously and from now they've said they can't. That's fine that's their prerogative.

Try not to take it too personally and make sure if you need extra time in future that you offer to pay for it.

I would maybe ask admin to close the thread and maybe post on a slightly less cut throats section of mumsnet

So they had already agreed to have him an extra hour today and you were late after the agreed extra hour?

They are trying to nip your piss taking behaviour in the bud OP.

I think there's been a miscommunication/misunderstanding between you and the nursery.
They offered extra hours for free to help you out at a tricky time for you but they should have made it clear that it was for a limited time only and wouldn't be offered regularly.
This has then led you to thinking they would be able to do this again when you needed it, today's events probably gave them the impression that you were taking the piss hence the talking to by your child's key worker.
When you're feeling better why don't you pop in and have a chat and explain you misunderstood about how extra time worked and thought it was ok and you didn't intend to take advantage but due to an urgent appointment finishing early you came to collect him as soon as possible.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope you're feeling better soon

Get this moved to chat OP, or deleted.

Yep you are way too fragile for AIBU.

I sympathise (reading your updates) but even this doesn't warrant free child care I'm afraid.

Sorry but YABU. My son does 2 full days at nursery and we pay for both of them. The hours are 7.30am - 6.30pm although we take him at 8.30am and he gets picked up at 5.15pm. We don't get any money off because he's not there for the max number of hours!

I think you are taking your understandable (D&C related) upset out on nursery.

The problem when doing someone a favour is if it gets to be expected then you're being taken advantage of. Nursery probably needed to nip this in the bud.

As others have pointed out, you cant expect a free afternoon session indefinitely. Most nurseries would decline or charge. Its lovely that yours were so generous whilst you were having a baby. Dont turn their kindness into a problem.

Try not to let your over sensitivity colour your dealings with nursery. Brush yourself off and either dont mention it again, or bring in a box of biscuits to thank them for their flexibility over helping you out with this hospital appointment.

Be nice and they will be nice to you. They have made a real effort and investment in you as a long term nursery user. Be glad for this, even if today has been a shitty day.

Also dont post on AIBU if youre feeling fragile!

YABU - They kindly covered your child care while you were in hospital but that doesn’t mean you can expect free childcare in the future.

I didn't say I expected it did I? They agreed so I thought it wasn't a problem, there's other parents there that put their child in longer and don't pay for it as well. It was an unexpected appointment that came up
And no cruncy, I asked for an hour extra but turned up early.
I'm having to cope with working on top of this (admitely not today) but with a 3 year old and new baby and now this I'm frazzled and burnt out I've probably taken it out on the nursery and that's wrong but I'm so stressed and scared
Shall apologize for bein a piss taker

FFS can people read updates before attacking the OP

I want to know where this nursery is that gives everyone free childcare!

As you've said, AIBU was not the right place to post.
Having read your updates, you are clearly having a very difficult time . However, to be fair, all the first posters replied before you put any of that in.
Many posters will read the start of a thread then leap to the end, so they are replying to your OPtoo, and, of course, are right that YWBU to expect your dc to attend for nothing, or unexpectedly.

So you understand, Nurseries have to proved the right ratio of adults to dc. So, if your dc is 3, then 1 adult can look after 8 dc in a room, but, once a 9th is there, they need a 2nd adult. It might be, than when you had your difficulties before, they had 'space' within their ratio and very, very generously said they'd help you out at that time, because of that circumstance. Now, it might be they don't have space in that ratio, and your dc would take them into number needing an extra adult. Or, it might be they felt you had misunderstood that it was a 'one off' when they helped you before and that you didn't realise they had to balance their books.

Please leave the thread and go and look after yourself now, as there will no doubt be others who reply to the OP and don't read all your following posts.

Sorry to hear your news. don't apologise to them but maybe drop a box of chocolates or biscuits to say thank you. They will appreciate that.

Take care of yourself.

What is D and C?
I'm sorry you are going through a rough time OP.

Have a Google Peggy

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time OP, it sounds like the nursery were a bit blunt and you're already feeling pretty emotionally battered and the two made a bad combination. It could be that other parents have taken the piss and the keyworker misunderstood your intentions, if you have an otherwise good relationship with them it might be worth talking it over when you're feeling up to it.

I think you would do better to find a local babysitter who is flexible and able to help you out in the future if you need it. For now, as it is the summer holidays, do any of your neighbours have teenagers who are trustworthy and would appreciate the extra money?

I suspect that as much as anythng they are feeling messed about. lunch time in particular is tricky, as they have to juggle staff breaks, nap times, food etc etc, so although you felt you were being helpful getting there earlier than 1pm, they had probably just re-arranged the staff rota to accomodate the extra hour then you turn up and they feel that they have wasted their time