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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About nursery

193 replies

Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 14:26

My son attends nursery 4 days a week. They've had no problem with keeping him later than needed (had a baby 4 month ago, no other childcare). They've kept him until 4 before. I asked for them to have him for an hour extra today.
I was suppose to collect him at 1, realised at 12.17 that I was in enough time to collect him early. Went to nursery, manager let me into the building but my son's key worker, said to never ask them to have my son later again unless I can prove what I am doing such as an appointment and that it really isn't on
I'm quite taken aback, who is BU?

OP posts:
AndNowItIsSeven · 24/07/2017 17:04

I thought it was a procedure after a miscarriage Peggy, but the op says she has a new baby so baby she means something different.

FuzzyOwl · 24/07/2017 17:07

AndNowItIsSeven and Peggy a D&G is a gynaecological operation often mistakenly referred to instead of an ERPC (which is an operation after miscarrige).

AndNowItIsSeven · 24/07/2017 17:09

Thanks Fuzzy.

MatildaTheCat · 24/07/2017 17:12

OP, you sound as if you've been on good terms with the nursery until now. May I suggest you write them a card expressing your gratitude and saying how much you appreciate their support. Say you understand it's hard for them to offer extra hours ad hoc and hope that in future you won't need to but if you do will be sure to give notice and the reason.

The key worker did express herself quite badly IMO. Nobody knows what someone else is going through. It could have been said far more gently.

However you need them so buy them a card and some biscuits and forget her comment. Things will get better for you soon. If you carry on feeling this emotionally fragile do talk to your HV or GP for more support.

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 17:21

Thank you for your kind comments I didn't mean to drip feed and I'm not trying to change it around for people to say that I'm not BU
I've not long given flowers choclate, 32 items of clothing for them to use and a card expressing my gratitude towards them for being there at any given moment
I am not going to go into detail but I need the d&c as they cannot be sure whether it is left over tissue or a new pregnancy that I can't expell. Their words and it's fucking horrible. I'm so heart broken. How has it come to this? My kids dad won't even stay with me and has tried to abuse me. Im now a single mum after 4 years, juggling 2 kids and 15 hour week shifts all own my own
I'm failing, I can't keep my head a float. I don't have enough money or will to survive Sad

OP posts:
AndNowItIsSeven · 24/07/2017 17:28

Op am so sorry , you really are having a horrible time. You say you are working 15 hour shifts if you could do an extra hour a week ebay selling, bettaware while pushing baby in pram , ironing you would be able to get wtc.

QuackDuckQuack · 24/07/2017 17:28

I occasionally ask our nursery to have DD2 for extra hours. They look at their bookings to check they are in ratio before they agree. I would pay for the extra hours, but they don't normally ask. If they say no, then I sort out an alternative. I can't see what the problem with asking is, provided you are willing to pay and can accept that you might be told 'no'.

Obviously they've decided that this doesn't work for them as a nursery, but you can't know that without asking.

honeylulu · 24/07/2017 17:32

I think the nursery handled it badly.
You asked for extra time. They agreed. It was item to them at that point to say no or "only if you pay accordingly" rather than berating you when you arrived (earlier than agreed).
Free hours are unusual I think but you only asked!!
Hope you feel better soon.

BrokenBattleDroid · 24/07/2017 17:47

Flowers Flowers Flowers

You've feeling understandably sensitive and you have a huge amount on your shoulders right now.

Nursery may have got the wrong end of the stick, or perhaps you caught them at a grumpy moment. It doesn't sound personal though, they obviously do want to support you as they have done in the past, they just can't be handing out favours all the time.

It must have been a shock to feel like they thought you were pulling a fast one, but (in the kindest way possible) you're overthinking it. Go back in tomorrow and either apologise for seeming like you were taking piss (and give a brief explanation), or forget it all about it. Either is fine and I bet they aren't thinking badly of you Smile

UnidentifiedUser · 24/07/2017 18:09

The Nursery kindly agreed a late pickup time of 1pm, you've gone to collect your little one earlier than that and they're not happy about it?
I think they were unreasonable to act like that at pick up, but wouldn't be unreasonable to charge you for the whole extra hour.

Sorry you're having a rough time OP. Maybe there's been a misunderstanding. Put it out of your mind today and speak to them in a few days when you may be feeling stronger.

Gizlotsmum · 24/07/2017 18:19

So they did it when you were in hospital ( i.e. An emergency) and you expect it just because? Seriously? YabVu

Gizlotsmum · 24/07/2017 18:20

Sorry missed your update. But you can't expect them to have your child for extra hours unpaid..

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 24/07/2017 18:28

Gizlots you must have also missed the point where they've done it before and are currently doing it with other parents

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 24/07/2017 18:44

Yes to the bit about doing it with other parents not about having done it before but that in your initial posts seemed to be for when you were in hospital. Perhaps they don't mind doing it out of necessity but the fact that you picked up earlier than the agreed later time made them feel it wasn't a necessity?

JenziW · 24/07/2017 19:02

Wow I can't believe your nursery would do it previously for free. My daughter's nursery are not the slightest bit flexible and can virtually see the £ signs if I say I might need to book dd in extra! They don't swap days around etc. I take nappies etc in not as a favour but as part of the agreement. I definitely couldn't ask to leave her their longer on the day either.

It's unfortunate you're having a tough time. Don't take it personally from the nursery though. Perhaps they're just starting to crack down as they've been doing it too much and realised they're missing an opportunity.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 24/07/2017 19:08

If you're not paying for the extra time then of course YABU. Why should they work for you for free?

Groupie123 · 24/07/2017 19:10

They are probably getting more kids whose parents have paid for them to stay until 4pm and as such have bumped you off. It's not a big deal. You were lucky to get this service for free anyway!

Caterina99 · 24/07/2017 19:25

OP hope you're feeling better and take care of yourself!

I'm amazed your nursery would take your DS for extra hours for free. I'm having DC2 soon and if neccessary he will go extra to nursery. Currently he goes 2 mornings a week but they could take him full time if we were desperate. However we would absolutely pay for the additional hours and we provide nappies anyway. I know they'd help me out in an emergency, but they'd bill me for the time!

I think you just caught the person at the wrong time and I wouldn't dwell on it too much

MsPassepartout · 24/07/2017 19:29

Giving parents extra hours for free sounds like an odd way to run a business.

The nursery we use will let you leave your DC there for longer or book extra days (provided they're still compliant with staff:child ratios), but they've always been clear that they will charge parents for this. Regardless of the reasons behind the extra hours being needed.

I would agree that it's likely the staff have felt that parents are taking advantage of their generousity and that's why they were a bit abrupt with you. Although really they'd be better to tighten up their policies on charging for extra hours rather than having a go at individual parents.
Hope you're feeling better soon.

Whenyouseeit · 24/07/2017 19:37

Going against the grain I think YANBU. You are lucky to have a nursery willing to do extra hours for free but having agreed to that I think it was unkind of the keyworker to speak to you like that. Really sorry for everything you're going through

Allthewaves · 24/07/2017 19:47

How we you getting hours for free?

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 24/07/2017 19:52

The thing is that they don't know about the medical thing. Maybe the person who agreed to the extra hour this morning got in trouble or something because it messed up the lunch rota because of child ratios or something.

My nursery moved heaven and earth (okay, maybe not but they combined two rooms for a day and arranged for a staff member to do extra hours) so that they could take my son for the day so I could attend my mother's funeral, my husband could come with me and I didn't have to take my 2yo. (And didn't charge me for it!)

They also bust a gut to help out when I was hospitalised with a brain injury. But in general when I ask about additional hours or sessions, there's nothing going.

My experience is that they will help out in a full blown crisis but often cant help with the more day to day stuff. Maybe yours is the same? Maybe they just don't have the staff numbers to pick up this kind of stuff unless it's a real crisis (that they know about and empathise with).

I'm sorry you're going through so much stuff at the mo. Take care of you.

ChocolateRicecake · 24/07/2017 21:58

Sorry for what you've had to go through, OP, and hope you are OK.

Whilst I agree that you have been super-lucky to get any free time at all, you weren't spoken to very politely. The way you describe it, it sounds like the staff may have gone to some trouble to accommodate you and probably felt frustrated that they needn't have gone to the effort.

Original poster
Caramacloverr · 25/07/2017 06:51

The person who agreed it was the manager, it's always her that I ask.
The other parents are being charged for it either because at the start of the year, the manager said additional hours weren't charged for as long as you could provide food and nappies but the time I was in hospital I didn't provide food and they said that wasn't even a problem as they had home made food bein cooked on site that he could have
I thought the manager and staff would of senses how disheveled I am and so ask in for the hour would of shown that I was to do something important as I had red rings around my eyes couldn't stop crying but will apologise

OP posts:
StillDrivingMeBonkers · 25/07/2017 07:23

Went to nursery, manager let me into the building but my son's key worker, said to never ask them to have my son later again unless I can prove what I am doing such as an appointment and that it really isn't on

People seem to have missed the point of the whole thread and got caught up in the semantics of time.

Assuming the key worker isn't the manager, they had no remit to speak on behalf of the nursery. Have you had this clarified with the manager?

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