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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU

312 replies

MissingWinter · 22/07/2017 22:07

I went to visit my friend round at hers on Thursday, we were sat together at her laptop, she went onto a particular site and started looking at some shoes and other clothing, once she had finished I took over and went to the men's section. Me DP and DS are due to go on holiday and I have been wanting to buy DP a few nice pairs of swim shorts. I see a nice pair which I liked and I was pretty sure that he would like (they were delivered today and he likes them)

As I clicked on them I said "Oh these are nice aren't they?" she just rolled her eyes, then she had a sudden outburst and said "You really make me sick why would you spend so fking much on a pair of swim shorts for him and no they're not nice I feel as if you are taking the p out of me, you want to spend that amount on s** but I don't see you giving money to people that need it"

I stayed silent because at that point I had to back track to make sure that is what she really said, and that I wasn't hearing things, before I could answer back she that she needs to go out and that I need to leave, but we were suppose to be spending the whole day together, and I had to travel pretty far to her house.

She always makes snide comments and I just ignore her, as I don't like confrontation, I haven't heard from her since and I have been wanting to call her today to apologise as she said that it felt as if I was taking the p* out of her.

Now I am thinking why should I call her and apologise? and why shouldn't I be able to spend what I like on him? Do you think I'm the one being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

Original poster

MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 10:11

lose you as a friend I need to take off predictive text!

OP posts:

VeryButchyRestingFace · 23/07/2017 10:11

Does MN have a forum for the nouveau riche?

💰 💰💰

ginnystonic · 23/07/2017 10:12

I'm sorry you have lost a friend.

I think perhaps you have learned a valuable lesson and this thread has also helped you see the error of your ways.

People are bound to take the piss out if someone online who spends £450 on shorts, try to take it on the chin and still gain something positive from all this.

Brittbugs80 · 23/07/2017 10:13

£450 for swim shorts

But you said you took over the computer and went to men's section, so I'm assuming she can afford to buy from there unless she was just window shopping?

I'm sorry but I don't buy into this, "if you have more money than me you should give it to me"

You spend how you want to spend end of. Of course it's nice to share money but that's your decision to do so and with who you choose.

I've helped friends/family that were struggling when needed. But you can only help if someone asks for the help.

There is no point blowing your lid at someone who has spent £450 on shorts if you've never told them you are struggling and need the money.

I spend around £150 a month on books. Should I stop doing this and offer it out to everyone else, just incase someone feels upset that I've wasted my money because they wouldn't spend that amount on books?

SparklyMagpie · 23/07/2017 10:18

I don't know whats more ridiculous the price or the shorts they are vile

Hotwaterbottle1 · 23/07/2017 10:19

Britt I admit I'm jealous you can afford to spend £150 on books but I'm intrigued as to how many you read! I thought I read a lot. Or are these a particular type of book? You must have an amazing library.

Sorry to derail thread!!

Neverknowing · 23/07/2017 10:20

Very sad you lost a friend op. Maybe make friends with similar financial situation to you in the future and then you can better understand one another?
£450 is over half my rent, I'd struggle to see a friend spend this on shorts when it'd make all the difference to our lives. As much as I think YANBU here I'd be similar to your friend because I'd be jealous you have that much disposable cash.

bridgetreilly · 23/07/2017 10:25

I'm going to guess that for your friend this may have been the last straw. Friendships don't usually end over just one incident like this.

OP, that's hard, but maybe worth thinking about whether you've done other things over the years that could have made her feel like you were flaunting your wealth or belittling her in other ways.

Original poster

MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 10:26

ginnystonic this thread has been an eye opener, me as a person I never take the piss out of someone in real life let alone on a parenting site, I have already taken it on the chin.

I feel as if I should end things here, some of you have made some very nasty comments towards me. At first I was accused of making the whole thing up, but then I proved that I wasn't as I have the item; then to be accused that I am just trying to look posh which is ridiculous when I am
just a normal person like everyone else.

A few people on here have picked up that the horrible comments are coming from those who jealous/envious the thing I don't understand is if you are feeling that way why would you even comment on this thread? (I respect those who have admitted they are jealous) but to those who haven't and won't, having self control is very important and if you don't your situation is never going to get better and eventually it is going to ruin your life, and I hope that your jealousy hasn't been passed onto your DC

Enjoy your Sunday everyone!

OP posts:

RhubardGin · 23/07/2017 10:27

I don't think I could take a friend seriously if they spent £450 on swim shorts.

Anyone who thinks this is normal needs to give their head a wobble.

I hope your DS doesn't grow up to be so frivolous with money.

Aquathest · 23/07/2017 10:30

I am very confused as to why OPs friend is upset tbh. She was on the website looking at clothes first. Which indicates that the friend either bought or was contemplating buying similar priced clothing too?

Personally I would not purchase the shorts. But I can't see that the OP was necessarily 'flaunting her money' in front of her friend.
The friend 'opened the door' to that situation by browsing the same website first.

Brittbugs80 · 23/07/2017 10:31

It's a mix between paper copies and Kindle books. They are not all brand new books, I live within walking distance of a St Giles charity bookshop where they sell 4 paperbacks for £5 etc or I get them from supermarkets.

I collect James Patterson books so I always get them, as I love his books, I collect Christmas fiction books too and lots of other authors. Nothing highbrow!

My child also reads so some of the books are for him too.

We have 16 IKEA Billy bookcases in our house that are filled, with 2 rows to each shelf, of books. I read about 3/4 books a month and donate books back to the shop if they are an author I don't collect.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 23/07/2017 10:33

having self control is very important and if you don't your situation is never going to get better and eventually it is going to ruin your life

Self control regarding what, OP - spending money or jealousy?

Not sure what you're saying here.

AlternativeTentacle · 23/07/2017 10:33

No envy here. I am a higher tax payer, so is my OH. I have a healthy savings and current bank account, company car, several pensions, I have no kids [he has a daughter at uni] and the mortgage is nearly paid off etc etc etc. But £450 for a pair of swimshorts is obscene.

I am certainly not envious of someone who spends £450 on swimshorts for someone else, for whatever reasons they feel they have to spend £450 on swimshorts.

RB68 · 23/07/2017 10:34

How much something is and whether or not its reasonable to spend that on it depends on how much you have and what your priorities are.

All she had to do was say whether she liked them or not. If she knows you have more disposable income than she does then she doesn't need to comment on the price just her opinion of them. She is jealous BUT if I had that level of disposable income and friends with less I would also be a bit more sensitive about sharing around how much I was spending on things so as not to create jealousy. Saying she can always ask for help doesn't help as that to me would be begging and coveting what you have. I would probably have looked at what she wanted and just said leave that on for my order I will get you those, are you Ok if they are delivered here with my stuff and I will collect it next week (or whenever). You kind of have to look for opportunities to share the love that aren't going to insult people or make them feel bad. But huge inequalities of income do make for difficult situations.

PerpendicularVincent · 23/07/2017 10:36

This thread has rather predictably given rise to some nasty responses.

So the OP has money to spend on expensive clothing? Good for her, there is no need for the level of envy displayed in some posts here.

I do think OP that you were slightly insensitive, but equally so, your friend's comment was unfair. If you want to stay friends, I would just call her and discuss it.

PsychoPumpkin · 23/07/2017 10:36

I'm sorry your friendship has ended OP

Bluntness100 · 23/07/2017 10:36

Ah, this isn't a good thread. I think people have been side tracked by the fact the shorts are fairly hideous and cost so much.

Op, if she is your friend she knows finances aren't an issue so should not be taken aback by how much you spend or how you spend it.

For me she has behaved very badly. To end a friendship over the fact at that stage you were simply looking at one pair of shorts is very strange.

However I think there is more to it than you're admitting.

She says why would you spend that on him. Is there something she perceives as wrong in your relationship? She says she feels your taking the piss out of her. I suspect she's struggling financially and you know it, and as such it would have been highly insensitive to flaunt your wealth in her face.

So she has ended the friendship, but I think it's due to something more than a one off looking at a pair of shorts.

Original poster

MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 10:36

VeryButchyRestingFace self control over jealously and envy!

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 10:41

Money talks wealth whispers....

I'm sure he'll enjoy his Lottery Winner stylie shorts....they'll get a snigger or two by the pool I'm sure....
Happy days

Original poster

MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 10:44

Money talks wealth whispers....

Exactly, the shorts are unbranded that's why they whisper.

I guess you feel good within yourself now that you've made that comment go you.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 10:44

'fact the shorts are fairly hideous'

Bluntness you really do not live up to that user name.... and display immense tact

arethereanyleftatall · 23/07/2017 10:46

Nope, no envy here.

Original poster

MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 10:48

Only1scoop oh and you've come back to make another nasty comment, happy people aren't horrible and they certainly don't say things to put other people down FACT

And you've also had a pick about my username how low are you prepared to go?

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 10:51

Calm down dear it's only a pair of Bengali Silken Swimmers....have a little humour.

Haven't picked at your username

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