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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

312 replies

MissingWinter · 22/07/2017 22:07

I went to visit my friend round at hers on Thursday, we were sat together at her laptop, she went onto a particular site and started looking at some shoes and other clothing, once she had finished I took over and went to the men's section. Me DP and DS are due to go on holiday and I have been wanting to buy DP a few nice pairs of swim shorts. I see a nice pair which I liked and I was pretty sure that he would like (they were delivered today and he likes them)

As I clicked on them I said "Oh these are nice aren't they?" she just rolled her eyes, then she had a sudden outburst and said "You really make me sick why would you spend so fking much on a pair of swim shorts for him and no they're not nice I feel as if you are taking the p out of me, you want to spend that amount on s** but I don't see you giving money to people that need it"

I stayed silent because at that point I had to back track to make sure that is what she really said, and that I wasn't hearing things, before I could answer back she that she needs to go out and that I need to leave, but we were suppose to be spending the whole day together, and I had to travel pretty far to her house.

She always makes snide comments and I just ignore her, as I don't like confrontation, I haven't heard from her since and I have been wanting to call her today to apologise as she said that it felt as if I was taking the p* out of her.

Now I am thinking why should I call her and apologise? and why shouldn't I be able to spend what I like on him? Do you think I'm the one being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 23/07/2017 10:53

self control over jealously and envy!

You cannot spend £450 on swim shorts for someone else and have a pop at others for having no self control.

Original poster
MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 10:55

Only1scoop now you know that you are in the wrong you are telling me to calm down and trying to laugh it off and act like you were joking.

I have a degree is psychology so I find it very easy to pick these kind of things up, it is nice to be nice, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all, I understand that things may not be going so well in your life but that's no excuse to think it's acceptable to mock other people.

OP posts:
ChrisPrattsFace · 23/07/2017 10:56

I haven't read all the comments since I posted at the start, but I have seen you getting a pretty hard time!
It's up to you what you spend your money on, I know if I had the money I would buy what the he'll I wanted! I'm jealous to be honest Grin ... it's just good to be aware of who is around you when you're looking encase you so upset someone. (Even if you haven't upset them in similar situations before!)
I'm sorry your friend isn't willing to talk, hopefully in some time she will come round and chat with you.
Have a lovely Sunday OP!

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 10:57

Oh dear Op, I certainly don't dip into the jealous and envious category either. Is that what you really think?....you attached a pic of some Bootiful bathers and some of us have had a little giggle.
Laugh it off.

AlternativeTentacle · 23/07/2017 10:58

I have a degree is psychology so I find it very easy to pick these kind of things up

Well that was time well wasted as Only1 was talking about someone else's username. However I have 4 degrees, the first one in psychology so perhaps it is the extras that helps me read words better?

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 10:59

'I have a degree is psychology so I find it very easy to pick these kind of things up'
Erm Ok

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 11:00

Indeed I was alternative, and thank you.

It's ok Op I don't require an apology

Frillyhorseyknickers · 23/07/2017 11:04

I have a degree is psychology so I find it very easy to pick these kind of things up

God, OP you sound like something straight off of loose women. Give yourself up, you are making a complete wally out of yourself!

Ellisandra · 23/07/2017 11:05

I like them!

Not for £450, but I actually do like the print.

They're garish though, so among friends - especially if friend is buying for husband not herself - I wouldn't find it rude in the slightest to say "they're fucking hideous, what are you on, noooooooo!" Rude if you say it to a man wearing them, fine if it's at the the online stage of "these are nice"

Whether it's reasonable to spend £450 on swim shorts is between you and your bank balance.
You were massively unreasonable to point them out as a potential purchase to someone earning far less. It's just so insensitive.

And anyone who says "I have a degree in psychology so..." just comes across like a massive twat.

(I have a degree in psychology and am scared to mention it lest I am taken for someone who thinks they have deep insight into people as a result. You really don't. You might be able to calculate chi squared by hand though)

Ellisandra · 23/07/2017 11:06

Frilly - yes! That's why I always want to lie about my degree these days ConfusedBlush

JaimeLannister · 23/07/2017 11:07

The issue isn't that you have £450 to spend on shorts but that you dont view it as an obscene amount of money. It is shockingly naive and I think you should look at the world around you more.

I am sorry you have lost a friend though. It's a horrible feeling.

Ellisandra · 23/07/2017 11:07

I doubt the OP has ever put her psychology degree into extensive clinical practice.

AlternativeTentacle · 23/07/2017 11:08

Indeed I was alternative, and thank you.

NP.

I have a degree in psychology and can categorically say that spending an obscene amount of money on something that probably cost less than £1 to make, highlights inadequacies in the person's psyche, and shows their desperation to be liked.

However at this point in real life I'd probably make the hand wanker sign and leave the room as there is no point arguing with people like this. After all , they have a degree in psychology don't you know.

And today I have a huge cherry tree to chop down and chop up.

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 11:08

Well I do hope not, as a Dentist without teeth springs to mind.

Original poster
MissingWinter · 23/07/2017 11:10

Well I am going to go now, going to get ready to have a nice day out with my family, there is no need for me to return to this thread, so I won't be.

But I would like to thank those who have been nice to me and did offer good advice Flowers

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 23/07/2017 11:11

I also have a degree in psychology! It hasn't, however, bestowed me with any special powers of perception.

IamAporcupine · 23/07/2017 11:11

Sorry you seem to have lost a friend OP, I can see you do care about the relationship Flowers

I do not think your friend got so annoyed because of the shorts, as others said, this must have been the last straw.

You have admitted that you do not think that £450 for a pairs of shorts is a lot of money. You also said you didn't mention the price (as if this made it better somehow, even though she would have obviously seen it).
She has already told you that 'some of us have to work'

All this makes me think you probably do flaunt your money very often but are totally unaware of it.

WheresLarry · 23/07/2017 11:11

Perhaps what got a lot of posters backs up is that you specifically stated that you don't view £450 as a large sum of money.

I don't care what you spend your money on OP but to be so out of touch and oblivious to how the current economic climate is affecting people and families, there really are no words.

straighttalker · 23/07/2017 11:11

What a weird thread.

It's gone on for a long time when everything seems to be rather simple.

YANBU for buying anything, no matter how expensive, with your own money.
Your friend was being unreasonable to react in that manner, is clearly resentful and jealous.

You are probably unreasonable and unsensitive to her circumstances to look at/buy items with that price tag in her presence if she is less well off. It's a little tone deaf.

YABU for trying to get in touch with her. She is the one who needs to apologise / build fences if she feels your friendship is worth overcoming her jealousy of your disparate incomes.

I don't really get a lot of the bashing you're receiving - I don't like the item you have purchased, I wouldn't buy it, but then I spend a lot of money on things that are important to me when there are cheaper alternatives.
I suppose it's just an online version of what happened with your friend.

Ellisandra · 23/07/2017 11:13

With my degree in psychology, I would add together the fact that OP shops online when bored and the fact that she buys clothes for a husband, and make a sound qualified clinical judgement that her life is a bit... unfulfilling.

Browsing clothes on line and shopping for my husband. Yep, when I was 8 and saying "when I grow up I want..." that was right up there!

Only1scoop · 23/07/2017 11:13

Alternative Indeed.

Happy chopping

Dd is desperate to plant a cherry tree. We haven't had much luck with the plum tree from two years ago. I hadn't read up that we actually needed to plant twoHmm

Noseysoso · 23/07/2017 11:20

YANBU

  1. I love those shorts ! I've seen them in real life and they are actually beautiful
  2. I often shop online with my friends. When you are so comfortable around each other that when bored you browse the web and buy stuff you don't need. Not strange behaviour where I'm from
  3. I don't see why the OP is unreasonable for buying in her league. The friend had just finished shopping (what she can afford) so why must the OP not join in the activity or buy primark just for show? Should she change her lifestyle just to please her friend
  4. It may be time to move on from this friendship - you can not be friends with someone who is jealous of you and acts on it. Just can't.
  5. I hope your husband enjoys wearing the shorts !
Branleuse · 23/07/2017 11:20

You were flaunting your wealth, which is rude and gross.

GinIsIn · 23/07/2017 11:21

Grin at I have a degree in psychology

So you are picking up all the subtle signs on here but missed the fact your "friend" thinks you are a massive spendy twat...?

I think you really missed the point of the 'money talks, wealth whispers' thing. Things can be not obviously branded and still be so obvious and gaudy that even Liberace would wince.....

I have been lucky enough to grow up with family money. I didn't earn it, it was inherited, so I view that money as mine to look after until I in turn pass it on, rather than mine to piss up the wall. So could I spend £450 on a pair of swimming shorts? Objectively, yes. Would I? Not a chance in hell. I would spend money on a really good coat, or pair of winter boots or a really classic bag that would be an investment over time, but never on a 'throw away' item like a pair of spectacularly revolting swimming shorts.

Money can't buy you taste or class, and I think perhaps your friend finds you to be 'in poor taste'.

demirose87 · 23/07/2017 11:23

It is a ridiculous waste of money, but its your money. So can do what you like. However, if I had a friend that struggles for money I wouldn't do it in front of her. There's obviously more to the story and the shorts made her finally snap. I can see it from both sides though. I have a friend that has a decent job and lives at home with mum and dad, no children, and doesn't pay any rent or contribute to bills. I was a single mum to three kids. Every time I've seen her she goes on about how she's got 25 grand in savings, even when we're not talking about money, she'll find some way to get onto the topic of money. Every time I buy myself something, she has to have it. I bought one of my daughters a furby for Christmas, she bought one just because she can. Years ago when I mentioned I liked ugg boots but couldn't afford them, she bought two pairs while we were out together..she never wore them because she didn't really like them. Just another way to get one over on me. Now I am not materialistic at all. I'm rich in other ways, I have since met a lovely partner, another child on the way and have a happy family life. I was just hurt that she feels she has to constantly try ( and fail) to make me feel like shit. I get the sense she isn't happy and uses money as a way of filling a gap in her life. Maybe your friend feels you rub it in her face , in that case I can see why she's hurt. But she did overreact.