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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU

312 replies

MissingWinter · 22/07/2017 22:07

I went to visit my friend round at hers on Thursday, we were sat together at her laptop, she went onto a particular site and started looking at some shoes and other clothing, once she had finished I took over and went to the men's section. Me DP and DS are due to go on holiday and I have been wanting to buy DP a few nice pairs of swim shorts. I see a nice pair which I liked and I was pretty sure that he would like (they were delivered today and he likes them)

As I clicked on them I said "Oh these are nice aren't they?" she just rolled her eyes, then she had a sudden outburst and said "You really make me sick why would you spend so fking much on a pair of swim shorts for him and no they're not nice I feel as if you are taking the p out of me, you want to spend that amount on s** but I don't see you giving money to people that need it"

I stayed silent because at that point I had to back track to make sure that is what she really said, and that I wasn't hearing things, before I could answer back she that she needs to go out and that I need to leave, but we were suppose to be spending the whole day together, and I had to travel pretty far to her house.

She always makes snide comments and I just ignore her, as I don't like confrontation, I haven't heard from her since and I have been wanting to call her today to apologise as she said that it felt as if I was taking the p* out of her.

Now I am thinking why should I call her and apologise? and why shouldn't I be able to spend what I like on him? Do you think I'm the one being unreasonable here?

OP posts:

Gemini69 · 23/07/2017 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WhiskyIrnBru · 23/07/2017 11:26

Having rtft, I'd like to think this is just a clever PR stunt by the website to encourage traffic.

Surely, there aren't many people out there with that little self awareness. OP this is clearly been the icing on the cake for your friend. I hope that maybe you'll sit back. And reflect on this.

BadLad · 23/07/2017 11:38

Why are so many posters aghast at spending £450 on an item of clothing? I feel like I'm on a different planet sometimes.

Presumably because the item is a pair of swimming trunks.

Noseysoso · 23/07/2017 11:56

"You already have, I don't want to know you anymore, don't call me". Payhetic - you don't need her in your life.

To people who couldn't be friends with someone who spend £450 on shorts, how narrow-minded are u? I'm sure there's stuff you buy that others wouldn't. You lose out the potential of meeting some great people just because they choose to spend their disposable income differently to you??

OP I'd hide the thread if I were u. Trying to defend yourself will only make this worse

RortyCrankle · 23/07/2017 12:00

WhiskyIrnBru
Having rtft, I'd like to think this is just a clever PR stunt by the website to encourage traffic.

I've just taken a look, there's some really fugly stuff, so not limited to swimming shorts and I notice the prices were in $ so did the OP pay 450 £ or $ for the shorts?

babsjonhson · 23/07/2017 12:02

Fucking hell £450!
That is nuts.
But wasn't she looking at the same website is everything about the same price on there?

HipsterHunter · 23/07/2017 12:04

Why are so many posters aghast at spending £450 on an item of clothing? I feel like I'm on a different planet sometimes.

Yeah well you obviously are on a different planet! Only the very richest % of people in England will be spending £450 on anything, let alone a pair of swim shirts.

IamAporcupine · 23/07/2017 12:06

Noseysoso a couple of people here said they could in theory spend that amount of money in shorts if they wanted (lucky them!) but that they know it is a luxury.
I could not be friends with someone who is totally unaware of this and pretends money is not an issue just because it is not an issue for her.

swingofthings · 23/07/2017 12:09

I wouldn't want to be friend with you. Firstly because I agree with your ex-friend, spending such ludicrous amount of money on an ugly pair of short is to me showing off what is wrong with a certain level of society. People who waste money on ugly things just to make a statement that 'hey look what I can afford'.

But then to do so when you're visiting her, on her computer, when you could have just waited to do so at home was rubbing it in her face. I wouldn't be jealous of someone doing that, I would find it pathetic, but that incident would have made me realise that I really had nothing in common with you.

Saying that, absolutely right that there was no need for her response. She should have laughed and then next time you contacted her, say 'no thank you'.

swingofthings · 23/07/2017 12:11

Yeah well you obviously are on a different planet! Only the very richest % of people in England will be spending £450 on anything, let alone a pair of swim shirts.
Unfortuantely, not always the case. Some rich people will, but so will those who like others to think they are.

OH and I are 'rich' but would never ever consider spending that amount of money on a pair of ugly trunks. My OH even hates spending that on a business suit! I have never spent more than £120 on an item of clothing and that was my wedding dress!

bbpp · 23/07/2017 12:14

She clearly is struggling with money, and you clearly flash the cash hence the snide comments.

She didn't buy anything did she? She was just browsing. I wonder if she said something like "Uh I wish I could get something like that" or otherwise gushing over the unattainable items before you 'took over' her laptop and spent £450 on one item right in front of her.

Completely tactless. I'm not surprised she's reached the end of her tether, especially if you're swanning around buying whatever you like on a whim yet she can't have the same despite working.

That's not your fault, you're very lucky. You don't have to be sorry. You don't have to give her anything. But have some consideration.

Handsoffmysweets · 23/07/2017 12:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Code42 · 23/07/2017 12:23

The weirdest thing for me is that you go to see a friend you don't see often, and fairly on in the process, from your later posts, you both engage in non-essential online shopping

I don't give a rat's arse that you've spent the equivalent my month's rent on a pair of swimshorts, and wouldn't if I knew you. But indulging in computer browsing when I'm with you is just plain rude behaviour!

Handsoffmysweets · 23/07/2017 12:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

Namechangetempissue · 23/07/2017 12:36

Fuck me, they are some revolting shorts. Sorry OP, but they are foul. Like so bad I wouldn't take them for free. BUT if your DH likes them and you can afford £450 then I can't see an issue. I'm friends with people who have no money and people who are multi millionaires -I like them because they are nice people, not because of the way they spend their cash.

GreatFuckability · 23/07/2017 13:23

I couldn't. And its not simply because of how they spend their income, but the fact of spending the income that way being indicative of their values and priorities in life would be completely out of kilter with mine.

Miserylovescompany2 · 23/07/2017 13:32

I'm sorry you've lost a friend, OP.

Maybe the shorts were the final straw? Have you ever wondered why she stopped going to your home - because if you understood her reasoning behind that, plus, her non subtle remarks then I believe you would find the answer to why she no longer values the friendship you once had. (No degree in Pychology required)

arethereanyleftatall · 23/07/2017 15:01

I agree with the final straw theory.

You don't need a degree in psychology to know that if you invite someone round to your house repeatedly and they decline, they don't like you.

Sugarformyhoney · 23/07/2017 15:58

Seems bizarre thatagood friend would react so strongly to a situation unless there was some background and from this, I assume there is. It's also strange that you would see a friend you rarely visit and do online shopping.
I think you know the answer here, OP. I have very wealthy friends who would not be as rude or crass to shop from my laptop. I think you probably enjoy the superiority that comes with wealth, but unfortunately your lack of manners has probably lost you a friend here. Try and adjust your behaviour to be kind and dignified in future and I'm sure your friends won't be upset by the financial divide

Ellisandra · 23/07/2017 16:14

Handsoff I always think it's a bit pathetic when men don't buy their own clothes. Pathetic that the men don't bother, pathetic that the women don't have better things to do with their time!

Willow2017 · 23/07/2017 16:22

Your friend was vtiwsing on the website first but then went ape cos you bought something from it!

She isn't a friend. Friends don't act like that

Yep they cost more than my rent. Even if I had loads of money no swim shorts on earth are worth that
But that's your business nobody else's.

Don't apologise she is in the wrong throwing you out after going a long way to spend the day with her.

Willow2017 · 23/07/2017 16:24

Browsing on the site!!

FlandersRocks · 23/07/2017 16:33

pathetic that the women don't have better things to do with their time!

I find this a really weird POV. I buy stuff for dh now and then...either because I just happen to see something I think he'd like or needs or sometimes he'll ask me to - such as 'Oh are you in Debenhams? Now? Could you grab me a couple of joggers/pants/swim shorts' or whatever.

He's done it plenty for me over the years too...either just seen a top or summer dress he thought I'd like and picked it up or I've asked him to get xyz and he has.

I think it's strange to think that's 'pathetic'...that's just standard in a relationship surely, doing something nice or helping the other out!

MinorRSole · 23/07/2017 16:39

I agree Flanders, I'll pick up clothes for dh if I see something he'll like. Equally he has dashed to the local shop for tampons when I've needed them, just normal stuff to me.

CastIronCookware · 23/07/2017 16:39

I just hope that my friend doesn't remain subborn and she eventually comes round

It's telling that you are attributing the blame for this on your friends stubbornness. She is apparently very hurt and upset by what has happened, and whether that it reasonable or not - you seen unconcerned by that point.

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