To think that DH should have invited me?

[AVY1]

This is such a weird thing to be asking isn't it?!

DH went to visit a friend this weekend so they could go to a National Park. I've just found out that the friends partner travelled down with DH. At no point in the past two weeks has he mentioned that she was going or ask me to come too.

I've got no problem with him doing things on his own but these are both of our friends and it's just so weird.

All he's said is he thought my work would be awkward and he didn't know where DD would go. But that doesn't make sense because DD is with his parents this weekend (and she could have come with us anyway) and I'm literally at home, not working, doing DIY. (That he was supposed to have done two days ago so that I could paint today)

He's definitely with the friend as have seen pics. And also I know there isn't an affair going on. So I've been deliberately excluded. In the same text where I asked why he hadn't asked me to come he also said he didn't want to deal with this right now. Which suggests he knows he's been a shit, realised the girlfriend had sent me pics, knew what I'd be upset and has just rattled off the excuse he'd sold himself over such a bizarre lie by omission.

AIBU?

(Also , it's somewhere I'd asked if we could go to over the summer as I've always wanted to!)

Ring her if he won't answer.

I think that's why I'm not angry - I'm more worried that I've missed something. But nothing has seemed any different than our normal happy at all.

Weird. Is he going off you do you think?

Wonder what bullshit reason he has told them why you aren't there.

I would say I am 99.9% certain my DH wouldn't do this! It sounds weird, and even to then fly off the handle about it. Why would you not even consider mentioning it before you go that the girlfriend is going and let you make your own decision, even if you expect your partner to say no? And then to fly off the handle and not answer your phone? At least i would expect him to be apologetic about it! Are you not angry because you are talking to the girlfriend and she is mystified? She seems like a completely innocent party in all this! He sounds like he's trying to hide something.

It's weird.

My exDH did this regularly on nights out. would tell me the wives etc wouldn't be there. Inevitably he'd come home "xyz has been asking after you........"

i swear he did it deliberately. i did explain i was a little concerned they would think badly of me never turning up for group nights out. I asked him to check with the guys before the night so that if possible , i could come along. (in hindsight I could have asked the girls directly)

I cant figure out why he did it. Some of his friends could barely look me in the eye and were generally awkward around me. god knows. he continues to do this to this day if an invite to a family event goes to him - he'll not tell me about it or convey to me, by omission, that i hadn't been invited.

Stupid arse even went to the funeral of a his friends dad (ok was his friend first but also a family friend) without telling me when/where it was because in his eyes, ' he'd assumed id not want to go if he was there'

i think its about control and spite, and wanting to keep you in your place, subconsciously or otherwise.

Sad for you OP

I'm glad you told the friend instead of making excuses for your dh!

It's weird.

It sounds like he wants some space for whatever reason. Sorry OP

He told them I was working. Girlfriend just text me to tell me that and to say they'd left him at home alone while they go off for a romantic dinner!

Well if he has I certainly haven't experienced any standoffishness.

We both need space sometimes (it's linked to grief for me) and it has never once been an issue (except when I wanted to go on some research trips for work). We have a couple of days away usually, or one of us takes DD away and then we're fine.

Getting weirder now.

That's very mean and excluding. My DH and I were recently discussing the definition of marriage and we agreed that it included the other persons happiness was as important as your own, that is a deep and considered kindness to each other. This isn't it.

Which bit puppy?

He doesn't sound very pleasant.

He doesn't, does he? Something is obviously up.

Sorry cross posted with you, I meant the couple going out for dinner and leaving him behind was getting weirder.

How could he "preemptively assume you'd be pissed off and wound himself up about it"? That doesn't make any sense; it presupposes he knew damn well you'd want to go and deliberately left you out

She did it to make a point that he was going to have to spend the evening alone without having to actually confront him over it. Totally passive aggressive on the friends' parts but I'm ok with it.

very strange OP.
I'd be fucking furious mainly that he's gone somewhere you've been wanting to visit at a time when you could have easily gone.
I understand the need for time and space away-but it sounds like you usually both have this covered in your marriage? Which makes it even weirder that he's done this.
Leave him to stew over the weekend, I really wouldn't communicate with him unless it's face to face, it sounds like he's bouncing on the balls of his feet spoiling for a row as it is. Don't give him it.
I'm really pleased the girlfriend seems as aghast at most of us too.
(I personally would ask her to find out why he didn't ask you too as you've already told her you would have come.)

It sounds very strange OP, and I think I'd be a little concerned about his reasons. The fact he won't answer the phone to you either............ I'd be wondering what he wanted to talk to them about tbh.

He did know I wanted to go. I mentioned it a few weeks ago as somewhere we could go when he's off work! It's a long drive though and I know he won't want to do it again anytime soon!

I'm decorating our bedroom this weekend. I'm going to do it exactly how I want it now!

Our not this