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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU year 4 Isle of Wight trip!

343 replies

Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 21:26

I have a son currently 8 years old and he will be 9 just before this trip takes place in the Easter term of year 4.
It's always been the tradition at this school which is odd as no local schools do a residential 5 day trip until year 6 and even then our year 6 is far more local than the year 4.
Anyway, my son doesn't want to go.
He's a quietly confident boy, has lots of friends and socialises very well but has no desire to go on a holiday that requires him to be away from us and his sisters for 5 days.
We are happy for him to not go as very child led family and have explained he will need to go into another class to do his work or I will home educate him for that week if the school cannot offer provision but I'm dreading the meeting I'll need to have with the head regarding this.
Anyone done the same?

OP posts:
otterlieriver · 22/07/2017 08:03

That's not 'the' reason though, is it?

It's just that the DS is uneasy anyway. If it was a trip somewhere op could get to, she'd probably urge him to try. As it is, she can't.

youarenotkiddingme · 22/07/2017 08:12

It's simple.

School offer trip that requires parents to pay. Trip is extra curricular and not compulsory.

Parents who cannot afford it are usually offered payment made on their behalf through bursary/grants etc.

So school will offer trip and if your child doesn't attend will offer a meeting with HT. This is because schools need to find out if they need to make adjustments so child can attend.

If child doesn't attend school must provide alternative education - this is usually in a different class. They cannot enforce HE for the week.

So go to meeting, say DS doesn't feel ready to attend a residential and so will remain in school that week.
Nothing else, no discussion and stop over thinking it!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/07/2017 08:22

As for all those posters who've made sneery (yes really) comments about the IOW actually having doctors/hospital give your bloody heads a wobble.

I think that it is response to the OP coming across as if it's the back end of beyond. Which it isn't!

Maybe she should give her head a wobble too?

pilates · 22/07/2017 08:33

Agree with what youarenotkiddingme said.

School trips are optional not compulsory.

user1471134011 · 22/07/2017 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BhajiAllTheWay · 22/07/2017 08:37

Your choice. It is quite young so I understand the trepidation. But what exactly is child-led? So if he woke up one day not wanting to do something else e.g. go to school etc?? How far does child-led go?

TidyDancer · 22/07/2017 08:45

I went on a school trip to the Isle of Wight at that age and it was fab!

OP, in the nicest possible way I think you are overthinking this. It's not a daft idea for a trip, it's a wonderful location and I would guess the overwhelming majority of children will be going and will have a lovely time. If you don't feel comfortable with it, that's fine, but I would hope you would encourage you DS to have a think about it nearer the time and if he decides to go, don't let your own feelings stand in his way.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/07/2017 09:11

My DS went to IOW residential in Y4, possibly the same place.

I must admit I had a little wobble when it was first announced. It didn't help that I first heard about it at my first governor meeting as a parent governor and the governors had to agree to the proposed trip! Think it was the fact it included a ferry ride that made it seem so far away Shock

However, I agreed, along with the other governors that it was a good trip for the children to go on.

The children loved it. I might have been anxious when waving DS off, will admit to a few tears, but I am a very anxious person, and didn't want that fact to spoil DS's and the other pupils chance to have a fun residential.

When DS was slightly younger he went on his first cub camp. At that time he had never had a sleepover as he had never wanted to before. One of his friends was in exactly the same position. So we organised reciprocal sleepovers together with much of their cub camp kit, a few weeks before camp. Loved sleepover and loved cub camp, with no homesick problems.

If your DS is worried about going then it is fine for him not to go, but please don't project your worries on to him.

Why don't you try to arrange a few sleepovers over the holidays and see how he gets on. If he doesn't get on with them then a trip to IOW is probably a trip too far, but if he likes them it may give him confidence to go.

Brittbugs80 · 22/07/2017 09:15

Our school does a residential for three nights in year 4. My child didn't go because the lad who was bullying him was also going and the school had been useless at dealing with it.

But he had to go to the class in year above for two days which he loved then the school had teacher training on the last day which he was chuffed about.

So if he doesn't want to go, tell him that he needs to make his mind up by a certain date. He's 8, I'm sure he knows if he wants to go or not.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/07/2017 09:15

As for all those posters who've made sneery (yes really) comments about the IOW actually having doctors/hospital give your bloody heads a wobble

Actually,the expression you're looking for is 'wind your necks in.'

if you're going to be rude at least get it right and don't just use the latest MN phrase

And yes, I really 'did mean to be that rude.' Wink

Edsheeranalbumparty · 22/07/2017 09:35

I think some are missing the point that I physically cannot get to him after 11pm.

I agree with others that it sounds like you may be projecting your anxiety about this onto him. Also a bit Hmm at 'child led' and how far this goes.

However, if he really doesn't want to go he doesn't want to go. You don't need to make a big fuss or have a 'meeting with the head' or anything. Just tick the correct box on the form and be done with it.

Gramgram · 22/07/2017 09:43

The chances are that once he hears the other children talking about it and his teachers he will want to go. He'll have the chance to make decisions by himself, should he put clean clothes on or wear yesterdays muddy ones? Let's face it on school days its uniform on, breakfast, coat, book bag and right let's get out of the door. Yes, basic thinking for himself is one thing children get from these school trips as well as a whole heap of learning opportunities not available in the classroom.

If you are that worried about him why don't you book a week on the Isle of Wight at the same time, but don't let on, just tell the staff, so should he be so desperately unhappy you can go to him and reassure yourself and him that everything is OK.

Naicehamshop · 22/07/2017 09:48

What a stupid post Dame. Confused

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/07/2017 09:51

What a stupid post Dame. confused

Oh, do you think?Smile

Neonrainbow · 22/07/2017 10:09

Is "child led" a euphemism for "im not ready to let my son be a little bit independent so I'm not going to push him to try new experiences?"

Brittbugs80 · 22/07/2017 10:12

I think some are missing the point that I physically cannot get to him after 11pm

What do you think the chances are that you will have to get to him after 11pm? Does he have SEN? Or would he understand that if he got that hysterical, that it would take you time to get there?

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 22/07/2017 10:18

I'm not sure why people are feeling the need to be quite nasty.
Being child led is very much about the child so if he was ready and excited and eager to go then I probably would let him go but due to the distance and the impossibility of being nearby in the event he became distressed / unwell / had an accident I would have to go and stay nearby and my husband would take parental leave for our other children or if that wasn't possible they would have to be home educated by me for that week.
We don't have nearby family so that would be quite tricky but i would make it work if he wanted to go!

OP posts:
Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 22/07/2017 10:20

No he doesn't have SEN but he hasn't stayed overnight anywhere before so I would have no bloody idea how he would be come nighttime.
So I can't tell you the changes of me needing to go

OP posts:
otterlieriver · 22/07/2017 10:21

It makes total sense to me, OP.

It seems to me that if the trip was somewhere else, you'd encourage him to go (bearing in mind Year 4 is on the young side for a residential trip) as you can say something like 'Tell you what, DS, go on it and if you're finding it really hard, here is a phone, give me a ring or send a text and I'll come and get you.'

As it is, you can't do that.

Flowers
Alittlepotofrosie · 22/07/2017 10:25

So its easier for you not to encourage him. Got it.

Summer15coming · 22/07/2017 10:26

It's incorrect that there is no way to get to the IOW after 11pm. There are three different car ferry routes that carry on through the night. Only the passenger only services stop.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/07/2017 10:29

Completely up to you, he's your son and if you think he's not ready then just say no.

My DDs did all these trips when they were younger, one of them sometimes reluctantly, but always had a fab time and look back with great memories (now mid teens).

I could never have picked them up in the middle of the night as me and DH used to head straight for the pub when we were child free.

Edsheeranalbumparty · 22/07/2017 10:29

Being child led is very much about the child so if he was ready and excited and eager to go then I probably would let him go but due to the distance and the impossibility of being nearby in the event he became distressed / unwell / had an accident I would have to go and stay nearby and my husband would take parental leave for our other children or if that wasn't possible they would have to be home educated by me for that week.

If he was excited and eager to go you would 'probably' let him go? What would be the element of doubt?

Why would you need to take time off work/home educate and go and stay nearby? I'm not being nasty, I'm genuinely interested.

I have been on a few residentials and the only times that parents have come and stayed nearby have been in very special circumstances - eg. Where there is a severe medical need or the child has other additional needs which mean it's fairly likely that their parent may need to come and get them, at least for a portion of the time. Otherwise the parents stay well away and fully trust us to look after the children.

I have to say from reading your posts it's not surprising that your son does not want to go on this trip.

user1495025590 · 22/07/2017 10:29

Also bear in mind they would not tell you if he was homesick and wanted to go home because it creates a domino effect among the other kids

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 22/07/2017 10:31

I would be interested to see this as I looked and couldn't find any after 2300hrs. To get to Portsmouth would take 2 hours from here

OP posts:
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