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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU year 4 Isle of Wight trip!

343 replies

Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 21:26

I have a son currently 8 years old and he will be 9 just before this trip takes place in the Easter term of year 4.
It's always been the tradition at this school which is odd as no local schools do a residential 5 day trip until year 6 and even then our year 6 is far more local than the year 4.
Anyway, my son doesn't want to go.
He's a quietly confident boy, has lots of friends and socialises very well but has no desire to go on a holiday that requires him to be away from us and his sisters for 5 days.
We are happy for him to not go as very child led family and have explained he will need to go into another class to do his work or I will home educate him for that week if the school cannot offer provision but I'm dreading the meeting I'll need to have with the head regarding this.
Anyone done the same?

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 21/07/2017 22:56

I think some are missing the point that I physically cannot get to him after 11pm.

So what are the other 30 parents doing

OP this says far more about you than your DS - you don't want the meeting, you can't get to horn etc

What's wrong with him bing in another class? y6s spread out around school or if a few they do activities team building etc - you seem worried about another class? I'd assume your DS knows kids from other years?

DorisMcSweeney · 21/07/2017 22:59

I wouldn't ever let a child of mine go to The Isle of Wight. It's full of Tory voters and old people driving Volvos. God knows what would happen to them. Luckily my DS's school trip is to Mogadishu this year.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/07/2017 22:59

My Dd2 went in a residential trip in Y5 and absolutely hated it. So when the Y6 trip came up, she was adamant she was not going. And she didn't.
All of her friends wanted her to go, but she absolutely refused.

She spent the week at school, helping the younger dc and loving it.

She's 23 now and has travelled extensively around the world. Including a trip to Vietnam on her own. She also spent a term at a university in USA.

So OP, do what is best for your child, do not make him go. It wil make one iota of difference to him, if he doesn't go.

peachgreen · 21/07/2017 23:00

I'm not sure why OP is getting such a hard time. I do think it's a weird choice for a first residential trip - not because the IOW isn't lovely (it is!) but because they are very young and if they really were inconsolable in the night and wanted to come home, they couldn't. Most schools build up to a big residential trip that's at a distance with shorter stays that are more local. I used to teach and there's always one of that age group who needs to go home. They're only wee.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/07/2017 23:00

*not one iota of difference.

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 23:00

I don't really care what the other 30 parents are doing.
If they're happy to let their kids go good for them but I would still think it ridiculous even if he wanted to go!
I'm not sure what I would do if that were the case as he's been against it for as long as I can remember!
He does know other kids I'm sure, along with his sisters but he would feel uncomfortable especially as it looks as if he will be the only one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 23:02

Peach green - cheers and you're spot on.
He could possibly be the one wanting to come home and how can he?

OP posts:
AndNowItIsSeven · 21/07/2017 23:03

My dc go end of year two for six nights. Year four children are not babies.

Hulababy · 21/07/2017 23:03

Peachgreen - bone of the y3/4 children I've known have ever wanted to come home from a residential. Don't know a parent either professionally or socially who've have to go and pick up either.
Many children of this age are definitely up for this kind of trip, as is shown by the vast majority uptake of the OPs child's trip.

elephantoverthehill · 21/07/2017 23:03

All in all I am quite surprised that child led families do not engender children who want to be independent. Just musing.

NotMyPenguin · 21/07/2017 23:05

I don't think you're being OTT at all, I would have hated to go on a residential trip at that age -- especially one of that length, though. Five days is WAY too long to be away with people you don't know well for the first time. And fairly far away too, or at least too far to do a quick pick up if needed.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I wouldn't make my child go if they didn't want to either. I also get what you mean by 'child-led', and I don't understand why you're getting a rough ride on this post.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/07/2017 23:07

"My dc go end of year two for six nights. Year four children are not babies."

Bully for you. Some children just don't want to go away with school at that age. DD was 16 the first time she went away with school because she just didn't want to go before then. She is going to New York next year, but she now has some proper friends that she feels comfortable with.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/07/2017 23:13

The whole school curriculum
Is supposed to be based on the individual child.

Why are some people so thick, that they can't see what may be right for their child aged 8, is NOT always appropriate for every other 8 year old child.

It's really not difficult!!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/07/2017 23:17

If my nine year old wanted to come home from a trip because he wasn't enjoying it then I'd collect him but I wouldn't not let him go as there aren't ferries from 11-4am! A nine year old is capable of understanding that parents will be arriving asap and not that very instant Confused

milliemolliemou · 21/07/2017 23:21

OP. I can sort of understand you being concerned since your DS has never been away from home and you feel you can't reach him 11pm-4am because it's the IoW if he desperately wanted to come back. What I can't understand is why you feel concerned about meeting the HT to discuss? Your OH is a teacher so you know how it works. So why not go with your reasons and reservations? Are you afraid of being persuaded into it? After all he is quietly confident, has loads of friends and will be with teaching staff and you could collect him the following day if the first night was awful, though that would be a waste of money, I can see.

CrowyMcCrowFace · 21/07/2017 23:27

Hmmm. I think obsessing over the 'but I couldn't get there after 11pm!' thing is a bit telling.

It's not a great idea for dc to be picked up from residentials because of anxiety in the middle of the night, anyway. The idea is that you cheerily wave them off without suggesting that this might be a thing. Teaching staff will cope with the occasional upset.

I'm perhaps a bit impatient with this sort of wudgering because I'm a teacher myself & run lots of residential trips, but IME 9 times out of 10 problems are parent problems.

(obviously some dc couldn't, wouldn't, shouldn't go on a trip of this nature because they absolutely hate the idea. Fair enough. But I'd be giving reasonably robust encouragement to any of mine if they just didn't fancy it).

Having said all that, if you disagree that's cool. I definitely parent on the 'better drowned than duffers, if not duffers won't drown' end of the spectrum!

In which case, bollocks to meeting the HT. Just send a polite email explaining that your dc does not wish to go & your parenting policy is to accept that, so he will not be participating, & you are happy for him to have alternative provision made for him in school, or to Home Ed that week. Job done.

Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 23:29

it's a real shame he doesn't want to go... we go to the IoW every Easter too.. its just fantastic .. so much to see and the Ferry over is just wonderful x

Witchend · 21/07/2017 23:29

I think some are missing the point that I physically cannot get to him after 11pm.

You are missing the point that you are exceedingly unlikely to need to get to him at any time, let alone after 11pm.
I've got 3 dc spread over 7 years and in all the years they've had at school I know of one child whose parents had to fetch him home from a residential. And that was during the day (trod on something that went through his shoes and into his foot).

Thinking about it, I know of 2 children who have had to be fetched from a local A&E after accidents/taken ill on a day trip. One of them was a 6 hour round trip for the parents.

budgiegirl · 21/07/2017 23:32

Why don't you encourage your DS to do a sleepover with a friend, or a family member, to see how he gets on? I know you've said he's never wanted to do it, but have you given him much encouragement? Or you go away for a night and get a grandparent to stay at yours to ease him in gently.

I think some are missing the point that I physically cannot get to him after 11pm

This does sound to me like you are quite anxious about the trip. If a child is going to be terribly homesick, this tends to show itself right from the beginning of the trip, not just after 11pm. Of course, he could wake in the night, and get upset then, but generally he would just need reassurance and help to get back to sleep.

I've taken many 8 year olds away on cub camp, and only once have we had to phone parents because a child was too upset to stay. And that was by 7pm on the first night. A few times a child has woken in the night and been homesick, but we've always managed to tuck them back up with their cuddly toy, and they've drifted back off to sleep. Then they've been so pleased in the morning that they stayed.

GreenTulips · 21/07/2017 23:34

I think we all understand

But it's better to go with DS isn't ready - DS feels DS says etc

Take him to the meeting to see where etc he'll be staying - he might just change his mind about going

Turvey94 · 21/07/2017 23:35

If he's very sociable and his friends are going, then maybe talking to them might help him make a more balanced decision?

Residential trips often boost confidence, help build relationships and introduce children to concepts and experiences which can have real positive impact. It seems a shame he doesn't want to go when all his friends are.

PinkCrystal · 21/07/2017 23:36

Mine wouldn't be going either. Its your child so dont worry what others think. Mine did a 3 day one about 1.5 hours away in year 6. They also did weekend camps with cubs and brownies from 7. But your one sounds too much.

There is always a fee kids that can't or won't go so your child won't be on their own. Even if they are it will be fine!

elephantoverthehill · 21/07/2017 23:37

Crowy I like the S&W reference. Smile Unfortunately the IW ferry is a ferry, unless the school residential is to UKSA.

Redsrule · 21/07/2017 23:41

Well there are ferries at midnight, 3am etc so not impossible to reach at any time of the day/night.

ArcheryAnnie · 21/07/2017 23:41

YANBU to not send your kid on a trip that you are not ready for. (And I am pretty sure it is you that is not ready, even if you are right about him not being ready too - and that's totally OK. I was pretty overprotective of mine at that age, I understand that all too well.)

YABU to describe your decision as "child-led". Whoever said this: "I'm sorry it just sounded so wanky, like the rest of us want to see our dcs carted off crying on trips as we are adult led families." hit the nail on the head.