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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU year 4 Isle of Wight trip!

343 replies

Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 21:26

I have a son currently 8 years old and he will be 9 just before this trip takes place in the Easter term of year 4.
It's always been the tradition at this school which is odd as no local schools do a residential 5 day trip until year 6 and even then our year 6 is far more local than the year 4.
Anyway, my son doesn't want to go.
He's a quietly confident boy, has lots of friends and socialises very well but has no desire to go on a holiday that requires him to be away from us and his sisters for 5 days.
We are happy for him to not go as very child led family and have explained he will need to go into another class to do his work or I will home educate him for that week if the school cannot offer provision but I'm dreading the meeting I'll need to have with the head regarding this.
Anyone done the same?

OP posts:
AntiopeofThemyscira · 21/07/2017 23:52

No way would my year 4 child be going on such a trip. It's debatable if she will go on the year 6 one our school runs. We will see nearer the time. Do t be nervous about meeting the HT, what are they going to do? Order you to send him? Threaten you with detention. And don't take any notice of the sneery answers on here either. My child won't go and she won't be in school either if she doesn't go. I will HE her, probably take her away somewhere myself.

budgiegirl · 21/07/2017 23:58

No way would my year 4 child be going on such a trip. It's debatable if she will go on the year 6 one our school runs

Can I ask why? I can understand if a child is not ready to go, but IMO, it's quite another thing if it's the parent who is not ready to let a child have these experiences by yr 6

Chattymummyhere · 22/07/2017 00:03

Our school do residential trips to various places from year 3. Honestly apart from missing home a bit the first night what exactly is going to happen between 11pm to the next ferry? They won't exactly be out building sand castles with the sea around their necks or climbing trees at that time of night. Most school trips the kids are going to or in bed around 9pm.

My oldest is the child with lots of friends but the shyer less confident one, he was all umm ahh duno about his residential but he bloody loved it once there infact he loved being away from his siblings and spending more time with his friends. Didn't hear of any child needing to be collected or anyone being rushed to a&e that's more likely to happen on a day trip out statistically.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 22/07/2017 00:04

No you can't ask why. It's not something I wish to share on here. Hope you understand.

ArcheryAnnie · 22/07/2017 00:08

Antiope if you don't want to say why your kid won't be going on trips, that's up to you. But it's a bit rich to call others "sneering" for saying why they do allow their kids to go on trips.

I'm overprotective, I own that. I am much less so now that my kid is a teenager, but I had to be persuaded to let him go on the pgl trip in year 5. And it was great, he loved it, it was really good for him, and it was really good for me, too. And maybe it won't work out so great for everyone else, but it's worth raising the possibility that it might, it really might, and nobody wants their kid to miss out on stuff.

flickerty · 22/07/2017 00:25

My DS went on a residential aged 9 that involved a flight! I was nervous but he loooooved it.

And thinking, Op, if the worst happened it wouldn't be after 11pm. It would've been lights out for ages before that.
The 'worst' would happen during the day with their activities - I'm talking broken arm bones etc. You'd be able to get there then no problems.

I was the one kid (well to me I felt like the only one) who wasn't allowed on the IOW trip in year 5. It broke my heart to see all my friends going. I wasn't allowed because my mum didn't agree with residentials, she was too scared. I told my friends it was because we couldn't afford it Confused

MissEliza · 22/07/2017 00:40

As a TA I have found children grow immensely in these trips. I have accompanied three year 4 residential trips and they have been very successful. I wish my own children had had the chance.

SE13Mummy · 22/07/2017 01:14

I've not done the same but I've been the teacher who's stayed behind with the couple of children who weren't allowed to go on school residentials. I've also been the teacher who has gone on lots of residentials and my teacher DH has had to negotiate flexibility from his school or local friends to help out with childcare for our DD.

If the idea of a school residential on the IoW doesn't work for your family, and you don't think you could sort before/after school care for your other children for the five days so you could stay locally, then don't send your DS. In my experience, children are very different when on a school residential; some who appear quite quiet at school, become loud and lively whilst some of the more dominant children quieten down because they are out of their comfort zone. Children who are particularly anxious or homesick are well-supported, as are their parents thinking back to last year when colleague and I spent hours on phone to anxious parent.

Does your DS ever have friends to stay at your home? If he isn't comfortable being separated from you and his sisters, would he want a sleepover at all? If you're thinking that you might be happy for him to go on the Y6 residential, occasional sleepovers with friends would be good training.

As for the meeting with the headteacher, just say that you don't feel comfortable with your DS being on the IoW. It might be useful feedback for future trips.

Expellibramus · 22/07/2017 01:24

OP could you report yourself please for having two threads. You must find it quite difficult to keep up

I'm sure she'll cope, I find reading passive aggressive replies quickly helps me to not feel so sorry for the poster's lack of intelligence.

LeakyLittleBoat · 22/07/2017 01:32

I'm another who thinks this is more about what you want/don't want than your son. Frankly, I believe you're going to do what you've already decided in your child-led family fashion (again I never hear this without getting the feeling it's more about the clingy, hovering parents than the kids) regardless of what anyone here says so why even bother putting it to the question?

Pengggwn · 22/07/2017 06:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pikachuwithyourmouthclosed · 22/07/2017 06:59

I understand you OP. I have a 9yo who sounds similar to how you described your son - confident, lots of friends, not anxious at all. My son DID NOT want to go on Cubs Camp last year. I was surprised. I would have been very happy for him to go (his sisters are sleepover junkies who leap on any opportunity for solo adventures). But, for no real reason, he didn't want to go. I initially tried to jolly him into it and address his worries, but when that didn't work I listened to him and he didn't go - to the shock and consternation of every other adult involved! Didn't matter. We played it down and that was that. He didn't go. No regrets.

elfinpre · 22/07/2017 07:02

They can stay at PGL from aged 7. DD2 did PGL for 4 nights at that age. I'd be trying everything that I can to encourage him so that he doesn't miss out.

Pengggwn · 22/07/2017 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cubtrouble · 22/07/2017 07:11

What's a "child-led" family?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/07/2017 07:17

No you can't ask why. It's not something I wish to share on here. Hope you understand.

We're yes they can ask.

You can choose not to answer

You can't dictate what questions people ask!

Caprianna · 22/07/2017 07:25

My children were not ready for residentials at that age. It would have been too early for them.

Pengggwn · 22/07/2017 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElfrideSwancourt · 22/07/2017 07:30

I do think you are very anxious OP. My DDs both went on residentials on IoW and it never crossed my mind that I couldn't get to them overnight and I am quite anxious, although they are both very confident and had already been away from home many times.
As a primary teacher- schools do residentials because they are really good for the children- not because we love taking away 30 children for a few nights!! They all grow and bond so much on residentials, it makes all the mopping up of vomit and lack of sleep worthwhile.
I had quite a few parents say their Y3 children didn't want to go on our residential last month but they did send them, and they all had a brilliant time. In hindsight it was very much the parents rather than the children who didn't want to go.
I wouldn't force a child who really doesn't want to go but it might be worth just putting down a deposit and not make any more payments for as long as possible to give you a bit more time. They will be talking about it lots in school all year, and he may well change his mind
WRT 'child-led' parenting- you are still the parent and of course you are being sensitive to your child but sometimes you need to be the parent, and encourage him to go.

BertrandRussell · 22/07/2017 07:35

Just tick the box marked "no"

No need to have any meetings with anyone.

LAlady · 22/07/2017 07:39

My children's school did residentials from year 3.

I struggled to let them go; them not so much. Really enjoyed it and I'm pleased that they went (they are 16 & 14 now).

Just say no if you don't want him to go. End of.

LadyintheRadiator · 22/07/2017 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

otterlieriver · 22/07/2017 07:52

I'm a teacher too and I disagree with Crowy

I've done year 8 residential trips where a child has got upset - often the one you'd least expect - and I think year 4 is a bit young.

I think if he's not comfortable op don't push it but ask him if he'd like you to put down a deposit anyway to give him the option of changing his mind?

Naicehamshop · 22/07/2017 07:55

I work in a primary school and we don't offer residential trips before Y5 - I do think Y4 is quite young for this sort of trip, and your ds is not unusual in not feeling quite ready for it.

Don't worry about your meeting with the head, just calmly explain that your ds isn't happy about going (there may be an option to opt in later on in the year).

As for all those posters who've made sneery (yes really) comments about the IOW actually having doctors/hospital give your bloody heads a wobble. There is a poster on here asking for advice in a perfectly reasonable way, why not respond in an equally reasonable way??

saoirse31 · 22/07/2017 07:57

Your reason for not letting him go, - that u can't get there at night, seems v unreasonable to me. But it's your decision.

I'd give over with the child led family stuff tho, you don't want him to go and therefore are not encouraging him to go, that's your decision being honest.

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