AIBU year 4 Isle of Wight trip!

[Twistedpantsagain]

I have a son currently 8 years old and he will be 9 just before this trip takes place in the Easter term of year 4.
It's always been the tradition at this school which is odd as no local schools do a residential 5 day trip until year 6 and even then our year 6 is far more local than the year 4.
Anyway, my son doesn't want to go.
He's a quietly confident boy, has lots of friends and socialises very well but has no desire to go on a holiday that requires him to be away from us and his sisters for 5 days.
We are happy for him to not go as very child led family and have explained he will need to go into another class to do his work or I will home educate him for that week if the school cannot offer provision but I'm dreading the meeting I'll need to have with the head regarding this.
Anyone done the same?

To me it's a lot as I'm at home so we are on one income and have 4 children but to he vast majority in this area it would be peanuts!

We put £20 a month away for a few years to afford for ours to go on these trips - it's not a 'surprise' the kids know when/where the others go -

BUT schools should and do take cost into consideration

Our residential was £350. It was overpriced, and not worth it. Whether saving up £20 a month for it, or not, doesn't make it any better value.

I would NEVER pay that much. That is a mortgage payment/monthly food shop here.

I am still boggling at all the children coming out "sobbing their hearts out" and being told by their parents that they were going, tears or not. Seems very odd

Agreed. The only people I've ever seen come out of school crying are parents on the first day of their child starting primary.

Me too! In fact, mentioned that to a friend today in case it was just me who found it very strange!

I suspect the meeting with the Head mentioned in the letter would be to try and allay any fears parents may have. the discussion could be around teachers/TA's he's most comfortable with, friends he'd like to share with etc. The OP would also have the opportunity to discuss putting down an affordable (to lose) deposit for the trip with the option of cancelling in October.

In the meantime, as has been said, the summer holidays are a great time to encourage sleepovers. Chat to the other mums/dads and sort out a few amongst his peer group who will be going away on the trip.

When I said 'bargain' I meant if you break it down that's £70 per day which includes board, 3 meals a day, activities, ferry and coach ride plus insurance. It's a hell of a lot of money to come up with but if you try and book all those things separately I doubt you'd get it less than £70.

That makes more sense Dame

I would NEVER pay that much. That is a mortgage payment/monthly food shop here.

You get at least 6 months to pay, in installments. Often 12 months. Still a lot of money if you haven't got it but having payments spread out makes it more affordable.

It's a lot of money- but that's what PGL type weeks cost.

£350 is a lot of money, but that is a standard cost for these type of trips. You're getting a lot for it - coach, ferry, accomdation, food, all the activities, dedicated instructors, plus the teachers costs need to be covered as well.

But, however good the value is, it's still a lot of money for some people to find, especially if you have more than one child. Many schools are willing to give financial help.

And ridiculous to have it somewhere relatively inaccessible for parents in case of emergency. It would honestly have coloured my view of the school if this is the kind of judgement they exercise

Really? The IOW really isn't inaccessible. Some schools do trips abroad at that age, and my local brownie group recently went to Disneyland Paris.

I think the judgement is perfectly sound, but I can understand that some children are not ready for residential trips. It doesn't mean the school should not offer them to the children who are ready.

From this letter we don't get 6 or 12 months to pay as payment is due in October! So they've told the kids on their last day of school and we have a grand total of exactly ELEVEN weeks to pay it! Not easy when more than half of that is during the summer holidays so when we will spend the most money.
But we could just about pay it by then and would happily do so if he wanted to go.
The fact he is so determined not to is making me think it's a lot of money to lose but I will try and see if the head will take a deposit rather than the full anount.
The destination for us is not accessible easily by any means and for a child who has never stayed away and doesn't want to stay away is of course a worry in case he wanted to come home.
My husband, a teacher cried so much at 11 years old his mother had to come and collect him from his year 6 residential!
And he had been made to do many sleepovers and so on before then to "prepare" him.
Luckily it was an hours drive at at 2am she brought him home.
Not the same choice if this happened to our son.

But if they do it every single year without fail you knew it was coming up?

BR - PGL weeks cost twice that.

We did but some of the kids wouldn't. And some of the kids would and were worried as siblings didn't enjoy it etc

DS' school used to do 3 day residentials for a joint Yr 3 / Yr 4 cohort, but with teacher changes has now moved to only Year 4, still for 3 days. They'll go to Ironbridge this time.

DS has only stayed for about 4 nights in total at other people's houses but will be going as it will help him with independence, getting himself ready for bed without endless faffing, sorting his own teach, chosing meals etc. DS goes into Yr 4 in September and is only 8 in August so will be one of the younger ones going but we feel it would really help his group / social skills.

He'd love the ferry if they went to the Isle of Wight. I'd just say that he is going as his year group is going, and get him involved with preparation e.g. buying clothes / trainers if necessary, chosing suggestions for packed lunches, deciding who he'll room with. DS is wobbly over going, but it's good for him to gain that bit of independance.

teach? teeth

Teeth exactly!

I wouldn't have wanted to go either at that age. When we were in year 4, us and the other middle school feeder went away for 4 days to get to know each other and I hated it. I cried everyday and wanted to go home. To the PPs saying it's so far away, for me that would have made it worse. I would have worried and worked myself up in the months before. If he doesn't want to go, don't send him. YADNBU

Thanks it's interesting so many think I'm over reacting however replies like this show me that I do need to listen to him!

Well yes of course you need to listen to him but you cite the examples of your husbands enforced bad experiences and I'm wondering if your son has been party to hearing about these? It all seems a bit extreme with the crying and anxiety. And the kids leaving school sobbing upon being told about the trip is just beyond weird. I have sympathy OP but try to work on his fears a bit too...

I have 3 older kids. No.s 1 and 3 loved school trips. No.2 hated them and asked not to have to go. No big deal. I didn't maker her go. She happily stayed behind. No drama. No consequences. (they are now teens and 20 somethings).

I can't believe so much fuss is being made by so many here about not sending a kid on a trip he doesn't fancy (which is pretty pricey as well).

May i add - i went on the end of primary trip to the Isle of Wight when i was a kid. I hated it . And the ferry experience wasn't ''wonderful'' for me. I threw up there and back.

Nope never spoken about it front of him. I'm not an idiot! Although many here believe i am

I think you are over reacting in the sense there is no need to make a drama out of the whole thing.

If your son definitely does not want to go, is getting anxious and crying over it and you do not want him to go then it is really very simple, isn't it? You simply meet with the head as requested and explain that you do not want your son to go, in part because your son has decided he does not want to go. You could ask if the school could take a deposit, in case your DS changes his mind, and if the head teacher agrees then take that path. If not, then simply decline to send your son. No need for a fuss, the school can't force you to send him.

I agree it is important to listen to your child when they express an opinion on these sorts of things. I wouldn't force a child of that age to go on a residential trip if they were dead against a trip after suitable consideration. However, it is also right to encourage them to think about these sorts of things and not simply go with a gut reaction, to talk things through and explore their worries/fears to see if these are well founded or not, and to see if there is a reasonable way to overcome/tackle any problem,s/worries (where that is sensible). I also think it is important to encourage children challenge themselves, within reason.

I think it is also sensible for parents to acknowledge where our own anxieties and worries can rub off/be communicated to our children. It sounds like OP and her husband have quite a lot of worries/anxieties of their own regarding this trip and wonder if this has been communicated to their DS.

I find it very odd that children would leave the school sobbing about the trip. Mine was ridiculously excited about being given the option of going on a foreign school trip (same age) and even her friend who was far from keen to go was not so upset at the prospect of an optional trip.