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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU year 4 Isle of Wight trip!

343 replies

Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 21:26

I have a son currently 8 years old and he will be 9 just before this trip takes place in the Easter term of year 4.
It's always been the tradition at this school which is odd as no local schools do a residential 5 day trip until year 6 and even then our year 6 is far more local than the year 4.
Anyway, my son doesn't want to go.
He's a quietly confident boy, has lots of friends and socialises very well but has no desire to go on a holiday that requires him to be away from us and his sisters for 5 days.
We are happy for him to not go as very child led family and have explained he will need to go into another class to do his work or I will home educate him for that week if the school cannot offer provision but I'm dreading the meeting I'll need to have with the head regarding this.
Anyone done the same?

OP posts:
Lavabravacava · 21/07/2017 22:10

Our school also does a Y4 trip. My DS has been looking forward to it FOREVER and so have his friends. I think you should gently encourage your son as this will be a huge bonding moment for the class. He will have all of f5 and f6 with the other kids saying 'remember when....' I think he will regret his choice.

If he was genuinely frightened or didn't have any friends I might feel differentl, but just not keen - I'd encourage.

elephantoverthehill · 21/07/2017 22:10

OP could you report yourself please for having two threads. You must find it quite difficult to keep up.Smile

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 22:11

Somewhere I could jump in the car and go and collect him if it got to bedtime and he was inconsolable I would be happier to give a go and do my best to talk him round but it's impossible to get to after 11!

OP posts:
TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 21/07/2017 22:12

I did say 'slightly OTT".

But it's clear you've made a decision and are determined to implement it. Please, talk to the school calmly about your concerns and you will almost certainly find them amenable to letting you make a later decision.

BTW my oldest boy had only ever spent one night away from the family before his year 4 residential (in unavoidable circumstances) and still rejects sleepovers as a teenager. But he understands that school residential can help him.

It was a wholly positive experience for the kids in all my kids' years, from a very mixed variety of backgrounds, and lots of them had never been away from family or away from home without family.

ParadiseCity · 21/07/2017 22:13

We are a penguin bollard led family. Would be the perfect trip for us.

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 22:13

It may well have a hospital but it won't have his parents! So something awful happens and I can't physically get there? Awful choice of place for such young children.
I was hoping others may have been in the same position hence posting in education too.

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/07/2017 22:13

I doubt he'd be inconsolable on a school trip with his mates. The ferries start up again at 4am iirc.

elQuintoConyo · 21/07/2017 22:14

DS went on a 3-night residential in May. He is 5.5yo (i have not idea what year4/year 5 means!). Last year he camped overnight in the school playground (his primary runs a summer school for 5 weeks over summer). He was a bit nervous, but after we told him we'd come get him if he wasn't enjoying himself, he had a whale of a time. So he is doing it again next week.

They are the only nights he has had away from us in his whole 5.5 years. And we co-slept until he was 3.8yo.

I'd play it by ear with your ds. Don't mention meetings or deadlines or payment plans etc. Play it down. If you are nervous, he'll be nervous.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/07/2017 22:15

It's a perfect place for a trip- beautiful, fun ferry ride, lovely beaches. Will he being staying at the school campsite place? It's great there.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 21/07/2017 22:18

Try not to worry about your meeting with the HT.

I agree, Y4 going further away than the Y6 residential as well as the same length of time seems odd. Most schools do a Y4 trip for 3 days and a Y6 trip for 5 days. Although my school only do a Y6 trip or 3 days and the only school in the town that does. The others do 2 x trips for 3 days then 5 days. However, it depends on what the focus is during the residential and what the centres have to offer. That could be the reason behind the difference in distance from home.

There is no obligation for your child to go although school are within their rights to insist your child is in school albeit in a different class. Some schools unauthorise absences for 'home education' during this time but others allow it at the head teacher's discretion.

It may be a good option to have the meeting, voice your concerns and tell the HT that 'at this time' your DS will not be attending the trip. If you and DS are adamant, stand your ground. BUT never say never! Ask if the offer can still be open to attend the trip closer to Easter just in case your son changes his mind. I know parents 'know' their own kids but 8/9 months is a long way away and who knows what could happen during that time; peer pressure for a start.

Basically, say no but ask if the offer will still be open nearer the time if your son changes his mind.

BusyBeez99 · 21/07/2017 22:19

Jeez cut those apron strings. Kids go off to Pgl alone aged 7

halcyondays · 21/07/2017 22:21

If he really doesn't want to go , then don't make him. Trips are great if you want to go, at our school quite a few didn't go on the P.6 trip, more went in P.7 but still not everybody.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/07/2017 22:25

“but I'm dreading the meeting I'll need to have with the head regarding this”

Why do you need to have an awkward meeting with the head? When DD was at primary school she didn’t want to go on any of the residentials, so she didn’t. She wasn’t the only one. The school was a small one and had mixed year group classes so it didn’t matter that she was in another class for a day or two.

“The school can't force you to send him.”

This ^^

elephantoverthehill · 21/07/2017 22:25

Yup you are correct OP, it is an awful choice of place for young children. We do however manage to bring them up, get to a hospital when needed and god forbid if any child needs any specialist medical care they are air-lifted to a hospital on the mainland. If you live in Southampton it would be quicker to get on a ferry to the IOW than drive to Bristol for example.

Witchend · 21/07/2017 22:25

I had a very nervous ds in year 4. he hadn't spent a night away from me and he wasn't sure he wanted to go. I felt it was more important that he went than his dsis who were leaping up and down and couldn't wait.

He arrived at school looking like he was off to be executed. And, despite an incident with the coaches that meant he was 8 hours late back, exhausted and tired, had an absolutely wonderful time and it gave him huge amounts of confidence that he could handle it.

Let the school know he's not totally confident with the idea and let them sort it out. He'll probably love it when he goes.

Strawberrybubblebath · 21/07/2017 22:26

I would encourage him to go. Most of the children going will have similar worries but teachers will be used to this. Mine were really anxious about going (REALLY anxious) but they were still determined to go and when they came back they were almost different children. They seemed to have grown up so much and they were absolutely full of pride in themselves. They talked for ages about what they had done and the, "Do you remember on Residential when........." stories go on through their whole school life. They all bonded as a year group. Honestly it was so good for them.
For me - I missed them terribly!

Bluetrews25 · 21/07/2017 22:30

If you have a positive, 'all will be fine and you'll love it and be sorry to miss it' attitude he will feel the same. He's not too young, and will most likely be fine!
He will have to have a first time away at some point - let him learn (and you!) that no harm will come, and he will have SO much to tell you about!
I think he's picking up your anxiety.

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 22:47

I think some are missing the point that I physically cannot get to him after 11pm.
I'm not an anxious person, so doubtful he's picking anything up and we've never discussed it in front of him, just calmly said if he isn't comfortable with going, he doesn't have to but he may well have to attend school and go into a different classroom.
I don't think he would like this so I will suggest home education for that time as I am able to teach that curriculam for him however all down to the HT obviously to what she agrees to.

OP posts:
HiJenny35 · 21/07/2017 22:47

What difference does it make if they have doctors there, the kids doesn't want to go, mum doesn't want him to go, doesn't matter if everyone else's child went and liked it! I went on a school residential at 11, hated every minute and wished I hadn't gone. I wouldn't let mine go on a residential before the last year of primary school. You're the mum, don't worry about what anyone else says or the head just don't let him go. Keep strong with the head and just repeat 'I appreciate how nice the opportunity is and that the children I well looked after however I am not happy with my child going at this age.' End of, don't say the child doesn't want to or they may try to change his mind just say you aren't happy with it. End of conversation.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/07/2017 22:50

You do sound very anxious OP, especially anticipating the need to get to him between the hours of 11 and 4am. Even if he did need to come home it could wait until 4am.

Fair enough if he doesn't want to go but it does sound like a lot of this is coming from you.

MimsyFluff · 21/07/2017 22:50

I would send my DD's we're up north but I'd go, stay somewhere else on the island pick up DD's before the school left and spend a few extra days there.

If your with 3 hours of the ferry port you should send him. Does he have any relatives he can stay over at to prepare him? We did this with our DD before their camps.

Firenight · 21/07/2017 22:52

If he doesn't want to go then don't send him.

Year 4 isn't too young though. They go at year 3 in my kids' school and my DS (who still cosleeps at home) has already had some brilliant overnights with the Beavers.

If your kids is dead set against it, fair enough but do try not to sway him with your fears. Trips like this are a key part of school life and growing up and brilliant for kids' confidence.

KERALA1 · 21/07/2017 22:55

He's picking up on your anxiety.

Original poster
Twistedpantsagain · 21/07/2017 22:55

Wouldn't work with me going as husband is a teacher therefore cannot take time off and I have 2 more children in school.
I appreciate it sounds anxious but it's a daft place to choose when it is restricted when I can get there IF I needed to.
Really daft idea.

OP posts:
Itsafunnyoldgame · 21/07/2017 22:56

Someone has mentioned PGL, my ds2 age 11 has just come back and he bloody loved it, it was his 1st trip away from us so he was teary, but he certainly didn't miss us while there Grin

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