AIBU year 4 Isle of Wight trip!

[Twistedpantsagain]

I have a son currently 8 years old and he will be 9 just before this trip takes place in the Easter term of year 4.
It's always been the tradition at this school which is odd as no local schools do a residential 5 day trip until year 6 and even then our year 6 is far more local than the year 4.
Anyway, my son doesn't want to go.
He's a quietly confident boy, has lots of friends and socialises very well but has no desire to go on a holiday that requires him to be away from us and his sisters for 5 days.
We are happy for him to not go as very child led family and have explained he will need to go into another class to do his work or I will home educate him for that week if the school cannot offer provision but I'm dreading the meeting I'll need to have with the head regarding this.
Anyone done the same?

Sparkletastic,
Really appreciate your post as I feel exactly the same.
It's really strange as they don't have many trips at all before this massive one in year 4? Just a day trip to a local farm in year 1 and nothing else!
It just doesn't seem to have been thought through at all.
The teacher was a good teacher however not personable and quite strict. I don't think she would gave intentionally scared them but I don't think she would have felt she needed to " sell " it to some of them either

You sound very passive OP. What do you say to your child when he "doesn't fancy" eating his greens, washing his teeth or practicing his maths? Trips like this are extremely important for a child's social development. You seem to have no concern for how he is going to feel when the rest of the class comes back buzzing, which they always do, full of stories and in-jokes. All the friendships will have strengthened and the group dynamic will be deeper. Does being child-led mean you really have no concept of knowing better than a child where his best interests lie? I'd be interested to know, how do you actually, like, parent?

I'm finding it interesting that all the people disagreeing with me, well the majority, are coming across as quite rude individuals!!
I parent like the majority I would imagine, he is encouraged to do things he doesn't want to if they're important, such as cleaning his teeth and eating different foods and so on and we've never had an issue with any of that.
Generally if you give children a choice they learn to make the right one I've found!

Do you really feel that accusing people who are trying to help of being rude is the way to go? Are you sure it doesn't come over that way because you perceive disagreement as some sort of implied criticism of your parenting?

Being asked how i,like,parent is just plain rude

OK, if you are only interested in opinions that agree with yours, I'm out.

I would argue that there is no need for a yr 4 child to go away. Telling the OP that it is akin to not brushing his teeth seems a little hysterical.

I agree that there is no need for a year 4 child to go away. But, having had one who could and one who couldn't, the one who could had far more choices open to her than the one who couldn't. She could choose whether or not to do things based on whether she would enjoy the thing. Rather than having to say no because she couldn't spend the night away from home.

Aw he'd probably enjoy it when he got there! I remember very fondly my primary school residential trips.

They did start us small though with one night away not far from home (but that was in year 3 so really very young).

Can you afford to sign him up anyway? Then make the decision nearer the time. He might be very disappointed not to go when it comes down to it.

It does seem like a very strange school - are you happy with it in other ways? Our kids go on a couple of trips a term right from reception, so they are used to be out and about learning about the world together. It does seem v. strange to have no trips at all apart from one in Year 1 and a residential in Year 4. That and kids sobbing their hearts out after being told they are going on a residential all sounds a bit pants to be honest. And the parents telling their sobbing kids to suck it up don't sound like the kind of the parents I'd like my kids around either. Do you have any options to swap schools? Not because of the trip, but in general it doesn't sound like a great match for you.

OP your child your decision - my older dcs all started overnight school trips at Yr3 and also Cubs - which coincidentally was a Cub camp during February half-term to the Isle of Wight! They without exception loved it (aged 8-9) - not under canvas obviously too cold in February. Their school is very good at day trips and as I said from Yr3 they are overnight. They are NOT compulsory! You and your son don't want him to go - END.

If he doesn't want to go here should be no reason to make him. He may of course change his mind, which may be a bigger problem nearer the time...

OH has just come back from a three day local residential with yr4 and every night there was a child physically sick for home and more than one needed collecting late at night.

I'm surprised the school doesn't have alternative provision; I didn't attend a residential in y6 (!) and the few of us remaining had a great themed week at school!

Now I get where the other thread has spun from!
So, here's my tuppence-worth:

If you son doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to. Simples. But, I would make sure that he is making this decision from an informed position rather than one of ignorance. By that, I mean, that you should talk-up the positives of him going. You don't have to make the decision for a couple of months; it's not like it is urgent. Also, take this opportunity of the summer holidays to encourage him to go on sleepovers. I'm not surprised that he is daunted by going away from home for a week, if he doesn't have the confidence to stay with a friend. If he can't manage that yet, can you set up a tent in your back garden for him and a friend, so that he can experience literally not-sleeping under the same roof as you?

The talk about not being able to get there during the night, is a bit of a red-herring imo. That's just your anxieties playing up, and though you say you haven't discussed it with him, he will be picking up your anxiousness from your tells.

I can understand some of the anger from using the term 'child-led family' - and I say that as someone who would describe themselves as child-led. You can be child-led whilst encouraging new experiences and you can be child-led and say 'no' (it's more about the unnecessary automatic 'no' when there's no good reason). As I said at the start, if your son doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to. But ensure that he is making an informed choice.

As for 'home-educating for a week' I'm glad to see that you've stopped saying that, as it's a ridiculous phrase. We home educate. You would just be skiving or not going to school with the school's permission. To home ed, you would need to deregister, and then your son may not get a place at the same school the following week. Given's Jon Platt's recent court-case, they (LAs etc) are coming down hard on people who try to deregister to get out of paying a holiday fine.

I am still boggling at all the children coming out "sobbing their hearts out" and being told by their parents that they were going, tears or not. Seems very odd.

This time last year I was in your position, we we give notice that the yr 4s were going on residential and we would need to pay our deposit by the 2nd week in September. My DD is the youngest in the year (31st Aug birthday) I was so sure she wouldn't be able to cope with being away as she's never even had a sleepover!

We went to the meeting, we paid our deposit and hung on to se how DD grew and changed. She was scared and worried that she would 'waste' our money if she didn't end up going. We reassured her that she could change her mind up to the morning she left.

She was very unsure until after Christmas when she had a sudden period of growth both mentally and physically. She voiced her worries and between us and the teachers we reassured her that it would all be okay and answered any specific questions. As we got closer to the trip we all kept up a very positive attitude to her going. She was nervous the days before but we encouraged her and were positive about going. We delivered her to school the day of the trip with assurances that staff were able to contact us at any point. She got on the coach and never looked back. 3 days later we picked up the happiest, somewhat dirty, child who was unbelievably proud that she had gone.

Your child will change in the next few months, encourage and say 'lets see how you feel closer to the time' end of term is the wrong time to ask if he wants to go, tiredness, change and they think in the here and now not in 9 months.

Hard to wait and see if she needs to pay soon. Honestly it is totally fine to not send him. Don't get why this is making people so het up. I sent all mine btw but know loads that didn't. Children didn't go for a variety of reasons no reason is more valid than another if he doesn't want to go.
I think I would talk to the school. There may be an option of paying a deposit and still backing out but there is the poss that you could lose that money. But ultimately it is YOUR choice.

Thanks, don't have £350 to just spend for the sake of it to be honest.
I would happily lose £100 by paying that as a deposit but I couldn't afford to lose more than that.

Bloody hell that's more than folk round here could pay. There is literally no chance we could afford that so child would not be going.

If you had said Aibu to not spend 350 quid on a trip my child doesn't want to go on think most would have agreed 😊

Is that expensive then for this kind of trip?

If you/he don't want him to go on it that is ok DS's first residential was in P7(Y6) which was no trouble at all, not sure how I would have felt about him going 2 years earlier.

He will grow a lot in the next 8-9 months and be much more independent next year. This was around the age when ds suddenly spent a lot of weekends at sleepovers with his friends (sometimes two-three nights in a row in different houses). Your ds might feel very left out/embarrassed next year when all his friends are excited about going and when they ask why he isn't.

If it was me/ds, I would pay for the trip in the expectation that he would want to go with his friends and in-between now and then encourage his independence away from mum/dad and longer sleepovers away from home.

The location wouldn't bother me as much, most residential trips I know of discourage contact with parents during the trip anyway as it makes an upset child inconsolable. An serious accident is very unlikely, but if it did happen he has teachers with him until you can get there.

It's a funny thread this. OP your question is totally reasonable - my Ds wouldn't have been able to go on a trip like this in Y4 but there are SENs in the picture. But this year - y5 - he has been making his first trips very successfully and it has been brilliant for him! My DD was making trips to Cubs camp in Y4. It's not that bizarre. I think it is because you have made it about "parenting styles" that you have had testy answers. Also I don't really understand what you are asking. If you don't want him to go, keep him back, or put him in a different school. It's nobody's business but your own. But you sound very detached from the real world and it doesn't sound like you are encouraging your DS to go out into the world either.

Can I ask how I sound " detached " from the real world?
Aside from this trip we love the school so that would be daft to remove for this reason!

It's a bargain for the trip but totally depends on own personal income.

A bargain? Good lord it must depend on where you live. People in this area would find that a lot of money. Really shouldn't be surprised that its not a lot to some I suppose. But I am 😊