To be so so sick of financially controlling DH

[raininginjuly]

I know I'm not being unreasonable but it does get me down.

I was in a part of town today and I said it was near a large supermarket and I could nip in and get some bits we needed. Cue moaning from him about it being a waste of money and can't I go to Aldi (which isn't that much cheaper.)

It's SO annoying. He's always been a penny pincher but has got so much worse over the years. I really worry about the kids being bullied because of him refusing to buy them decent stuff (luckily I do stand up to him on this.)

It sometimes feels as if we can have no fun as even if we do manage to do something nice it's like you can constantly feel him breathing down your neck.

I just don't know how to handle it or him. My own parents were the same! We have no money issues by the way - he's just stingy.

I wouldn't be entitled to Tcs if I left either. It's a tricky one.

I wouldn't be entitled to Tcs if I left either. It's a tricky one.

what makes you think so. you currently earn £500/month - you would get a significant amount on that with young children. Maintenance payments are not counted for TC purposes.

It's wrapped up in business though which I'm reluctant to sell as ultimately it's a long term ticket to freedom

what is wrapped up in business?

Money it's counted as savings.

for TC only the interest counts, not the saving.

I'm afraid this isn't correct.

yes, it is correct for TC

Really, it's not or at any rate doesn't apply in my case. Trust me I have asked, I even had a thread on here once about it with poster after poster adamant that it didn't matter how much I had in savings I could claim TCs. I even rang them up as posters were so convincing. They have said every time no, you can't claim if you have over X amount in savings and assets are counted as savings.

Would you like me to email the TCS office and send you a screenshot of their reply?

I really shouldn't have to but it's not pleasant to be passively aggressively accused of making stuff up.

I'm going to dereg but I'll PM you my email before I do so you can get in touch.

I would suggest as you work from home that you try to join some groups in the area eg running, knit and natter, book or drama or rambling, With, something free. I think the problem is that you feel that your choices are currently limited and your self esteem is low. Get out and meet some other people. You seem probably from the outside to have an enviable life, but I think you feel that it is a guided cage. I think that you also need to appreciate the simple things in life eg good health, a partner. Do you think you can work outside the home once the children go to school? What plans do you have for the future? Can you do some volunteering?

You have been the primary caregiver to the children.
He often works to 8 and is not home until 9.

If he has been threatening you in any way with the custody issue he is talking out his arsehole.

(That sort of talk is pure abuse if it has been happening, btw).

Raining - don't dereg please.

Move the thread to Relationships.

Math can we get it moved for her? I don't want her to dereg, but I think this thread here in AIBU is just scratching the surface.

Raining please don't dereg, ignore the toady twats a lot of people want to offer help. It's a good idea to move this thread to relationships.

Wow, I really hope Raining doesn't de-reg and yes we can ask MNHQ to move it to Relationships but they will ask Raining if that's what she'd like to happen before they move it (been there before).

It drives me mad when people tell you that your own experience is "Wrong" - happened to me over my endowment mortgage, my brother kept insisting I could just increase payments, I rang the company and they said "No, you can't", but his IFA kept telling him I could so of course I Was Wrong. Except I wasn't.