To find it annoying when people tell me I'm stunning

[Notpretty]

I am actually a very physically unattractive young woman. I'm overweight by 2 stone, I have really thin hair, vey strong,manly features. I am not, and have never ever been physically attractive.

I do not lack confidence. I am aware of my strengths and I am proud of what I have achieved, but looks I do not have.

Yet since I can remember people tell me I'm beautiful. My boss even told me she thought I was stunning. People tell me I should be a model and I'm beautiful.

But I am absolutely not. Proof of this is that I have never ever even been asked out on a date and I've been single my whole life. Men do not find me attractive and I am not physically attractive at all.

Only women and gay men tell me I am, never heterosexual men (you know the people that would actually know).

People mean to be kind but AIBU to find it a bit annoying. You know in yourself that you're not pretty, you know it's not true and people are just saying it to be kind. I'd much rather they complimented me on something that's true (like I'm eloquent or something like that).

Telling me I'm beautiful when it's plain as day that I'm not is just, insincere and annoying. aibu?

Photos or it didn't happen

Telling me I'm beautiful when it's plain as day that I'm not is just, insincere and annoying. aibu

I think you are confusing two separate things here - one is how someone looks objectively compared to the rest of the world and the other is how someone subjectively views you.

How Someone Looks Objectively Compared to The Rest

There are some people who are physically objectively more attractive than others judged by normal standards - Brad Pitt compared with say Andrew Marr or John McCririck (horse racing man with side burns).

Very few people are at either extreme of that scale; there are very few people who are model standard, jaw dropping beautiful. There are also very few people who are objectively repulsively ugly. Have a good look around next time you are among crowds and you'll see what I mean.

This means that most of us fall in the middle - people in the middle tend to be attracted to people who are like them or the same level of attractiveness. This is biological - if all women only wanted to mate with Brad Pitt there would soon be human extinction.

How Someone Subjectively Views You

Because of this evolutionary need for all humans to mate, there will be people who find you subjectively stunning and genuinely mean it. But because you think on the objective scale you are not Eva Longoria or young Liz Taylor, mentally you can't accept it.

I was once chemically obsessed with a man I was insanely attracted to. He was like a perfect Greek God in my eyes - honestly if he was in a room I couldn't stop looking at him. With no clothes on, he was absolutely perfect in my eyes (but he had no sign of a six pack!). I thought he was the most perfect handsome man I had ever seen. On some level, I suppose I recognised that on the objective scale others wouldn't have rated him Brad Pitt attractive/sexy - but I couldn't really see that.

So when I was saying "you are the most handsome sexiest man I've ever met" I totally totally totally meant it.

You are being unreasonable because you aren't allowing yourself to accept that someone may really feel like that about you.

I get told that I'm beautiful, or that my hair is nice, or that I look fit. I'm always a little embarrassed. If it is from a friend, I thank them because I know they're being nice. If from some unknown man, it annoys me because I don't like to be objectified. When I was younger I got told that I was stuck up, or that I must reckon myself - I was just very shy.
I don't get asked out often, but do get stared at. I think I have a very striking appearance, once beautiful, now handsome face. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, which I appreciate.
I think some men are just aggressive towards women who are out of their league.
OP if you want to be asked out by men, the best thing is just to go out of your way to be friendly. Are you shy with men that you find attractive?

I am pig ugly and I don't think anybody has ever told me that I am stunning - it would be a stupid thing to say.

I think therefore that you must be at least attractive for people to comment.

Didn't you post recently about overhearing interviewers saying you were stunning?

Writing style is identical

The thing that is strange about this is...

Does anyone here ever go out of their way to tell someone they're stunning, even if they are? I don't - unless they're clearly fishing for it. I assume that they were aware or don't care.
I compliment people on talents they have more than how they look.

Maybe what they a saying is that they find you attractive not necessarily saying that are attracted to you

It is annoyingly when people think they need to boost your confidence as you have said you are comfortable with who you are

I often get told I have a nice curvy figure I am overweight and fat just it happens to be that I have curves becuase that is my shape when I was slim I had a curvy figure yet I am told more often now than when I was in good shape and yes it's mainly by women. I know I look tubby I don't need others to try and make me feel better about myself or is it about them I often wonder

PurpleDragon76 I love your mind, it's so sharp and you give great comments....

I know what you mean. I was always the 'ugly' friend that was left on the sidelines whilst my friends were chatted up. My dad always told me I was stunning!

Now, I think I see more of what they saw, if you get me? I look like jo Wiley/ cate Blanchett (or so I'm told). I'm thrilled with that. I understand they aren't conventionally pretty (some would say) but they are super attractive to me. Mainly because they're strong, confident and able women.

It's taken me forever to realise that matters much more than the outside package. I'm defo attractive now but I havent changed the outside.

@TheZeppo - Wiley and Blanchett!!! You must be gorgeous.

Anyway, yeah I feel that the OP is fishing. I never tell anyone they look stunning and if someone said it to me I would think it odd, even if I WAS stunning. (I am ok! Not ugly - not a supermodel!) I don't need anyone to compliment me to make me feel 'better.' I am confident enough with how I look ta.

What really fucks me off is EVERY time I see this woman my DH works with, (I see her maybe every 3-4 months-ish,) she tells me I have lost weight. And I never have. In fact I have gained it before and she has said it. I find it condescending and sycophantic. I don't need bolstering thanks, and don't need comments about my fucking body shape and size!

Aww thanks Notknown

It's defo the nose

I go to a Yoga class and the male teachers wife is referred to as beautiful by all and sundry .People don't tend to use her name, it's "Hi Beautiful", her Husband starts every Facebook post with my beautiful wife.Its all very strange, she's has a lovely personality but in my eyes, she's not beautiful, but I'm in a minority's in thinking this, she has a massive female following.

Notknown she sounds like my MIL, every single time she sees me she asks if I have had my hair cut. Every. Single. Time.

The thing is, I pretty much never have - it's July now and my last haircut was November! I don't do different styles or anything either, generally a crap 'mum' ponytail. I'm sure people just say things like that for something to say.

Thinly disguised boast post

Op this is an interesting discussion. Why arent you joining in?!

I've only ever told my DD and brides that they look stunning, I think it's a very special word and can't imagine anyone using it on an everyday basis.

If I met someone who was stunning I really don't think I'd comment on their looks.

I agree Stunning is a big statement. It's astonishing, breath taking, mind blowing, incredible.
Are you sure you're not mis hearing and they're saying Stubborn?

Jokes aside, however good looking you are, confidence, poise and how you carry yourself is everything really. If you hate the way you look, you won't radiate that confidence or be comfortable in your own skin.

Just accept the compliment for what it is. I'd be delighted I don't understand all the angst.

Op? Are you still here? We're all talking and you're not.

Please post a pic, I will be honest, it's one of my best self declared traits

Sycophants Unite

I really, really doubt it's because of your looks that you've never been asked out on a date. Especially if lots of people have said you are stunning, everywhere you go Hi, Samantha Brick! You are not worthy of us. We are mere mortals compared to you. It's such a burden being so beautiful...

Omg post the damn pic already

Didn't you post recently about overhearing interviewers saying you were stunning?

Oh God, I remember that thread! Utterly bizarre!! Is this the same person?

YANBU. Maybe all those people are being sarcastic

maybe they're taking the piss? which is very unkind, but if you're as unattractive as you say what other reason could there be, unless they just feel really sorry for you so are trying to be nice. ?