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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it annoying when people tell me I'm stunning

176 replies

Notpretty · 21/07/2017 20:27

I am actually a very physically unattractive young woman. I'm overweight by 2 stone, I have really thin hair, vey strong,manly features. I am not, and have never ever been physically attractive.

I do not lack confidence. I am aware of my strengths and I am proud of what I have achieved, but looks I do not have.

Yet since I can remember people tell me I'm beautiful. My boss even told me she thought I was stunning. People tell me I should be a model and I'm beautiful.

But I am absolutely not. Proof of this is that I have never ever even been asked out on a date and I've been single my whole life. Men do not find me attractive and I am not physically attractive at all.

Only women and gay men tell me I am, never heterosexual men (you know the people that would actually know).

People mean to be kind but AIBU to find it a bit annoying. You know in yourself that you're not pretty, you know it's not true and people are just saying it to be kind. I'd much rather they complimented me on something that's true (like I'm eloquent or something like that).

Telling me I'm beautiful when it's plain as day that I'm not is just, insincere and annoying. aibu?

OP posts:

Ragusa · 21/07/2017 20:47

Yeah safe gingergenius. FWIW I'm not being flippant, i'm probably about 3 stone overweight and 5 foot 8 and i dont look bad... more amazon than swallow but not bad ...

Littlechocola · 21/07/2017 20:48

Why are heterosexual men the only ones that could judge what stunning is?
surely people would just not say anything if you were fugly?

CalmItKermitt · 21/07/2017 20:48

Please pm me a pic. I'm really interested.

KatherinaMinola · 21/07/2017 20:49

I agree with everything DCITennison has said.

But I don't know why you refer to heterosexual men as "the people who would actually know". I'd say women and gay men are pretty good judges of appearance and spend plenty of time scrutinizing others.

As you must know, people can be stunning and overweight, stunning with thin hair and all the rest of it.

SamoyedSam · 21/07/2017 20:49

I'm completely weirded out by this thread. And are you actually sending your picture by PM to people who ask you on here for the love of all christ please don't do that?

Flushot · 21/07/2017 20:49

Everyone sees themselves differently pm me a pic and I'll be straight with you.

Ragusa · 21/07/2017 20:50

Me too. Pic please. Will give an honest appraisal :)

ASDismynormality · 21/07/2017 20:50

I'm getting a sense of deja vu, did you post the same thing a while back OP?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/07/2017 20:50

I wonder if you're bringing it up? If someone is very vocal in putting themselves down and openly criticising their looks, it's most people's reaction to reassure that person and point out their good points.

You wouldn't describe a friend as "manly featured" or "overweight". Why not be kinder to yourself?

I know many people that aren't stereotypically beautiful but strikingly attractive.

That said, it's hardly the worst thing in the world to be called Stunning.

Flushot · 21/07/2017 20:50

You don't have you though I'm not being weird

eatingonlyapples · 21/07/2017 20:51

Pic please, will be honest

Original poster

Notpretty · 21/07/2017 20:53

There's no way to attach a photo via PM anyway.

But thepic would be a disappointment anyway.

😂

I am confident. My looks don't concern me. I don't think you have to be pretty to be someone of worth. I think that's why I find it annoying. I'm not pretty but it really doesn't matter and I'd prefer to be complimented on something that's true rather than people try and make me feel good by saying I'm a stunner!

OP posts:

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/07/2017 20:53

What's the point in pm'ing your picture? You've already said you don't believe anyone complimenting you is sincere.

gingergenius · 21/07/2017 20:53

Original poster

Notpretty · 21/07/2017 20:54

I've never ever even commented on my looks. Never mentioned my looks at all.

Everywhere I go people go on about me being stunning. It's like they feel they need to compliment me on something and just say that. They don't think it, they're just being nice!

OP posts:

myrtleWilson · 21/07/2017 20:54

Hmm those asking for a photo - aren't you likely to get a dick pic or something??

Epipgab · 21/07/2017 20:55

Walk along the street and you can see couples of every appearance. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How else did the world's population get so big if most people aren't supermodels?

dowhatyouwish · 21/07/2017 20:56

I really think it's unfiar to yourself to assume that you are ugly to absolutely everyone. Large, skinny, slim women all manage to find partners who like them for who they are. Stunning women get cheated on with women who are "uglier" than them. Also not all guys go for looks. I think maybe you haven't been asked on a date for a different reason maybe. Also even if you PM a pic to someone, it'll be rude for them to confirm and say "oh yeah you are ugly". I think rather than accepting a loveless/partnerless life (if you want one) then, I would suggest you start believing that you may not be beautiful to the whole world but you are beautiful to many!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 21/07/2017 20:57

PM me your pic?
People don't usually use stunning if you're not attractive, that said I don't buy the too good looking for men to ask out-plenty of chancers will give it a go, they're not always going to get told to fuck off

buckeejit · 21/07/2017 20:58

Everywhere you go people say you're stunning?!!!

Have you been likened to any celebrities?

Flushedwithsomething · 21/07/2017 20:59

Totally get this. My family always told me I was super beautiful, should be a model, was better than others. I'm actually just tall but quite ordinary, and an average siz 10/ 12. I'm not hideous but it was a bump to earth moving away from my small home town and realising i'm not cindy mark #2.

parrotonmyshoulder · 21/07/2017 21:00

My DSIL says this about herself. And she believes it. She's not fishing for compliments. She has a really negative self image in lots of ways.

But...I find her stunningly beautiful. I love to look at her. I'd love to look like her (especially as she's ten years younger than me!). I'd also like to wear her clothes and be as funny as her.

It's all so subjective.

MsStricty · 21/07/2017 21:03

Another possibility: body dysmorphia.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/07/2017 21:05

It's not that much of a burden to be called Stunning everywhere you go is it? Just change the subject or don't reply and they should stop banging on about it.

Ginkypig · 21/07/2017 21:05

Right notpretty.

I think I might know what you mean and I might be in a similar category to you. I don't get nearly as many people as you telling me that though! There have been a few occasions where it happened and I think it's because I'm not standardly sorry that's not a word pretty but have a sort of unusual look which some people find interesting and a few have found possibly appealing for example twice Iv had photographers want to take my picture because they thought I was "interesting" I have a partner so it's not an issue I really have to deal with but Iv never been an "man attracter" like my friends have been.

I'm not really that interested in looks and I'm not unhappy or infact care about my outwardly appearance to others as long as I'm cleaned and have clean situation appropriate clothes on then so what.

Pm me your pic and il be honest ok.

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