To find it annoying when people tell me I'm stunning

[Notpretty]

I am actually a very physically unattractive young woman. I'm overweight by 2 stone, I have really thin hair, vey strong,manly features. I am not, and have never ever been physically attractive.

I do not lack confidence. I am aware of my strengths and I am proud of what I have achieved, but looks I do not have.

Yet since I can remember people tell me I'm beautiful. My boss even told me she thought I was stunning. People tell me I should be a model and I'm beautiful.

But I am absolutely not. Proof of this is that I have never ever even been asked out on a date and I've been single my whole life. Men do not find me attractive and I am not physically attractive at all.

Only women and gay men tell me I am, never heterosexual men (you know the people that would actually know).

People mean to be kind but AIBU to find it a bit annoying. You know in yourself that you're not pretty, you know it's not true and people are just saying it to be kind. I'd much rather they complimented me on something that's true (like I'm eloquent or something like that).

Telling me I'm beautiful when it's plain as day that I'm not is just, insincere and annoying. aibu?

OP, you want to know if you really are attractive to heterosexual men. But the truth is, who amongst this group do you expect complements from? Work colleagues? Friends? I have female friends and work colleagues who I find very attractive, but I'm not going to tell them so because I don't want to be a creep.

I think most men are the same. The rest mostly don't give a shit about women's feelings and make rude remarks.

As others have said above, perhaps your looks scare men off. Even at the age of 40 very attractive women make me a bit nervous because I worry they think I'm eyeing them up. Perhaps you're a bit forbidding. Buy there is also a third alternative: maybe you aren't meeting men in the right circumstances to get complements.

In my experience OP, men ask women to go out with them because they feel a connection and think they are nice, friendly, relaxed, funny, caring etc...

Yes they need to find them attractive, but if someone is coming across as insecure, frosty, superior, lacking a sense of humour, intense, angry, depressed, defensive... (you get the picture) then "stunning" or not, they won't ask them out.

I'm not saying this is how you come across as I don't know you but, it the problem is not people telling you you look good but really that you would like to be asked out more... then forget what you look like and focus on how you feel about life and those around you. Be happy, kind, gracious and comfortable in yourself. If you need to loose weight do lots of exercise / eat more healthily - your good vibes will be attractive to others.

Good luck!

Everywhere you go people tell you your stunning? Either a) no they don't or b) you are stunning.

Stunning can mean different things, my friend isn't conventionally pretty but is stunning. She's like a more ginger Cate Blanchett. She's really skinny as well and hates it but honestly she could be a model. Similarly my SIL isn't 'pretty' but she has gorgeous skin and really interesting features (a roman nose, big slanted green eyes) and often looks really striking. Both of these women are stunning in a way that I am not, despite me being much more conventionally attractive.

That said, I call bullshit from the OP. If you're that much of a plain Jane then compliments would be about your personality or achievements, or more about your dress sense or something than your actual looks.

I am very overweight but I have been told I "carry it well" I also dress to suit my shape ( no designer clothes all high street ) and I take care of my hair and skin when I remember

I have been told I'm pretty etc, I actually think I am sometimes and I'm not boasting by saying that, other times I look absolutely atrocious like today, my hair needs colouring, bags under eyes, eyebrows need doing etc.

I have one feature that I like and that's my eyes, I have accepted that they are nice, they stand out. I feel shit about myself most of the time but I know that if someone said I have nice eyes I would believe them.
If they said I should be a model I would piss myself laughing. I'm 5ft5 and 17 stone.

You must know how you rate on the stunning-o-meter op, when you look in the mirror, be subjective, I wish you would post a pic. I would. I have no problem with that as I know that I am ok in my own skin.

Attractiveness is hard to explain

It really is. My husband, for example, obviously finds me attractive - I'm blonde/grey, way too tall, overweight with a permanent resting bitch face.

He also fancies: Keira Knightly (small, petite, the antithesis of me), Nigella Lawson, Helen Mirran, Meryl Streep and Cheryl Cole (or whatever her name is these days).

However, as he knows he wouldn't stand a chance with women who are young enough to be his granddaughter with anyone else, he stays with me.

PS as a heterosexual woman the only one I don't understand him fancying is Keira bloody Knightly.

Often when people tell me I look like les Dawson I am thrilled, so I can imagine it's very difficult for you at the other end of the spectrum.

Sorry OP.

This thread reminds me of one I saw on another forum where people were saying who they looked like. One poster named a number of very attractive celebrities / singers etc - she apparently is often told she looks like them...

I have a charming colleague who constantly describes other female work contacts / colleagues as 'beautiful', and every time I think 'I don't care! Why are you telling me that this woman is beautiful? Tell me something relevant like that she is a whiz with Excel or very sharp with contract negotiation.' But every time it goes 'Katie is our contact at X company - such a beautiful girl!'

Roald Dahl summed up the whole inner/outer beauty argument perfectly

What a odd thread..

Quack,

Indeed it is.

Yeah, I find it a right fucking bind, too.

Have to smile, short overweight and and always have been.
Got asked out so many times as a young girl, never stunning but sprt of pretty and finally found out why I got asked out so much about 5 years ago by an ex school friend.
and I quote.
"I always wished you had said yes to a date, as you were so much fun as a young woman, we all loved being out when you were part of the group, so when I met my wife I asked her out within 5 mins and married her within 3 months..."
Seems it's not what you look like but that you make people want to be your friend.

Oh yes if course, people tell me I am stunning all the time and I just hate it

That was pure sarcasm. Nobody says that to me but I don't care. I'm distinctly plain and average looking but I can scrub up well when I need to and have my good days.

I completely agree with whomever quoted the late and great Roald Dahl. I've met people I have thought are attractive until I've gotten to know them and they've been awful. Then I don't find them attractive physically anymore. Also the exact opposite of this has been true.

Zeezeek
I think Keira Knightley is beautiful, as is Cheryl whatever name she is this week.
The others not so much.
Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.
Thankfully.

Just realised I said 'distinctly plain' which is a bit of a contradiction in terms!

I think Keira Knightley is beautiful, as is Cheryl whatever name she is this week

I might be a tad irrationally jealous, so being a bitch

My husband, however, always went for "looks" and used to swear that he would never fancy anyone who wasn't beautiful. I know his ex wife and she is incredibly stunning - think Grace Kelly, and the one before me (similar to the blonde from ABBA) - then he ends up with me. Think he's still surprised tbh

zee- maybe he likes collecting wives?

You obviously are very beautiful to him.

I have never had a compliment on my physical appearence from a man. Never. I have had compliments rarely from friends of the 'oh you look nice'. I have zero confidence in ny face and body. If someone told me I was stunning and I felt they meant it I would be made up!

To me the compliments that are slightly patronising are the 'you look nice' 'you brush up well' etc. I genuinely don't think stunning is a loosly banded about saying, I think its a high compliment. Next time OP, smile and thank them because I don't think everyone that has said it to you is making it up.

Zoflorbore - I think he's just channeling Rod Stewart and collecting blondes lol

I have reread the op and this doesn't make sense. In the second post, the op says she is 'genuinely rather ugly.'

Op you must have a theory about this. What is your view on how you can be 'very physically unattractive' (your words) yet people tell you you are stunning and could be a model? You must have thought about it a lot over the years.

Most of us have a realistic view of our physical attractiveness. However confident we are, or not, we have a sense of how attractive we are.

zee

Only women and gay men tell me I am, never heterosexual men (you know the people that would actually know).
(Haven't read 6 pages of comments so may be repeating PP but...)
Why would other women (some of whom will be gay) and gay men not know what stunning looks like? I'm gay but I can recognise a stunning man when I see one (though admittedly "stunning" is subjective)
But yes, it must be terrible to be called "stunning" by anyone. I'd hate it. I'd probably be or outraged. Positively spitting feathers.

2 women (1 gay, 1 straight) I work with have recently referred to 'Stunning Kev' who comes into our workplace. Today, I (bi female) met 'stunning Kev' and was underwhelmed. It's all very subjective.

I'd just smile and take it (well, I wouldn't, cos me. I'd pull a stupid face and say 'Still stunning now?' Or something equally as annoying) if people called me stunning. Life's too short for over-analysis.