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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About shagging a funeral director?

199 replies

6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 14:45

Online dating and I'm matched with a really nice man. I find him attractive, conversation is good, it's all going well ... until I find out that he is a funeral director Shock
I had to stop then. He touches dead people all day!
I know some people must shag funeral directors (unless they are all consequentially celibate??) but I don't think I could bring myself to go near one with a barge pole! AIBU?

OP posts:
JustCallMeKate · 21/07/2017 20:03

Smithw. Nah, he's a vet, his bloody hands go places I can't think about Grin

Admirablenelson · 21/07/2017 21:26

Fall, as in fall pregnant. Always sounds like an unfortunate accident to me.

Admirablenelson · 21/07/2017 21:31

Sorry, wrong thread!

BabychamSocialist · 21/07/2017 21:41

It wouldn't bother me. DP is in the forces so has probably come into contact with dead people!

I did once date a gynecologist though and couldn't get over the thought of his job!

Original poster
6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 21:45

Thanks History. You sound delightful too Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
6079SmithW · 21/07/2017 21:46

Lol JustCallMeKate Grin

OP posts:
Ollycat · 21/07/2017 21:50

So he's kind and compassionate- sounds great boyfriend material as well as the type of person you'd want to trust with loved ones who'd passed away. You are deffo BU!

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 21/07/2017 21:53

I think it's quite attractive, the whole 'I'm respectful and compassionate to dead people thing' that I hope they've got going on.

Obviously it's your choice op but you could do worse. If he's good, he's never going to be unemployed.

My Grandad recently died, there was a lot of pomp and ceremony about the funeral directors role that I found quite curious and interesting.

BoysofMelody · 21/07/2017 22:03

I did once date a gynecologist though and couldn't get over the thought of his job

Me too. She was so good at her job that she decorated the hallway of her flat through the letterbox

FlaviaAlbia · 21/07/2017 22:03

I don't get the squeamishess about bodies tbh. Haven't you seen loved ones laid out before they're buried?

It's comforting to seeing them lying peacefully, especially if you've seen them in pain or distress before they died.

lazycrazyhazy · 21/07/2017 22:15

Our local funeral director was a lovely man with a family. It's now run by his daughter so still in the family.

Where I grew up I also used to play at a school friend's house which was above her father's funeral business with a sort of barn out the back where the hearse would come and go. I remember thinking it was vaguely interesting as a child (junior school) but again they were a normal family and actually that one is also still in the family, I just checked.

So I'd say they're normal people, hopefully doing a valuable job.

PurpleAlerts · 21/07/2017 22:18

Seriously? Funeral directors have to be discreet, thoughtful, caring, considerate human beings to do what they do. They see people through to their final journey and deal kindly with grieving relatives.

The ones I have dealt with have been just lovely.

Daisy17 · 21/07/2017 22:23

My grandfather was a funeral director. He was so full of kindness and compassion. He spent so much of his time caring for the bereaved. This was a while back so I think he did touch the dead bodies himself, as you put it. But as a final act of respect. It sounds like it might do you good to get to know him and develop a more mature attitude towards the natural process of death and dying.

Highlyinternational · 21/07/2017 22:23

My first LTR was with an undertaker. He also embalmed and that's far more 'hands on'. He was highly professional, and like most undertakers, had a fantastic sense of humour and was a real empathic 'people person'.
Nothing wrong with handling deceased. They're virtually sterile, they're clean and looked after, they don't smell, and ultimately they're someone's loved one.

I'd be far more concerned about the emotional stress he'll bring home, the 'how was your day, dear?' is going to be colourful as he'll be dealing with car accidents, children, babies, senseless deaths, and so on, not just elderly dying peacefully in their care home beds.

Highlyinternational · 21/07/2017 22:25

My first LTR was with an undertaker. He also embalmed and that's far more 'hands on'. He was highly professional, and like most undertakers, had a fantastic sense of humour and was a real empathic 'people person'.
Nothing wrong with handling deceased. They're virtually sterile, they're clean and looked after, they don't smell, and ultimately they're someone's loved one.

I'd be far more concerned about the emotional stress he'll bring home, the 'how was your day, dear?' is going to be colourful as he'll be dealing with car accidents, children, babies, senseless deaths, and so on, not just elderly dying peacefully in their care home beds.

BeeThirtythree · 21/07/2017 22:45

Just asked DH and no, he does not mind being married to a funeral Director!
No! I do not "touch dead bodies all day"...what I actually do is work on call 24/7, sacrificing time with my children and family, to help other families feel a bit more at peace. I complete paperwork 90% of the day, I ensure the needs of the grieving relatives are met, 6% of my time is visiting loved ones to offer support, advice and learn about the life of the person I am caring for, 3% of my time I conduct funerals with dignity and respect and 1% , yes 1% of my time is accounted for by ensuring a bereaved family see their loved one as they remembered them, in happier times...to ensure their everlasting memory of that last visit is work I am proud of, a privilege to be able that feeling of 'being ok' to a grieving person.
Funeral directors, doctors, mortuary staff...usually are more compassionate, understanding and calmer than most. DH agrees and even though I might spend my Christmas Day rushing to help someone else's family...he is proud to be married to a Funeral Director! ( No, he does not work in the industry...his job is far more glamorous)

Maybe focus on the positive attributes of this man and look beyond his job, don't define him by "touching dead bodies all day"!!

MovingUpwards · 21/07/2017 22:51

OP, I think someone else may have said up thread but the funeral directors don't touch the dead bodies.. they are more about arranging and leading the funerals. So go for it!!
My DH is a funeral services operative.. they are the ones with their hands on the dead bodies all the time. He collects the deceased, dresses and prepares them and put them in the coffins.
Luckily for me I am not bothered by his hands having been on dead bodies during the day, and he is a fantastic shag Grin

ScissorBow · 21/07/2017 22:59

If his name begins with a J definitely don't bother!

Highlyinternational · 21/07/2017 23:54

ScissorBow Does his surname begin with a P ? Grin

FeralBeryl · 22/07/2017 02:10

Haven't RTFT yet as it was linked from another I was reading.

Just wanted to say that sadly having plenty to do with funeral directors the last few years, they are fabulous characters!
They show compassion, strength, respect, organisation, support, assistance to the vulnerable during the worst times of their lives.
Plus they have a wicked sense of humour!
Do him it Wink

GoingRogue · 22/07/2017 08:51

BeeThirtythree thank you for all you do - you sound lovely Flowers

ScissorBow · 22/07/2017 09:40

Lol no not that one.

engineersthumb · 22/07/2017 09:43

You may get yourself a discountGrin

seasonschooner · 22/07/2017 10:24
Grin
thefalloutwillbeawful · 22/07/2017 11:05

You're missing out there as well, Tories can be absolutely filthy in bed

they're certainly good at fucking the country over